Saturday night I had to put the tux on to go to a wedding. Brett’s best friends sister was married and they had a royal wedding in center city,. Black tie is not optional when you own over 20 tuxedos in various sizes. The bad thing is that my newest one that I got in May was too tight. I had to go with last January’s and Brandon’s wedding tuxedo. Somehow I am somewhere in between. Yeah. That didn’t do well for my mental well being. The bumper to bumper traffic all the way into the city didn’t help the silence in the car as I beat myself up over in my head. Nashville, Wildwood, Orlando… all the fun took a back seat to the voices in my head who called me every name in the book. There was no calming voice that just said, it’s 15 pounds Franco, you got this. 27 pounds and you are at goal. 2 pounds a week till the end of the year. You got this. Nope that voice was non existent.
That’s the magic number including my summer time fun. 27 pounds. Not impossible in the grand scheme of things, just tired of tying anymore but not at the point of just giving up on myself. It’s been a long summer with Amber’s dad passing, worrying about his house. While we show you all the fun on FB and IG it took a toll on us too. The one person I wanted to tell me that I was doing a decent job at life is gone and I am not sure the couple things he did say at the very end count.
We both kinda went off a bit. I was going to try sober October but FUCK THAT! Its 9:30am as I am typing this and I just want a drink. Maybe tonight after wings and legs at the gym we will have to have a little Tennessee Tea and after the texts I am getting from the wife, looks like that will be going down.
Most of us are our biggest critics. Every day, we judge and punish ourselves mentally for flaws and mistakes. Its hard to stay out of that head space.
When I go to write a blog every week I usually go into my photograph folder, the selfies and pictures that I take usually tell me where I’ve been for last week. It’s been two weeks since I last blogged, and there aren’t many pictures. So you know something must be wrong with me LOL.
The wedding was fun once I let myself just enjoy myself. Way TOO MANY MINI CHEESE STEAKS. It was nice to see Ali so happy.
On Monday we went down to Penn to see another plastic surgeon and after waiting 3 hours I am supposed to document any rashes I had with photographs and save receipts for cream and maybe something can happen in the future but my hopes aren’t high.￼ it does not Seem like something that’s going to happen for me.
And that brings me through the week. Lots of travel this weekend, hope to keep my eating in check. Hope to report good things next week.
Trying to get my head straight is not easy.
Nothing worthwhile comes easy does it?
At least all my skinny jeans in various sizes all still fit. The 32, 34’s, LOL.
I hope everyone is having a great week.
Meat, cheese, eggs. Repeat.
Head space is the hardest space to be in when you feel any kind of disappointment. I hear you, I feel you, and I also know that this head space is temporary. Feel what you need to feel, and get back to the thang. I’ve been struggling hardcore. But this isn’t about me. Supporting you guys, and enjoy that drink! Xo to ya both!
It Must be in the air, because every single day this week was Filled with Nastygrams and little snarky comments that felt like someone kicked me in the gut so to speak.
I definitely don’t have time for a drink and I considered just heading straight to an AA meeting because the way things are here, my mother and husband are driving me to Drink. SMH ♀️ I am Exhausted, yet as soon as I lay down to rest/sleep,… my Mind Starts Going
Not a good thing
Today, I had a stress test, Heart Ultrasound and EKG,.. not fun but hopefully it provides answers for the horrible chest pains and shortness of breath. Life is Too short already and give yourself a Break because just like my List Of Craziness, you’re Not alone and IT will Get Better/Easier. You and your Wife motivate me to continue Onward, because Giving Up isn’t Your Style. If you guys get a chance, listen to We Three Lifeline or Heaven’s not too far away. Ambers Papa is Looking Down and I’m sure he sends you guys Love. #KeepThatChinUp
I hope you find a little peace, sometimes that’s what we all need. And we need to remember that even small steps forward still push us forward.