I Wanna Get Better (Part 2)

If you’ve been on this journey with me for awhile you’ve probably noticed the roller coaster that it is.  I hit a long plateau.  I take off a few pounds.  I get supper excited.  A few pounds come back.  I beat myself up a little.  I crack the whip on myself.  Sometimes things get better.  Sometimes I give in to compulsions and just slip into bad habits.  I gained 2.5 pounds this week.  Was it my road trip with the band this weekend?  My best friends birthday? Was it my body revolting? Does my ear infection and the antibiotics have anything to do with it? I don’t know.  I didn’t go crazy in any direction this week to be quite honest.  I still got my workouts in.  I have been trying to get my water down.

The truth is that the jug life is freaking hard.  I don’t think it’s cool to walk around with a gallon of water in your hand.  That takes freaking commitment.  On days that I go to boot camp I seem to get it down a lot better.  But it’s not easy at all.  You try and drink a gallon of water every day.  Sure you can do it today. Oh you did it twice this week?  Cool.  I have better results when I do it EVERYDAY.  There is a little satisfaction that comes over me when my pee is clear.  Anyone else ever have that feeling?  Yes, I am asking questions today.  Because guess what I don’t have all the answers.

Well let me try and recap the week a little bit.

Last Thursday, I got a little fresh Ink.  I thought I should get a little banger tattoo to celebrate 100lbs.  If I knew I was going to gain a few back and now be at 98 pounds lost again I wouldn’t have gotten it but it’s on my arm now. I really love the colors and if click the photo below in the weekly photos you’ll see how nice it nestles with my love park tattoo.  I know my mom is wondering what happened to her sweet little boy.  I guess the truthful answer is that he’s not afraid anymore.  If this journey has thought me anything is to not be afraid.  Things that I want won’t be easy to get because you can’t buy them.  There really is no magic pill.  And the fitness cocktail isn’t cheap.  The 3 gyms I belong to add up to over $250 a month.  And yes, I could probably do it at home if I wanted to but that didn’t work out so well in the past.  Sometimes I think the needle in my skin is a therapy of sorts.

I love my mixtape.  People don’t make mixtapes anymore.  All my high school and college girlfriends have mixtapes from me for sure.  It was a way to say how I was feeling without really having to say it.  Sometimes they were just collections of songs that I loved or described the place I was in life at the time.  It’s a lost art.  High school kids don’t write love letters to each other let alone make mixed anything for each other anymore.  Let me know how that saved snapchat makes you feel in 20 years.

I was so excited about my tattoo and it’s place in my journey that tweeted at Butch Walker, since he’s a tattoo guy and he actually wrote me right back for the first time.  Did Butch really say I was inspiring?  Two nights earlier he was inspiring me.  Keep up the good work he said…  that part gets harder and harder.  And I think my self control is getting worse and worse. I went months without sugar when I started and now I jones for it and I know it’s in my head.  I know it’s emotional at time.  I see a bag a chips in the store and I want it.  I want to devour it.  This shit isn’t easy.  And yet I stumble or not I still keep going.  Hey, Butch Walker who I used a song title of his to name this website tweeted me back.  He told me I was inspiring and to keep up the good work.  Hey.  I’ll do just that.

I think my workouts at OTF weren’t that great this week.  I just could not get my heart rate where it needed to be.  I was struggling and I was frustrated.  I took a day off today and just did a bootcamp.  I’ll be back at it tomorrow for sure.  I found out that I won the OTF Marathon for walkers with 36.8 miles in 20 visits.  I get a gold medal.  I am also the spotlight member for OTF this month. Kinda weird since I just had wrapped up a little over a month there but also nice that my peers see me putting in the work.   But this is part of my mission..  to inspire.  if someone is new and is struggling I want them to see me in the struggle and at least try.  I want them to not be afraid.  Being afraid sucks more than anything in this world I think.  Fear is a bitch.

So I am going to cut this short this week.  I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer.  They can’t all be losing weeks.   I have many more weeks that they are growing weeks.  Getting better and better at things.  Working harder and harder.  That’s all we can do.  I won’t give up on myself!

Keep the faith.