Things will work out.
Be you. Do you. For you.
It’s been a long summer. It seems like it’s been one thing after the other at the ranch. I’ll do my best to catch you up but my brain is going in 1 million different directions.
I guess we will start with the basics first. I reintroduced carbs into my diet a little bit. Nothing crazy. But the scale really robs Peter to pay Paul half the time. By Friday I get down a few pounds and by Monday it’s all back. My workouts have increased and I decided to go back to classes and I’ve been doing a lot of kickboxing and punching and my upper body looks decent, now I just have to make the lower half of my body play ball with the rest of it. The good thing is most of my business is done on the video screen anymore and all you can see is my upper body. I have no idea what I weigh today because I keep forgetting to get on the scale which is fine. Some of my clothes are snug and some not. I have to start packing up for Florida in a few weeks and God knows what I’m going to wear honestly.
But in the end, I’m moving more, trying to get the job done, it is what it is I guess. Not going to binge in either direction before my trip.
The summer has been great I guess. Seems like the weeks just flew by a lot faster than last summer and I don’t think I’ve gotten as much done as I did a year ago. Less time at the shore, Less time on the water… Not sure why. But in three weeks it will all be over.
My brother and his Meagan are no longer, my son and his Megan are no longer, just like that I bought new underwear because I needed it. And if you’re reading, you are laughing about that I’m sure, but it’s hard to be there when both of these boys don’t talk very well. They seem to be OK though so the family is good.
Amber is fine. Both boys are fine. Mom and dad are good, all three goddaughters are good, I guess in the end that’s a good blessing.
On the Fourth of July weekend, the band was delivered a double whammy, with two band members leaving one with eight weeks notice, and another with much more time but still stressful. I’ve been here before. You don’t get to be a band for 25 years with three original members still and Not be able to roll with the punches. But I wish I could tell you the story without sounding cranky, mean, or just straight angry, but I can’t. So I’ll keep most of the story to myself.
Losing Baba sucks. Baba was in the band for a long time, 14 years, and there was nothing he wouldn’t do for me when I asked. He was family. And he still will be. But, he won’t be on stage with me every weekend anymore. Seeing each other will be harder, and that musical net that I had under me where I could promise someone anything because Baba could play it, and play it well might be gone for a little while as I get comfortable with the next guy. And that’s OK. That is all part of growing up, that is all a part of the change. Sometimes I think it’s easier to understand when someone leaves you because you did something wrong. I’m sorry Baba I slept with your best friend, and now you’re gone, but that didn’t happen. It was just time for a change, I think the band needed a shake-up and Baba just gave it to us. Baba and I got very close After his last long-term relationship ended. So you see everything happens for a reason. Whatever he’s looking for I hope he finds…. Because years ago I was looking for something and I found him. It’s funny I really don’t want to sound mushy on the Internet. Most people don’t understand a band dynamic and I’ve been trying to figure out the words for 7 weeks now and I just don’t have them. I will miss him. But like it has for 25 years the band will go on. Our customers will be happy. And I hope Baba will be too. Life is too short. And while we have one more change to make, one thing at a time.
This didn’t help my stress level, sleep level, or need to self-medicate with food. But that’s my problem I guess.Work.
I am settling into my new position and really like it. I quickly went from being the second person on my team and now there are four of us plus my boss. We are spread out as well with one of my teammates being in California so she gets to be me at my last job. All the way out on monkey Island, while everyone else is on a different coast. I know how that feels. She is working our time zone which works for her, I cannot imagine doing that with her time zone. Just a few classes I took that were PST were hard enough for a few days. But in true Franco style, her daughter and I are video Bffs! She always seems to wake up during one of our morning calls lol. I guess it’s better than Luna or Giuseppe crashing my video calls all the time as well. I guess people have just gotten used to having some special guests, children, or fur babies and I am here for it.
I definitely think the role of a customer success manager is perfect for me. Basically what I do for the band off stage as well.
In one of the million Rocky movies Paulie tells Rocky to get rid of that stuff that he’s holding onto inside. There has been a cloud of anger around me. And quite a few people have tried to wave their magic wand to make it go away and it just won’t. We hired a guitar player who we practiced into the band and would’ve been a decent fit maybe not the perfect fit but a decent fit – and then after trying to call him and check in on him, I got an email saying that he was no longer going to be in the band. Wasted my time, everyone else’s time, and was just downright disrespectful that he could not pick up a phone and actually have the conversation. I actually knew it was coming the night before because of course I have friends all over social media and knew about a brawl that happened on stage with his current band. I shut down for a few days. No texts, no phone calls, just completely shut down. But that anger was there. The anger was not at him. When someone does that, you don’t want them around you either. Personally, I think, it was for the best to know before I updated photos, websites, had many shows together, and all the work that’s going to go into fixing and updating our house for year 25! Thinking about it 10 days later I think we dodged a bullet. But then because of it, I shut down. A few others around me had to rise to the occasion and after 1 million years they did. So we shall see how that plays out later this evening. But I went through a period of six or seven months where we never knew who is playing an instrument on any given day on stage. Music was a lot different back then but we made it work and never skipped a beat.
Like a lot of things, I think powering yourself down sometimes helps a lot. I have to do a much better job not lashing out at the people around me when things are weighing heavy on me. I have plenty of people to talk to and yet I seem to internalize everything. And then finally just explode. Not my proudest moments for sure.
So as you can tell my summers been fucked up lol. But somethings never change. Lots of friends, lots of laughs, lots of whiskey. I still have it all losing 40ish pounds before the end of the year. I was trying to pull together a Bigg Romeo 25th anniversary party for early November but I think I’m going to move into the winter because I just have my plate overflowing right now. This will give me some time to get to a place I feel comfortable again as well.
Sorry I’ve been dark all summer. I’m still out here doing this shit. I don’t want to be wasted like all my potential. That fucking Taylor Swift really knows how to write a line huh!
If you’re out there on the struggle bus, hang in there, we will be hopeful.
Beep beep!!! I’m still here. I internalize too….but I would absolutely listen. And you know I’m hardly on socials except the old IG. Not Baba!!!!!! Nooooooo! I didn’t know. I’m so sorry. But also, you’re a great friend to let him go and spread his wings. Sending you positivity and hope to get to that mural once the kiddies are back in school! I didn’t forget! You think you guys can handle seeing me for a couple days?
Ashley Wilson says
Love this and much love for you and your blog. You’re real as real gets and I am stoked to have gotten the opportunity to get to know you. Keep doin’ you!