I am sorry that it’s been a little bit since I decided to buckle down. I have buckled down. But last week was world suicide prevention week and a lot of my posts and thoughts were wrapped up in mental health and I did not want to over post weight loss stuff. It was not about me, it was about using my voice to make sure those around me who are paying any lick of attention to me knew that they were not alone.
It’s always a hard week for me for many reasons. Some of the stories are not mine to tell but are the reasons why not only do I have a semicolon on my wrist but one of my favorite tattoos that is always in plain sight says “stay alive”. This year the passing of Kelly’s dad and watching her and her siblings deal with the aftermath made this one a little harder for me. They did set up a very awesome website that if you care to look I will link here. I did have quite a few friends check in on me because of my posts and I think my favorite thing was asking them how they were doing, and making it about them.
In the middle of all the hubbub, Bruce Springsteen released information about a new album coming out next month as well as the first song. It could not have come at a better time for me. And I have listened to it over 100 times at least. For someone that basically has a masters in English, is a music theater nerd, and actually listens to lyrics, there is just something about the song. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love Springsteen. I love Springsteen the lyricist, the writer, and the boy from New Jersey. I am not sure if anyone has seen it or if I’ve ever posted it but to the left is my “born to run” tattoo. Anyway back to letters, When was the last time someone wrote you a letter? I know I am old. I know my high school and college girlfriends have shoeboxes full of letters that I wrote. My friends back then probably do as well. Full of hopes, love, dreams, and everything in between. They probably had mixtapes shoved inside the envelopes as well. Both are two arts that no longer exist. You text somebody a heart emoji, you send them a link to a video on YouTube. That’s romantic. NOT. Doesn’t have to be a love letter. Just a letter. Handwritten. Looseleaf. Does looseleaf still exist? A lost art. A lost hope. And no, a note on your notepad on your phone doesn’t count because you can delete that. It vanishes.
Got down on my knees
Grabbed my pen and bowed my head
Tried to summon all that my heart finds true
And send it in my letter to you
Seems like I have a lot to say, I really want to talk about my summer. But I’m just not ready to let it go yet. So let me talk quickly about what is going on with me Journey wise. As of today the magic number is 42. That is not the final landing zone that is just where I think I can safely be. The final landing zone would be closer to 50. We will shoot towards that but still be happy around 42 LOL. Down about 6 1/2 pounds since September 1. Keep in mind that included Labor Day weekend which was crazy for me and last weekend which I’m pretty sure I lost my mind on Friday. I have curbed my drinking, although I do love my whiskey. Just like anyone else bad decisions are made. I keep telling you that I have lost my mind this summer. I started to amp up my cardio, which, I have added walking a little bit to the Peloton. My wife asked me yesterday why I was going to go walk alone. I have so many webinars and things to listen to for work that I might as well keep busy while doing it rather than sitting at my desk. So I walked 2 miles through the park yesterday. Little creepy when you’re walking through the woods alone but I was in Bensalem and it’s absolutely beautiful. Bucks County is absolutely beautiful. I actually love where I live. I think the 23 minute mile that I walked was mostly because I kept stopping to take pictures which I want to every time. I definitely need better shoes. I have been getting to the gym. And above all I am watching what I eat and drink. I am drinking a gallon of water a day. I’m peeing 2 gallons of water a day. I am back into Keto mode. I am in Ketosis and realized that Jack Daniels is 104 calories per 1 1/2 ounces. FUCK! I use at least 3 oz per drink. Opps!
I’m actually proud of myself for not spiraling into bad habits over the last two weeks with a lot of stuff on my mind and then princess Luna ended up in emergency room on Monday night into Tuesday night. Apparently she suffers from stress and anxiety just like me. She wasn’t eating, throwing up. What a mess. But she’s home safe with us now and keeping watch over the house. No more trips to the shore for her in the near future.
When I started this journey for the first three months all I did was walk in the morning and watch my calories. I must have listened to “I want to get better” by Bleachers over 3000 times. So much so that that is also tattooed on my arm. I think walking and working out my legs is important to my journey since so much of my weight and mess is down there. So I am going to focus on that as much as possible over the next few weeks.
Two more shows with Crabby at the beach. Then I guess I’ll say goodbye to the summer. I have three weddings at the end of October into November. Got to get back into my tuxedo’s.
I have my eye on a prize… Nashvegas as my goal, friends in tow and rowdiness to prevail…. Winter/Spring 2021 when this mess calms down cause I am not going anywhere until we can be 90% normal again.
In my letter to you….. I hope you will be okay. I hope that you are hopeful. I hope you are happy.
Till we meet again.