Let the Rain Come

She said how does it feel to be one of the beautiful people
She said how does it feel to be one of the fortunate ones
She said how does it feel to be one of the beautiful people
She said how does it feel to be all alone under the sun
I said you gotta stand up in the garden
Baby come and let the rain come falling down upon your head
Oh you gotta stand up in the garden, darling
Come and let the rain fall down and wash away all your sins

Alternate Lyrics to Murder of One by the Counting Crows

Well I don’t have a lot to say this week I don’t think anyway.  My weight has stayed the same.  All the promises I made in last weeks blog kinda have to roll over into this weeks because I’ve been sick since Sunday. It’s just a common cold and a killer cough and has just sucked the life out of me.  And while everyone applauds the weekend I am dreading having to sing at private functions and weddings all weekend while I am still couching like a mad man.

I can’t catch a break.  But I need my mental health as well. I lost 90 pounds in the past 11 1/2 months.  No pills, no gimmicks, no starvation. It didn’t come easy and it didn’t come without a price.  If I don’t hit my goal on January 6th.  I’ll just have to hit it when I hit it.  But mark my words.  I am going to hit it.  I can’t do much more than I am doing.

You know I am sick when I cancel my personal training session because as much as I’ll bitch about it, I love it.  But I’ve hit my activity goals and walked every day.  I just took Tuesday off from lifting when I felt my weakest.

It’s Friday AM and as soon as I send this post live, I’ll be heading to the mall and getting my walk in before Friday boot camp.  All you can do is keep going and doing what you are doing.  I am going to let myself have a good Christmas. I deserve it.  I won’t go crazy.  I won’t suck 5000 calories of junk in. But I’ll try to relax a little.

There is a lot of body shaming going on around me lately.  If you are fat…  then people think you are a pig, that you have no self control. And while sometimes the control factor is what many of us needs…  I was never an over eater..  I just made bad decisions with 99% of my food choices. So you commit to something, you commit to change.  You want to be better. Then all of a sudden you work out too much, people tell you that you are going to die just like everyone else…  people tell you you to “eat a sandwich”.  It’s easy to say that you don’t care what people think but the truth is everyone has feelings, everyone hurts, everyone feels pain.  Do your best to make yourself happy.  Cut the dead weight out of your life.  You can’t make everyone happy.  Sometimes you work out to eat that damn sandwich.  But I work out for me.  I do everything that I do for me.  If in the end it has positive effects on people and things around me…  then so be it.

My mom went to Disney and knows that I love chocolate covered pretzels.  She send me a box of Mickey ones.  I could have been upset that she sent me those delicious chocolate covered yumminess. But hell no, I ate that shit.  My mom thought about me enough to send me a gift.  To think about me.  Let your self live.  Stick to you goals.  Do it for you.  This was what you wanted.  This is what I wanted.

Santa is coming people.  Don’t be an asshole.  Love one another.

Muah!