Starting Over

I went back this morning and read my blogs from last summer and while we got beat up emotionally as a family last summer, I was in a very different mindset. 2020 I think has made me lose my mind, well being and self control.

I can’t let it.

I look at my social media accounts and see the 170lbs lost and want to delete them and start over because truth is I have put on almost 50 pounds since last July. A big chunk of it since covid. I can tell you what I weighed on this day for the last 6 years so I know. But I am not going to do that. I am going to get to my goal and change that number one last time when I get there.

I have gained and lost more weight over my lifetime that most of the the people reading this currently weigh. I can do this. And I have said it here so many times that I am going to and then my self control dwindles.

I have so much going on but won’t make excuses there for any of it. 2020 sucks. But I have had a very fun summer making the best fucking lemonade out of the lemons we have been handed. The Jersey shore has been a fantastic place to hide from the Covid monster and feel fucking as human as possible. I will be hiding out there as much as possible till the weather changes.

I have been getting to the gym. I don’t ride the Peloton as much as I used to. That will have to change as I once again have to make it about the scale and pretty much squeezing back into my skinny jeans without looking like a stuffed sausage.

I am getting back to tracking my food religiously and back into Keto. Hey, It works for me.

So the cool thing about the Peloton are these tribes they call them…In the beginning I was active in one and then after so many whiners, complainers etc I kinda stopped looking at the group. The one cool thing to come out of it was my Apple Ring closing group. 2 men and 2 women. I am the only east coaster. But off and on we encourage each other. We all love whiskey. One of the women lives in not far from my brother in law in AZ, the other in Cali but the grandmaster of the group and crazy overachiever is in Texas and of course is a Cowboys fan.

Why am I telling you all this? Well. The Fb chat had gone quiet and I hadn’t added much. I wasn’t riding and although my rings close regularly…. Chad decided to look for me…. I told them I was frustrated. I’ve gained and lost the same 10 pounds all summer long and I just couldn’t get it together. So since of course I am the oldest of this group by almost 15 years…. I told them that I wanted to give it a hard push to hit my goal by February. When I turn 50. yeah. This skinny jean, converse all star wearing mother trucker is gonna be 50 and guess what? I am cool with it. I am still in better shape then I have ever been and I am still trying. Well we decided to break it down into little monthly goals for ourselves since apparently most of us want to loose 40-50 pounds. Everyone is working from home. Two of them are homeschooling a tribe of children.

So here is my September goals…..

2 pounds a week. I’d like to loose 10 and September kinda spreads almost across 5 weeks. But two pounds a week. Healthy. Manageable. Above all very possible. I am also going to make sure I get to the gym 4 days a week and ride the Peloton for 20-30 minutes at least 3 times a week. Start weening off diet drinks, and drinking during the week. And when the weekend rolls around to not try to outdrink my friend Rick. I have to wave the white flag on that one. I just can’t keep up. Oh and I am back on a gallon of water a day and that is not easy. Yikes.

If I miss my goal I am afraid you are going to see me in a Dallas Cowboys jersey so we can’t have that. It is 23 weeks till my birthday. And even at the 1 pound a week I’ll take it. I am the first person to tell you to make realistic expectations when it comes to this.

I am grateful for the support at home and to all the great people I have met through Keto or Peloton. I was very worried Friday night as the fires were pounding on Cali for my friend Kelly and so excited when my friend Caleb reached out to talk shit on the Flyers and let me know he was okay. He another of my Keto buddies and lives outside LA. Sooner or later I am going to Cali with the fam to eat In N Out Burgers like a fiend. (No bread of course)

See I have a tribe online and at home. They are very important. While they can’t tell me not to eat something. Shit Amber won’t even do that…. I am the only one that can control that. I have to reckon with the outcome no matter what in the end. But they are there to pick me. Motivate me and remind me that I can and I will do it.

Yeah, I have had a good summer in an otherwise turbulent town. I have drank a lot of whiskey this summer. And when you drink a bunch you let your guard down and then start putting stupid shit in your mouth unfortunately. My self control at the supermarket or Wawa isn’t any better…. I will get better. September will be the reset month.

And this picture of me from this weekend…. While it’s cool and it’s me…. it’s hard to look at. Its still 130 pounds less than I was 6 years ago BUT….. most people reading will get it.