I don’t mind when they say that I’m going nowhere
And when they’re talking trash about me, man I just don’t care
They can say what they want, but forgive them, Lord
They know not what they do
But when they talk about the things that I’d do for you
Then baby everything they say is true – Tommy Conwell
I have to begin this week by thanking everyone for the outpouring of love that I received over the past week. I was told that I love that praise or what not. Everyone loves the kindness aspect of it. And although it’s nice. I enjoyed the comments on my blog more than anything. I guess it’s the guy with the English degree in me that loves to write in first person. Being told that some of the trainers got emails from people looking for a change or for guidance. That makes putting myself out there worth it. Ironically enough, I don’t take compliments well. I am too used to ridicule and people talking about me behind my back. Those same people don’t usually realize that in this day and age that we are all surrounded my snakes and that I hear everything. I see everything. And that’s okay. Haters are usually people that want to be you…. Why the hell would anyone want to be me? But if this blog, this journey, helps 1 person, inspires 1 person. Then the over sharing, the self reflection and honesty that it takes to write it was all worth it.
I have always liked the end of the movie “Father’s Day”. It’s where
grandma talks about marriage and life. It’s about roller coasters. and the ups and downs of life.. the plateau where life lets you catch your breath and then throws you back down the tracks. Well that is what things feel like right now. I lost so much weight in a short amount of time that my body has fought back a little this past week. When I got on the scale Monday morning, I just about shit my pants. I had gained 5 pounds from Thursday’s record breaking weigh in. FUCK ME! But I walked up the steps, had breakfast and left for boot camp. A few hours later I was at Orange Theory Fitness to finish up my half marathon. So this morning at what I call my weekly “Official” weigh in – I was still 2 pounds heavier than last week and with those back at 98 pounds lost. I’m sorry. I suck. The 1500 calories I am trying to stay under, the 2 workouts a day. I suck. My body caught up to me.
But that’s okay. By tomorrow I’ll have gone to OTF for 5 days straight. Sunday we did a 90 minute workout and I burned over 1000 calories. I’ve been there every day since burning an average of 650 calories. 4200 calories burned in this weeks go at OTF. I have to be doing something right, right? Add in 4 – 5 boot camps. I will get there. 14 pounds to get me under 300. 40 days to do it. I can do it. I am focused on doing it. I can only do my best. So I am not letting these 2 pounds get the best of me. I am not running into Wawa for Tastycakes and free coffee today.
Speaking of Orange Theory Fitness. Can I tell you how much I love it there? Sure everyone wants to tell me how expensive it is. But with the very planned out workout, instructor up your ass and only 22 people tops in each class, it’s like getting personal training for that price. Where else I am gonna burn 650 calories plus in an hour? I don’t have the self control to do it in the gym all alone. I can’t focus. I already tune out the world and get lost in my own thoughts. Well, anyway… They did a 90 minute workout this past Sunday and I wanted to burn 1000 calories and I nailed it. It was close but I got it. It felt amazing. So the scale really messed me up a little on Monday morning. But at 3pm I was in Willow Grove on a treadmill getting it.
They ran a promotion in April called the OTF marathon. Everyone threw in 15 bucks and if you are a power walker like me you have to walk 13.1 miles in a month ( a half marathon) – If you are a jogger or runner then it’s a full marathon at 26.2 miles. Then you win a limited edition T-Shirt and can get medals and stuff. It’s fun and motivating. Well I didn’t decide to do it till the 7th and in about a week already hit my half marathon. Got my shirt. Felt awesome. In 7 or 8 classes I had walked a half marathon there. WOW. Who am I? How’s that for a non scale victory?
Amber and I went to Destination XL the other night. I thought for some reason that I would be able to get into some smaller jeans and was so excited to get a few new cool things to wear this weekend with the band. That didn’t work out well for me. And all of a sudden I was size 66 jeans Franco looking in the mirror again. It was 1998 all over again. Or even 2013’s size 60. Frustration and shame washed over me. I didn’t want to get just 1 size smaller than what I already had. I think my head thought that since I had hit my goal that i needed to jump a few sizes since xmas but the truth of the matter is that I am only really down 12-15 pounds since xmas. I actually gained weight in February trying to eat my macros. Ugh. So that shopping trip sucked! But it is what it is. That’s what makes it a journey. That’s why unfortunately it’s not for the weak. You have to be able to push through. You are important. Your story is important. And if it was easy everyone would do it.
To put things into a closing perspective. This bag that I am pictured carrying has 100 pounds of sand in it. It’s incredibly hard and awkward to carry at boot camp. I was almost in tears walking across the floor with it. 16 months ago I was carrying that weight everywhere I went. No wonder my feet were always on fire and filled with arthritis. It just completely overwhelmed me. I could dwell and be upset about letting that happen to me again but I chose to just celebrate it and move forward. I am changing. I am making better decisions. I am trying. 4
I have to sign out of there for the day. Heading to the shore to get phase one of opening the shore house ready! Wish it was a little sunnier but it’s still the shore Going to plug in some pandora, turn it up, get lost in the moment, reflect a little and come back swinging tonight for OTF and the weekend!
Again, I can’t thank you enough for the likes, comments, and love over the past week. I am not done yet. Thank you for being on my team. Thank you for being there to pick me up when I fall. Thank you for giving a shit about another person. I am blessed. Spread the love
As always follow me on Twitter and IG for more updates. New Blogs on Thursdays. So much to write today but I think I’ll shut up for now.
Keep fighting the good fight!