Its three days before Christmas. I hope this finds you well. I’m going to catch you up and then sign off. The domain name for this website expires on the 29th. And I guess we’ll have to see if I renew it for another year or not. As of this morning I’m not really sure what I’m going to do. That’s the actual fifth anniversary of the website launch although I actually started getting my shit together on January 6.
5 years and I am still here! What a long, long strange trip it’s been.
I posted a question about goals on my Instagram story. I was curious what kinda goals people set for themselves and if that’s even a thing anymore. Have people given up trying to be better? Not many people responded but a few did. People seem to be chasing happiness though more than anything. People want to fight out of whatever funk they may be in. They want to get better. They at least want the hope that they can get better. Most times though we don’t want to do the things we need to do to get better.
This is the time of year where To Write Love On Her Arms kicks their mission into high gear because for some reason – you absolutely can be surrounded by a table of family you see once a year, be laughing and entertained – you can be the belle of the ball and the master of ceremonies and still be completely alone.
The Counting Crows have a line in a song that I’ve always held close to my heart….. “seems I never know anyone at the party and I’m always the host.” I feel like that a lot at shows. Walking through the Flyers game the other night some one pulled at my arms through the crowd to tell me how much she loved the band and if we’d be in Cape May this summer again. Wish I could have introduced her to my wife but I had no clue who she was.
People get anxiety, everyone falls into funks, and everybody feels sad sometimes. It’s normal. It’s the brain’s response to stress, heartbreak, and disappointment. We all feel this way from time to time. The ability to react in a healthy way, to cope, to refocus, and to ground yourself, are all things we are all capable of doing. But it’s no where that easy.
I’m floating in a two pound up and down that will see me at a 70lbs loss for 2018. I’m happy about that. I’m shocked about that. I am blessed. I know I am.
I feel broken a lot. I try to be a good person. I try to give back. I try to be a gracious host, but in the end always seem to fall short.
Don’t you think I get on the scale in the morning and just want to say fuck it, jump in the car, go to Wawa and eat everything in sight. All the tasty cakes and chocolate that I can get my hands on. Because sometimes the work you put in doesn’t always give you the outcome you think you deserve for it. It just doesn’t.
We are all broken. But it’s important to remember all of your pieces are absolutely perfect.
At the end of the day, God made me this way for a reason. I may never know why, but he did. I was also made with the ability to grow while struggling, to love while hurting, and to be hopeful while falling. I will never be perfect, but I am able to be better. We CAN get better.
Happy Christmas to you. I hope that everyone who really loves you will be around you. I hope you know I’m glad to know you. Happy Christmas.