Two Chords and a Lie….

Good morning everybody. I guess it’s a pretty good time to tell you that I am about 14 hours into a fast on a beautiful sunny Monday morning as I walk through the park talking to myself. On my left is an alcohol anonymous meeting on my right is someone cooking up some kind of barbecue that just smells delicious. And here I am trying to find some clarity and figure out what I’m going to do with myself.

It was a pretty great weekend. Friday night I legitimately did nothing just like I said I was going to do in last weeks blog on a crappy rainy day. Had a couple drinks by myself, cleaned up my bar area. Hung some signs up. Made everything nice for a Sunday fun day that did not go quite as expected. Another grand reason why I can’t always control everything.

Saturday night, the band played. So many nice people came out to see us. And on one hand it was pretty awesome, on the other hand what a shit show. I’m not really sure I want to do it that way. I really want to play music for people but I don’t know if trying to be an old man in the high energy band where you’re just feel like you’re having a life sucked out of you is the way to go.

But here I am talking to myself again walking through the park, the goal in the end is to try and get 4 miles a day for five days this week out on these legs. Don’t know why, just I think it’s something to do and goal to set for myself just this week.. I decided to write a little bit every day so that I’m not trying to jam all this shit out of my head on a Thursday morning to try and make my Thursday blog Goal.

I am not fasting to punish myself. A few years ago when I finally hit the lowest I’ve been in a long time for a week or two, it was after a fast that my body reacted the best. And I want to try and get there again. I also want to show myself and my brain but I still have self-control.

I don’t think a lot of people know that I went to a private grade school and not the local Catholic school like most of my friends got to go to. There was this teacher there who of course ends up being a pedophile 25 years later, another one that I wanted to like me so badly and it this point probably was for the best. UGH! But his punishment which of course I got numerous times was to write the following on the board or on looseleaf 7000 times,

Self-control: a way of controlling myself and a mannerly Way.

Fuck you, you prick.

Monday ended with another 2 1/2 mile walk and a nice chest workout at the gym. Other than some chicken bouillon, and three pickles which were about 15 cal total Monday’s fast was a success.

Today is Tuesday. As I write this both dogs are laying across my lap. It’s raining out. There is absolutely no rain on our forecast. I am 36 hours into my fast. Actually gained weight overnight. 40 hours will be at 12:21pm – easy to figure out when they make apps for this shit. I will be in a meeting at that time so I will at least go till 1 o’clock if not longer. Part of me just wants to go till dinner. I am in ketosis for sure. All the carbs I eat over the weekend are gone.

I’m going to have to figure out my walk today. Might be going to Franklin Mills to bring it back old school.  I have to walk, or let out my stepson‘s dogs so I have to leave the house either way before my 1 o’clock meeting. I have a really hard time taking a complete rest day.

But because it’s going to get dark even earlier come Sunday. I am doing my best to get my 20 miles in this week. A very small goal. I am 4.5 already in. I will just have to keep chipping away at it. Especially if I’m going to open the speakeasy on Saturday night and have some fun. I am already thinking of keto treats and snacks to have around. I am keto – everyone will be keto. I will just trick them into it.

Ironically for not eating since Sunday early evening, my stomach rumbles a little bit in bed but not much. And I feel pretty good.

The fast lasted 43 hours. Did I lose weight? Absolutely not. Did I know that I was not going to lose weight? Absolutely. Did I wake up on Wednesday losing a little bit? Yes. What did I learn?

I have self-control. I can do this when I want to. Sometimes I just don’t want to. But I think that my body over the next few days will shed A couple pounds. I wanted to walk 20 miles before daylight savings time clicked on on Sunday. My goal was to walk by myself during the day and then with the family at night. It would bring me close to 5 miles a day. Easy Peezy right? It’s raining the last two days. It’s raining now. What the fuck.

I checked my log on Strava and I am at 6.82 miles for the week so far. What the fuck was I thinking with this 20 miles. If I just force myself to go walk in the rain, which I can do and I’m not opposed to, I still have to get over 4 miles in today to even come close by the end of the week. Sunday counts as the end of the week only because I only started on Monday.

Self-control, a way of controlling myself in a mannerly way.

Hello Wednesday.  Today I’m going to do something I don’t normally do.

I am going to do little cardio, but as far as the gym today is a rest day. I’m going to give all my muscles a day to just chill the fuck out. I am not a big fan of that. Especially since I wanted to double up some body parts like my chesticles,  shoulders and legs. But I am going to start a new routine next week. Which calls for almost 3 rest days out of seven. New Franco who diss?

On Tuesday night around 11 PM I was invited to a one on one meeting with the new vice president of my companies Microsoft team. Depending on who you asked about eight weeks ago my company either merged with another company if you look at their press release, or if you look at my company, our press release says that we acquired this other company. This other company specializes in Microsoft things. Today is the day that the official Townhall/merger/commingling of the two companies happens. I won’t be attending.

Yesterday at 4 PM, my position was no longer needed and as a 5 PM I was unemployed. The special punch to the gut was the fact that this guy invited me to a one on one which of course did not say that they were adding the HR person to watch me as well, But the fact that here I am being told I am no longer needed by someone I’ve never met, someone had zero interactions with, like the two years plus that I put in there meant shit. Then it’s like sign these documents promising us not to talk shit on us, or sue us, and we will give you a little over a week severance. Oh and return your laptop or we will sue you.

Well I really don’t have anyone to talk shit on so I guess I am silent. I don’t think you talk shit on your ex employers no matter what if you’re trying to find a new job. So all that seems stupid to me I am sure it’s a bunch of corporate mumbo-jumbo. These people don’t know me.

So today is Thursday and I woke up. Jobless. And as much as I want to say I’m stressed the fuck out right now, I don’t know if I am or not. I just feel numb. I had enough shit going on in my brain that I did not need any added stress.

I went and added another 2.39 miles to my total. Still trying to get 20 miles in before daylight savings time this week. I did get on the scale this morning and ironically enough after two slices of pizza last night because you know what, the kid offered me pizza, I was still in ketosis.

I am 4 pounds from from my October goal. So I think the fast, the sticking to keto for the most part, even the rest day all helped. I know weight loss on the scale is not linear. I get that. I also understand that I’m not really making absurd goals for myself. 10 pounds a month is not crazy. It’s absolutely doable.

So I’m going to post this blog. I’m going to continue going to the gym. I’m going to take the rest of the week to clear out the cobwebs in my head and on Monday morning I will get up, sit in the office for a cup of coffee, start revamping my resume, and start getting myself back out there. Until then there might be some whiskey involved.

It goes without saying that the speakeasy will be opening on Saturday LOL. If you know you know.

I wanted to talk about the new Bruce Springsteen album that I’ve been listening to all week. But I will save that for another day. I will leave you at two observations about it as you should download it tomorrow when it comes out officially for sure.

Well, as usual lately. This is me trying.