I haven’t written in awhile. It happens. I am glad you are still here though. I haven’t stopped. I’ve tripped and stumbled but I haven’t stopped.
I got on the scale Monday and I was almost 321 pound. I was pretty much in tears. The dogs had just covered themselves in mud in the back yard. Nothing was going my way that morning and I had to get to a workout. Something had to give.
But on my way to train I took a few moments to focus. I hadn’t been taking my water pill. I wasn’t drinking enough water. My eating was way off. I was making bad decisions. So in the end you can either keep making them or start making better ones.
I went to training and then boot camp. I made sure my meds were taken and water was drank and tried my best to hit my macros. And that started things going in the right direction. in a few days. 10 pounds have flushed off me and I feel so much better. Thank god. It’s the scariest thing ever to me to feel the weight coming back on.
I haven’t been myself since Easter. I get these ear infections and have since was a kid. They have been worse the past few years and I think a lot of it has to do do with all of a sudden hitting 40 and having allergies. I NEVER had them as a kid. I hit 40 and it’s been brutal ever since. Right now I am on my 3rd Z pack since then and first round of antibiotics. I think that is affecting me as well.
But I am still here. I am still trying. I still have goals and I will get them! It is just going to take me a little time. And that I have.
And that was last week and I never finished this blog so let me catch you up a little bit.
I have worked out every day this week. On Monday I trained with my trainer and hit a 145lb personal record on the bench press and did boot camp. Tuesday was OTF and Bootcamp… Wednesday was OTF, Training and Bootcamp… Today was OTF and later I’ll bootcamp. So I am getting my workouts in. I am getting stronger. My weight is up a few pounds but I am going to ride it out and not let it get in my head too much. I really need to get my eating under control. I am just on the struggle bus.
I think I am going to plan my week out. It’s only really 3 1/2 days since I’ll be heading to the shore on Thursday Night and I am sure will be lots of chicken and that’s okay I guess. It is what it is.
I am not giving up. I promise. I always want to write to you guys – if anyone is left reading this anymore.. But I sound like a pathetic broken record to myself sometimes. I can do this… I will do this. I will get better. Its frustrating.
I think I have been depressed about how much loose skin is all over my legs. It hurts to walk. It hurts to jump. I actually prefer my pants on stage to be a little tighter to hold it all together. If I can’t get the insurance company to help me with it I will have to figure out something come fall. A part of me is trying to get my head straight to try and take off as much weight as I can till then because it will only be better for me and whatever procedures the doctor wants to do for me. So I think I will try and put myself to a June Challenge. Better habits. More sweat. Challenge myself a little more.
I’ve applied to a million jobs and no bites so I have nothing but time. It’s time to make things happen for myself then.
Amber and I got a lot done at the shore house this past weekend and it’s pretty much ready for the summer. That’s my time of year. Things will be better.
thank you to everyone at home, reading, in my life at all who pushes me, guides me, helps me, and hasn’t given up on me… You are loved.
I’ll try and let you know how things are going before the holiday weekend hits.
You’re your own worse critic. You’re doing great! Looking forward to hanging out in Wildwood next Saturday!