Brave

brave

brāv/

adjective

adjective: brave; comparative adjective: braver; superlative adjective: bravest

1. 1. ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage.

My blog last week touched a nerve and started conversations with some of my friends and especially my wife,  Amber.  She was able to pull me out of the darkness that I fell into a lot quicker than I thought I was going to be able to pull myself out of this time.  I wish I can explain it to you but it’s like living in silence and blinded by light at the same time….

A friend called me brave.  Told me that they would have had a hard time living if anything like that happened to that…. It took me a long time to live.

I kept thinking about the word brave over the last few days and re-reading last week’s blog over again because I think the reason I wrote went over some heads for sure. And that’s okay cause in the end again…  it’s for me.

Being Brave is having honest conversations with friends and the confidence that my insecurities will not creep up on me like they once did. It has nothing to do with being a “true friend” and everything to do with being compassionate, understanding and being considerate of someone’s feelings.

Brave is calling people out when what they say hurts me. It’s having the tough conversation and facing the conflict instead of pivoting around it in an attempt to keep the peace.  I was hurt.  I was pulled into a place that I friend should not have pulled me.  Maybe they didn’t realize it, maybe they thought it was no big deal but it was.  Sometimes being brave is just being strong enough to realize you hurt someone and where you go from there.

Lately in the world I think it’s brave to refrain from commenting on social media because it will do more harm than good. Fill it with puppies, kids, food music and love.  The 30 day snooze feature on Facebook is a beautiful away to just quiet the keyboard maniacs.

Some days, brave means choosing to stay. Even though I’m afraid. Even though I’m hurting.

Brave can take years to work up to, coming in increments over time. That’s okay.

I choose to be brave.

When the tears come easy and the days are hard and distance pulls my heart in two.

I choose to be brave.

When my anxiety ties my stomach in knots, the panic is setting in and I can’t get the words out.

I choose to be brave. I choose to let the song I sing talk for me.

When I am intimidated and question my worthiness and talent. When I relapse or have a tough week.

I choose to be brave, I choose to be the hopeful.

I have a lot of people in my life that are brave.  They fight every single day.  Demons, ex wives, husbands, kids, drugs, voices, death, love gone sour, anxiety, insecurities… and all while painting a smile on their faces and trying to get another day alive under their belts. That’s brave.

I am strong enough to know that in the end, this is me and all I can do is my best.

My best was tested this past weekend when I had to play a wedding with the bubonic plague that’s going around.  What sucked even more was that I was a guest and wasn’t a great date nor was I able to eat or drink anything so that sucked.  But like everything else I made it through and 6 days later I am feeling better.  I had lost 7-8 pounds and finally hydrated myself back up and am down 2 pounds from last week.  I am at a total loss of 8 pounds in the last three weeks which is where I needed to be.  Feeling like crap for 5 or 6 days and spending a lot of personal time in the bathroom, you would have thought I was 16 again and trust me, in an Italian household you didn’t have that kinda peace either.

I have to get a lot of lifting in over the next few days because I am severely behind in this week’s programing and I refuse to just skip it.  That’s not me.

Well I have spent pretty much all week in this chair or on the toilet and I am feeling 100% better today so I think I am going to resume life, I finally have a full weekend of shows and it’s time to get a little dancing in!

Thanks for reading, caring and being here….  13 weeks to summer.  42 pounds to goal.

Don’t take no shit from no one!

Franco

p.s. The Philadelphia Eagles are still the Super Bowl Champions and the Flyers are in 2nd Place in the Metro!