I wasn’t going to blog again until the new year. Then on Nye I started to write this and then a conversation with my wife about sharing too much made me put it off… and think about things a little. We will get to that a little later…. And then I just kinda let it go. Life.
As I was reading a bunch of responses on Twitter to one of my favorite suicide prevention organizations. TWLOHA – And with some stuff going on in my personal life and around my personal life right now I thought maybe that even if three people who read this before the new year that needed to read it then I should take a few minutes.
People always ask themselves, am I enough? Is this life enough? Am I happy? What would life be like if I just wasn’t here? It would just go on and after all the silly Facebook posts from people who didn’t give two shits about me before I died, then I would be quickly forgotten.
The truth is I don’t think that we ever feel like we are enough. Ever! And guess what? That’s a lie. We are. Sometimes you have to scream it at yourself in the mirror over and over and over again. BUT YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!! You are never going to be perfect. We wish too much for ourselves sometimes. BUT… You are enough. We are never going to be what our partners, our parents, our friends want us to be. And that’s mostly because everybody wants us, needs us, depends on us to be what is best for them. What is best for them is never what’s best for us. Or maybe I should not say never. But usually it is not. No human relationship is ever perfect. Now my dogs and I? WE ARE PERFECT! Cute little buggers.
What does that tell you?
We have to be everything that we need to be for ourselves, first and foremost. We are important. That our story is important. And that no matter what anyone can do to us, no matter how great their life looks on Instagram or Facebook, the most important thing we have to do on the daily is get out of bed, put our feet on the floor, and move forward. Start the day. Don’t let the muggles get you down. If you can do that. You are going to be okay. You have gotten this far. You are reading this right? Good. I am glad you are here.
I have some feelings about my Christmas but I am going to let them go….. Overall it was a good one. Amber made it a very Harry Potter xmas for me and I got a new Apple watch that has the EKG stuff on it and ya know I am old so i need that new technology. We were surrounded with the people who love us or at least have to pretend.
We went to NYC on the day after to see Jagged Little Pill and it was tough to watch at some points. They shoved A LOT of current feelings in there. It was a nice little adventure. Got some Tennessee tea at Bubba Gumps!
NYE came and went in a blip and then we were off to Phoenix to meet Amber’s brother. I told his story in previous blogs but so I am not going to repeat it. He was nervous for sure. We saw sooooo many similarities with him and her dad for sure. There is no DNA test needed. No fucking way that’s not her blood. We had a nice visit. Ate too much. Drank too much, saw the Flyers get their asses handed to them in AZ and came home last night.
So like I did 6 years ago today, I pulled my ass out of bed, got on the scale. Took a deep, deep, deep breath and started my new year, new me. Blah blah blah.. 🙂
Today is like a birthday to me and in my head I celebrate it. Why? 6 years ago today I started this fitness Journey. It was the first official weigh in, I went and walked the mall and barely could do half of it. I started counting everything I put in my mouth and six years later I haven’t quit no matter when got thrown at me…. Broken elbow, double hernia, depression, silliness. I am still here doing it. WOO-HOO!
So lets get real. I had too much fun this holiday and was stupid. I ate too much, drank too much. And today on the scale I am paying for it. So what’s next. The magic number is 40. FML. Whatever. Too late to worry about anything other than getting back to it and I am not going to do it to extremes. I am going to eat more, work out. And not put myself in such a calorie deficit cause it does not work for me anymore. Wow I am growing up I think 🙂
Six fucking years. Thank you to everyone who has been there for this ride. I appreciate you.
Lol. Day one here.
I have to get my ass moving. Let’s crush 2020, let’s be at peace, let ourselves be happy and live our lives to their fullest.
Much love, friend! Life might have be by the throat right now, but I’m still breathing! Xo