What the fuck is wrong with social media today other than the obvious. I think it gives people a very false sense of who they are. For example my wife and I could literally be killing each other on a nightly basis inside our house. You aren’t in here, you don’t know, but yet I am only going to show you what I want to show you on social media. That is not real life. That is what I choose to share with my family and friends who of course want to see me happy. I also don’t think there’s any room for the opposite on social media. If you continuously Cry Wolf about how horrible life is. People will turn you off, people will stop listening and in the end even if you are starved for attention you will get zero.
I saw a quote this week that said “crave connection not attention.” It really struck me, because I’ve always loved having people around, I have always love laughing, if I’m picking on you I definitely like you, if I don’t say anything to you that pretty much tells you how I feel. I guess even in a very platonic way, I am closer to the kid in kindergarten who had a crush on you and wanted to punch you in the arm over and over and over again. I have said it in the past that my social media is to create accountability and inspire, most days, I have no idea how many people read my blogs or look at anything. I used to be able to and now all these companies basically want you to pay for that information. Why bother doing that since I do write for me. So I know I read!
I’ll go with you.
I never know anyone at the party and I am always the host.
Since the last blog, the scale has been a crap shoot. Interestingly enough it dropped to the lowest weight I have ever seen, and then a long Saturday wedding and then my mom taught Amber how to make gnocchi on Sunday. In between that, a half a bottle of Moscato, and two pieces of my soon to be daughter in law‘s choice for wedding cake, I would say my carb re-feed was ON in a big way.
I actually can’t believe I got on the scale the following morning but let’s just say I wasn’t so close to the lowest number ever anymore. I typically go up around 3 pounds when I do a carb refeed and it takes a week to come off.
So the rest of the week was up-and-down and it kind of bums me out because I was so hoping to tell you what the magic number was.
But it wasn’t! My body doesn’t like me that much and resists once in awhile. But I did lose just about two pounds this week. So that puts me at these new numbers.
131.2 total pounds gone.
And 54.2 pounds gone in 2018! 6 pounds or so to go to hit my #10in10 goal!
So the grind continues right! Fucking gnocchi! And of course my mom wants to go to the Hibachi Grill which is fine. I don’t have to eat the fried rice but it also is my absolute favorite thing there.
I got a text earlier in the week from a high school friend who I was very close with and then I lost some ground with and over the last couple years, rekindled some of that friendship. It kind of threw me for a loop and I did not know how to take it. It also sent me to a very dark place. I don’t think he was trying to be malicious but…
His text said:
“You suck man losing all that weight – I never thought you’d be able to do it”
Is that a compliment? I dunno.
It made me think of a time where I show up at a play party a half hour early and heard a bunch of the kids talking about me. Pre-Internet kids were just as vicious. Among the various things they were saying about my Way, one of the girls that I actually had a massive crush on said something then sent me to the corner crying. “If she was me, she’d kill her self.”
I can’t imagine the world being any better for an overweight child in middle school or high school now. I am not really judging my friends with overweight children, but I will say that I am praying for them because I know what they’re going through or sometimes the skinny Parent does not. I really think the way the world is going it’s just going to get worse.
If you’re worried about me I am OK. It has been very nice to have my mom here for a few days. I am going to treasure every moment and I hate leaving for these long weddings while she is here. It actually gives me great joy that while I don’t think sometimes she took to being a grandmother so well to the boys, that she has a new chance with Kelly and Brandon and hopefully some great grandchildren soon. We can’t really live in the past no matter what, it’s not good for anyone. It really made a lot that she went out of her way to come to Kelly‘s bridal shower. There were many people at the lot closer to did not give two shits. And of course her visit cost me $55 because Luna ate her sneakers. She goes back to North Carolina on Wednesday. At 71, I’m going to treasure every minute that I have with her. My mom has definitely become my grandmother for sure. Not really sure when she became old. Amber has been fantastic with her because I know it’s not easy sometimes to have somebody in the house for an extended visit. We are very used to doing our own thing at this point. I am taking the mama to the Flyers game on Tuesday. She needs a Chia pet.
I was very happy to take Brandon tuxedo shopping this past Monday. I did not order anything for the wedding but I will go back in early December and get something. I just wanted to have the most options possible and takeoff as much weight as I can until then.
I was going to write about yesterday being national mental health day. But in case you’re wondering I am OK. Looking forward to a lot of things in the near future.
I hope this finds everybody well. Keep fighting the good fight.
I’ll go with you.
Wow….I recently called a friend that I hadn’t reached out to in awhile, because I was feeling vulnerable and I’m going thru so much right now. Her response to just the one thing I shared was “Wow, I’m so glad you called me. Because your life is such shit, and nothing ever goes good for you. I always feel better about myself after I talk to you”. I actually didn’t say anything out of shock and just hung up….that hurt so bad. Makes me not want to see or share with anyone….ever. Having been thin, and not being thin now. I can honestly say I relate one hundred percent to what you are saying. People treat you differently based on your weight. It’s not fair. It’s a dark place. And I pray for everyone I see struggling And even the ones that seem to have it all together. You’re a good dude. Keep doing you. Don’t listen to the people who weren’t rooting for you the whole way.