Two Steps Behind

I wasn’t going to write anything this week.  But I wanted to put a few things out that have been on my mind….

1. I write these for me.  Sometimes, I get messages and reading my blog helped someone and that makes me extremely happy.  It’s nice that no matter what you are going through that you aren’t alone.  But I don’t censor them, I used to plan them out, But most of the time I follow a free form, free writing method to them.
2. In the end, this is my story.  I try not to drag my family, and others into it because I don’t want them to feel bad, or I don’t want to seem like a douchebag and I think everyone really has their own stories to tell.  I very rarely mention that this exists on Facebook or anywhere other then Instagram and Twitter where those accounts are very much known as my personal accounts. So while I love writing and telling stories, I don’t push them out there.  Not this one..  Someday, Maybe.
3. I am okay mentally for the most part. I promise.

Last week I wrote about going to Urgent Care and having some issues…  Well they didn’t go away over the weekend.  My groin hurt all weekend and the pain would dulled but liked to come in and out on me.  On Monday I tried to call a doctor and of course no one was open.  It must have been international “fuck you we are closed” for the holiday day.  So yesterday I called the general surgeon and have an appointment on Monday.  I am pretty sure I have a hernia.  I am pretty sure I popped it back into place on Sunday night after my gig and that Amber did after waking the boards on the 4th.  I haven’t been to the gym in a week. I don’t feel very strong or muscular for sure.

If you’ve been reading awhile you know that I broke my elbow in summer #1 and it derailed me for about 3 months of progress so I am really bumming.  I was on stage this weekend and I was pushing hard through the pain because I was in my zone.  Packed clubs, old and new friends who were there for little bit of friendship and nostalgia.  I just hate letting people down and most importantly is that I’ve let myself down so many times I just can’t do it anymore.  So after I speak to the doctor on Monday I need a plan.  I am trying to keep an open heart and mind until then.  But every time I go forward I take two steps behind.

No wave runners, no gym…  just bummed.

Tomorrow is Friday.  Back on stage. I’ll do it all over again and then Monday will be here and I have an exciting week either way with Ed Sheeran on Tuesday and Pink in AC on Wednesday. So I am trying to put that on my radar and be happy.  It’s hard.  I hate not being able to do what I want.  And while I feel okay today. I don’t want to hurt myself more until I see the doctor.

I hope everyone had a great 4th of July.

I’ll reach out on Monday after the doctors.

Franco