Thinking Out Loud

I am NOT the father. Ask Maury. He’ll tell you.

Hey everybody it’s Tuesday, I am out walking I speak this into my phone. There’s about 4 inches of snow on the ground outside, after dropping off the CEO of team Franco at work, watching people slide all over the place driving, I decided it was too far to try to get to Planet Fitness to get my cardio in. So here I am walking in Franklin Mills, pretty much where all my fitness started. I want to try and get 4 miles done today, I usually do two and run to Boot Camp, but I think when I am done one round I might just me do another and get it done. My legs feel like mush. 4 miles. BOOM!

Wednesday

Things have been very hard lately. Start looking on paper and you see that you’ve been the same weight since October no matter how your body has changed it will start playing with your head. I am not going crazy, but I need to get myself in check. I was much more strict with myself this time last year. And this week I somehow managed to hit my macros a few days and gain a pound. Christ people lose their shit after not losing after a few days, doing what I’m doing. And I gained weight.

So what do I do? I look back on my logs. See what I’ve eaten and fix it. I can’t exercise any more than I already am. I get cardio in at least 2x’s a week. I lift/bootcamp at least 5 times a week. Some days I do 2 classes… Today if I feel up to it I am going to be doing 3. So it has to be something I tackle with food. It has to be. And again I don’t have the answers. I have been trying to find someone who has the answers. I am kinda lost. But you just have to keep moving forward. I threw out all my 3x tshirts, got all new underwear (Sexy), socks, my bigger pants are all gone. So I am not letting myself slide into a depression that will ultimately undo all my hard work. I have been then before. I have done that before. It’s how we got here.

In 2006 my brother Tony was very Emo! He has never likes top 40 music but loves music. He prides himself on liking things before everyone else does. By the time the rest of us catch up, he’s on to the next soon to be great band. He’s not so Emo anymore. But during that period he introduced me to a non-profit called To Write Love on Her Arms.

To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire, and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.

I loved their message and I really loved their clothing. My favorite was one that said LOVE MOVEMENT. So I bought more of them for myself last week for my birthday. I got a few t-shirts and a hoodie that said LOVE across it. I love it and I actually looked pretty good in it. So when the voices creep up on me that the Mountain Dew and Cheetos miss me, that its just much easier to sit home, playing online, watching tv and eating whatever I want…. I will fight that depression, that dark cloud… I will call on love. I will fight through it. Because my story is important. YOUR story is important. Nothing good for you is easy. It comes with struggle, doubt, self abuse sometimes mentally and physically. I don’t meant it in a bad way but I do feel like I abuse myself sometimes. My body hurts. My brain hurts. Why did I eat that? Why do I wait for everyone to go to sleep and find myself eating a peice of bread with butter on it. I was so careful all day long and then I can’t help myself. There is ice cream in the freezer, but I don’t grab that. I crave the bread and butter. So you fight yourself. Guess what. In the end, the winner will be you.

I am 29 pounds from 300. Goal #1 is 311. After that, we’ll see about those 11 pounds. I am hoping to be there by May 1st now. I think it’s fair. It’s healthy and it’s a reasonable goal. Now it’s time to plan.

RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS!

I just wanted to give a shout out to a guy, an Instagram friend that I don’t know. I’ve never met him. His name is Robert Sargent. He saw me post on IG that I wasn’t going to be able to get to the gym in the snow to get my cardio in and sent me a pass to LA Fitness. Didn’t try to sell me. If related to my friends Stress and Sev and just showed me kindness. I have wanted to get an LA membership but with everything else I spend money on fitness wise the $30 a month is hard to scratch up let alone the $100 down. I keep thinking sitting in the sauna once or twice a week would be good. I have till March 4th to use it so I am going to have to stop in at least. He’s at the Bala Cynwood LA so if you are out that way. Say hello. If you want a gym membership. That’s the gym. He’s got a big heart. He didn’t have to be nice to me. That’s a big deal to me.