Archives for October 2020

Cold

October 30, 2020 By franco Leave a Comment

One of the hardest pills that I’ve had to swallow over the last few weeks is knowing that I meant nothing to people who really meant something to me.

Read that line again.

My wife asked me earlier in the week what was wrong. Pretty sure she already knew what was wrong but Honestly with everything going on with my position being eliminated at work, the band not really having many gigs this year, and this goddamn weather, I am just blah. Of course I told her everything was fine, and the wise ass that she is told me she would just wait till she read my blog later in the week. I am pretty sure my response was 1. Fuck you (Cause I am a wise ass too) and then I mumbled a few of the above things but there is nothing more honestly than the above paragraph. And it hits hard in a few different ways. I am not going to dwell on any of that this week. Let’s get right into the shit this week.

I started a new workout routine. It actually is pretty rough but also pretty awesome. The bad news is that it doesn’t seem to do much for the scale right now. I am sure my body is totally in what the fuck mode. I am contemplating going into a short reverse diet, introducing carbs back into my daily eating and trying to maintain for a month while I let my body have what it needs. I will probably start that on Monday. I don’t think it will be doing anything crazy carb wise but I think I’m going to definitely eat carbs before and after a workout. Maybe even some oatmeal in the morning with my coffee.

hmmm.

So we are at the end of another month and I pretty much am still down the 15 pounds or so from the end of the summer but nothing more. My number one goal for October was to make sure that my tux pants fit for our weddings in the next two weeks. I tried them on last night and they absolutely do, nice and roomy. So I’m not sure why that is because I definitely have not slimmed down to where I was the last time I wore them but I will take it.

Everyone pretty much knows that my wife is the CEO of team Franco. The number one cheerleader, and the number one person to take all my shit. Can’t be one without the other around here. We have been lifting together for the past couple weeks. She definitely doesn’t back down. And probably lifts more than most of the women in the gym. Be very afraid.

I do have some awesome people across the country that are also in my corner. Sometimes people you have never met, from different walks of life, two kids, no kids, and even a Dallas Cowboys fan can motivate you and push you from across the country. I celebrated my 350th ride yesterday on the Peloton. My ring closing team mate Chad was at 450. So the four of us all got on the bike and did a 45 minute power zone endurance ride. I had never done one. I had never gone that long on the bike in a long time either. Not only that I pull it off, burn almost 800 cal, but I set a personal record by over 20 points. I am very lucky to have people in my corner everywhere I turn. It’s crazy sometimes. So this week I give Chad from Texas, Rebecca from Arizona, and Kelly from Southern California all a big shout out. They definitely keep me climbing on the Peloton even when I don’t want to. If I go quiet for too long in our chat, they actually notice and reach out. We’ve had the Peloton for a year now and the one thing I will say between my wife and I, is that it It’s definitely not a clothes hanger like a lot of peoples treadmills.

So going into November I will try my best to keep my energy level high. Starting Monday, get my resume out there… It probably needs another hour or two of work, and I’m just not in the mood with this weather. The dogs lay on my lap and it’s over for me. I think going into the holiday month, I really am just going to keep working out hard, try to push for that one and a half to 2 pounds a week, and keep moving forward.

I was going to tell you all my thoughts about the new Springsteen album, But I think I’m going to keep that to myself.

Life is short. Drink the good whiskey.

Thank you for always being here.

Franco

Two Chords and a Lie….

October 22, 2020 By franco 3 Comments

Good morning everybody. I guess it’s a pretty good time to tell you that I am about 14 hours into a fast on a beautiful sunny Monday morning as I walk through the park talking to myself. On my left is an alcohol anonymous meeting on my right is someone cooking up some kind of barbecue that just smells delicious. And here I am trying to find some clarity and figure out what I’m going to do with myself.

It was a pretty great weekend. Friday night I legitimately did nothing just like I said I was going to do in last weeks blog on a crappy rainy day. Had a couple drinks by myself, cleaned up my bar area. Hung some signs up. Made everything nice for a Sunday fun day that did not go quite as expected. Another grand reason why I can’t always control everything.

Saturday night, the band played. So many nice people came out to see us. And on one hand it was pretty awesome, on the other hand what a shit show. I’m not really sure I want to do it that way. I really want to play music for people but I don’t know if trying to be an old man in the high energy band where you’re just feel like you’re having a life sucked out of you is the way to go.

But here I am talking to myself again walking through the park, the goal in the end is to try and get 4 miles a day for five days this week out on these legs. Don’t know why, just I think it’s something to do and goal to set for myself just this week.. I decided to write a little bit every day so that I’m not trying to jam all this shit out of my head on a Thursday morning to try and make my Thursday blog Goal.

I am not fasting to punish myself. A few years ago when I finally hit the lowest I’ve been in a long time for a week or two, it was after a fast that my body reacted the best. And I want to try and get there again. I also want to show myself and my brain but I still have self-control.

I don’t think a lot of people know that I went to a private grade school and not the local Catholic school like most of my friends got to go to. There was this teacher there who of course ends up being a pedophile 25 years later, another one that I wanted to like me so badly and it this point probably was for the best. UGH! But his punishment which of course I got numerous times was to write the following on the board or on looseleaf 7000 times,

Self-control: a way of controlling myself and a mannerly Way.

Fuck you, you prick.

Monday ended with another 2 1/2 mile walk and a nice chest workout at the gym. Other than some chicken bouillon, and three pickles which were about 15 cal total Monday’s fast was a success.

Today is Tuesday. As I write this both dogs are laying across my lap. It’s raining out. There is absolutely no rain on our forecast. I am 36 hours into my fast. Actually gained weight overnight. 40 hours will be at 12:21pm – easy to figure out when they make apps for this shit. I will be in a meeting at that time so I will at least go till 1 o’clock if not longer. Part of me just wants to go till dinner. I am in ketosis for sure. All the carbs I eat over the weekend are gone.

I’m going to have to figure out my walk today. Might be going to Franklin Mills to bring it back old school. I have to walk, or let out my stepson‘s dogs so I have to leave the house either way before my 1 o’clock meeting. I have a really hard time taking a complete rest day.

But because it’s going to get dark even earlier come Sunday. I am doing my best to get my 20 miles in this week. A very small goal. I am 4.5 already in. I will just have to keep chipping away at it. Especially if I’m going to open the speakeasy on Saturday night and have some fun. I am already thinking of keto treats and snacks to have around. I am keto – everyone will be keto. I will just trick them into it.

Ironically for not eating since Sunday early evening, my stomach rumbles a little bit in bed but not much. And I feel pretty good.

The fast lasted 43 hours. Did I lose weight? Absolutely not. Did I know that I was not going to lose weight? Absolutely. Did I wake up on Wednesday losing a little bit? Yes. What did I learn?

I have self-control. I can do this when I want to. Sometimes I just don’t want to. But I think that my body over the next few days will shed A couple pounds. I wanted to walk 20 miles before daylight savings time clicked on on Sunday. My goal was to walk by myself during the day and then with the family at night. It would bring me close to 5 miles a day. Easy Peezy right? It’s raining the last two days. It’s raining now. What the fuck.

I checked my log on Strava and I am at 6.82 miles for the week so far. What the fuck was I thinking with this 20 miles. If I just force myself to go walk in the rain, which I can do and I’m not opposed to, I still have to get over 4 miles in today to even come close by the end of the week. Sunday counts as the end of the week only because I only started on Monday.

Self-control, a way of controlling myself in a mannerly way.

Hello Wednesday. Today I’m going to do something I don’t normally do.

I am going to do little cardio, but as far as the gym today is a rest day. I’m going to give all my muscles a day to just chill the fuck out. I am not a big fan of that. Especially since I wanted to double up some body parts like my chesticles, shoulders and legs. But I am going to start a new routine next week. Which calls for almost 3 rest days out of seven. New Franco who diss?

On Tuesday night around 11 PM I was invited to a one on one meeting with the new vice president of my companies Microsoft team. Depending on who you asked about eight weeks ago my company either merged with another company if you look at their press release, or if you look at my company, our press release says that we acquired this other company. This other company specializes in Microsoft things. Today is the day that the official Townhall/merger/commingling of the two companies happens. I won’t be attending.

Yesterday at 4 PM, my position was no longer needed and as a 5 PM I was unemployed. The special punch to the gut was the fact that this guy invited me to a one on one which of course did not say that they were adding the HR person to watch me as well, But the fact that here I am being told I am no longer needed by someone I’ve never met, someone had zero interactions with, like the two years plus that I put in there meant shit. Then it’s like sign these documents promising us not to talk shit on us, or sue us, and we will give you a little over a week severance. Oh and return your laptop or we will sue you.

Well I really don’t have anyone to talk shit on so I guess I am silent. I don’t think you talk shit on your ex employers no matter what if you’re trying to find a new job. So all that seems stupid to me I am sure it’s a bunch of corporate mumbo-jumbo. These people don’t know me.

So today is Thursday and I woke up. Jobless. And as much as I want to say I’m stressed the fuck out right now, I don’t know if I am or not. I just feel numb. I had enough shit going on in my brain that I did not need any added stress.

I went and added another 2.39 miles to my total. Still trying to get 20 miles in before daylight savings time this week. I did get on the scale this morning and ironically enough after two slices of pizza last night because you know what, the kid offered me pizza, I was still in ketosis.

I am 4 pounds from from my October goal. So I think the fast, the sticking to keto for the most part, even the rest day all helped. I know weight loss on the scale is not linear. I get that. I also understand that I’m not really making absurd goals for myself. 10 pounds a month is not crazy. It’s absolutely doable.

So I’m going to post this blog. I’m going to continue going to the gym. I’m going to take the rest of the week to clear out the cobwebs in my head and on Monday morning I will get up, sit in the office for a cup of coffee, start revamping my resume, and start getting myself back out there. Until then there might be some whiskey involved.

It goes without saying that the speakeasy will be opening on Saturday LOL. If you know you know.

I wanted to talk about the new Bruce Springsteen album that I’ve been listening to all week. But I will save that for another day. I will leave you at two observations about it as you should download it tomorrow when it comes out officially for sure.

My two favorite songs right now are bookends. The first and last songs on the album. They both talk about summer ending in two different ways. If you’ve been reading this for a while now you know how much the summer means to me both beginning and end.
Bruce always sings about Mary. And then some songs like the river, Mary is a made up name for his sister. And most of the time he has said that it’s just a generic name. Fits in a lot of songs. And it could be anyone to anyone. Mary is usually on all the albums. Somewhere hiding. It looks like she was too busy for this album. I crack myself up. This album is Mary free. Not sure if I love that or if I’m sad about it. Mary is like oranges in the Godfather. They are everywhere. You would think degos love oranges or something. Hmmmm
Lol.

Well, as usual lately. This is me trying.

Me, Myself and I

October 16, 2020 By franco Leave a Comment

Me, myself and I do not see Eye 2 Eye most times.

I wonder when I love myself the right way will be enough.

It takes time I guess. I am getting old though so maybe I should figure it out sooner than later. Before it’s too late.,

I guess you could also celebrate “I like me”. I like me but Who knows. Is that cool? Is that enough?

No one should Ever feel that they aren’t good enough. That they are second best, and are a priority in their inner circles lives.

Have you ever texted or called someone and they haven’t written you back yet but they have liked 15 pictures on IG – posted two stories and a post about their cat? You my friend are not a priority no matter how you slice it. I’m that friend a lot I think.

You hang around people and their phone never leaves their hand until you actually reach out or are waiting for them to reach out to you. I think my nieces are the worst. Being ignored, being invisible, is the worst.

I would like to tell you that all you need is me, myself and I. You can be your #1 cheerleader. You can, you will, BUT…. You can but it’s not true. I think people need people. I know I do. My stepson Brandon, he was built for this pandemic. Me not so much. I already worked from home most days but not the isolation seems to get to me. And for a week or two after the summer I thought I’d just walk, stay active and keep moving but I felt like I was over doing it.

I think I have been overdoing it. This weeks weight pretty much stayed the same and I have been going up and down around this months numbers every other day. Walking. Peloton. Gym. Keep moving. Possibly. Rest. Unplug. Disappear.

Last night at the gym, my old coach and friend brought up my legs and surgery again. I had been beaten up and rejected enough by the insurance company that I had pushed it out of my mind. And then of course I couldn’t sleep cause it was all I was thinking about. I guess when I lose another 40 pounds I will start to look into it again. I’ll be old as fuck by then but whatever. It’s only money right.

Why live with something that you hate? Wonder if he cause erase my butt too. Then I can be a total Instagram influencer. LOL. Da Fuq. I don’t know. I’m old. I shouldn’t be worrying about the shit at this point.

Tomorrow night the band gets back on stage after two months. It’s been over seven months since we played in Pennsylvania. Not sure what to expect. Not sure what I feel. I think at this point it’s safe to say I am going to post this, go to target and get a few things I need like sugar-free ketchup LOL. Hit the state store. Come home shower and get under blankets for a cold miserable night.

I wasn’t going to post anything this week because I was bummed out that the scale didn’t cooperate as much as I wanted to but it’s about the accountability right.

It’s OK to not be OK. Took me a long time that much I realize. Sometimes you just have to sit in silence.

Me.

Make Me Fucking Care.

October 8, 2020 By franco 3 Comments

A book I was reading not too long ago asked me to make you care. I believe it said make me fucking care.

Why should anyone give a shit about you and your message? Why does anyone give a shit about me?

That was actually one of the writing prompts.

Is there a part of your story that is their story? Can I find a common ground and what you are writing about? I have always respected anyone who might be reading this, and revealed as much of my motivation as possible. My drive, the belief I have in myself and in you, if you’re on the same journey or a similar journey as I am. I don’t hide my love for the people around me, my life experiences , and the hopes for my future or my message. These are seeds of any good relationship, you just have to have the confidence to plant them. If they are viable, no matter what, they will grow.

Why are we here?

I started this blog for accountability. I found it very hard to not tell you more about my life and what was going throughout my head to coincide with the journey I was on. If I tell you what’s going on on and off the stage for example., You might understand why I might’ve had a bad week with my diet or an amazing week for that matter.

I also really wanted to inspire people, to show them that no matter what, they could also change their life. I mean, I fit in airplane seats, roller coaster seats, my challenger seats, And no matter how perfect you might be to someone else, it’s those little things that you can and can’t do that really fuck you up if you have been overweight… Imagine not being able to put on your seatbelt in a car. The most basic of safety feature that you probably use everyday.

I am here to hold myself accountable. I am here to inspire. I am here to tell you that things will be OK. Your story is important. As much as mine will ever be.

Today is accountability day. Where are we in the process? I also took a look at my logs. Actually realize not many people are reading. So I could probably stand on my head, do whatever I need to do here. Or just maybe use a paper journal instead but I guess until I hit maintenance I’m going to keep writing here. Because this was all about accountability, this was my escape plan. Once I get to maintenance I guess their won’t be much to tell you other than if I can actually stay at maintenance. I hear Maintenance is a glorious thing.

Sooooo. I am right on track. Let me tell you I feel like I am killing myself a little bit although I know I’m not. I am just trying to stay active. Occupy my mind a little bit. There is nothing to watch on TV, I am not a streamer type of guy. And no I can’t watch hours of Law and order SUV like some people. So I just keep moving my body as much as possible. I actually took a partial rest day yesterday. Can you believe it? I still did the peloton and went for a walk but no weightlifting.

I am down a little over 4 pounds since last week. My goal for October is 10 pounds as well. So I am on my way. That’s almost 15 pounds since my Labor Day reset. And more like 20 if I look at a few days before labor day. ECK! BUUUUUUUTTTTT I am logging my calories and macros.. (Protein, carbs, fat, s)and Although I can have fat, it isn’t Oreos which would make me very happy LOL.

Since we last spoke, I have walked over 14 miles. I have been on my bike five times and in the last 20 days I’ve rode 112 miles. And I’ve been to the gym five times as well. So I am out here doing it. The magic number is 44. Boom! I am working hard. And it’s not without demons.

I am definitely enjoying my strength training portion of this journey. I can tell that my upper body is leaning out for sure. I feel good. Isn’t that the most important thing?

The band returns to the stage next week for the first time in two months. Dinner theater style. It should be interesting. Maybe I have to bust out some cats. Years ago I used to sing a line or two of memory at the end of a song, I wish I could remember what song that was in. It was definitely long enough ago that Joe wasn’t in the band because he probably would never let me get away with it now LOL. I’ll post my inspiration to that below. Worth a watch. It’s funny!

One more trip to the shore this weekend!

85 Days left in 2020

123 days until my birthday

235 days until Memorial Day

Thank for riding with me.

Franco

Everything has Changed

October 1, 2020 By franco 1 Comment

I really didn’t know what to expect from summer 2020. I knew I was going into it almost 40 pounds heavier than the summer before. The summer before I was at my all time low on Father’s Day. I was scared about bathing suits fitting, shorts, you name it. And in the end I got by without really buying anything new. There is a shock for everyone. The summer started with lots of friends running amok across Wildwood on memorial day weekend for the first time in a very long time. No-shows.

Hanging out at one of my favorite places in Wildwood and talking to everyone. in early July New Jersey decided to open outdoor dining, and loosen outdoor gatherings to an extent. And the owner of my favorite bar asked if I’d play a duo.

This led to many more shows till the end of September and also help me make some awesome new friends. Everyone was working so hard changing with the state regulations and doing their best to ensure safety, as well as adding a little fun for people who were so starved for it that they were coming down the shore because it was the closest thing to a normal you were going to find .

I spent a lot of time on my friends boat. I even fished. I saw dolphins, almost caught a massive shark, and also saw my first real sea turtle. That fucker was big.

Financially I did the best I could and diet wise well we all know how that rolls. Fucking whiskey. But as I went into September and realized that the summer was going to die shortly. I did start reeling myself in.

Today is actually the last day of the month, well I won’t post this tomorrow I figured I’d get a jumpstart, and I’m walking in the park using my dictation program. So yes this might be longer than usual LOL.

So in the end, the summer wasn’t about getting super skinny, it was about adaptation. It was about being able to change and letting the things we can’t control not impact our daily lives. It was about learning what really makes me happy. Not sure I have that locked in yet, but I did get to spend time with a lot of friends as family. I was able to make time for old friends, and I made some new ones too.

I got to spend time with my family, on the beach, on the water, and made the most out of everyone’s happy place. I realize the extent that my friends would go through for me as well. So many taking trips to the shore, just to hear a little bit of music.

Although this was not the summer I had planned for the band on paper, which let me tell you was the best fucking summer that we would have ever had. It definitely was not the worst. It really helped me see what I missed, who I missed, and how it all relates to my life, happiness, and sometimes even general well-being. It’s nice to grind and see some financial stability out of it. It’s nice to get on stage and get all those demons out that need to be screamed into a microphone some days. It’s also really nice to not have anywhere to go sometimes. That’s where I am this weekend for the first time. Almost zero plans.

I honestly thought that I wouldn’t have many places to go all summer but here I was driving to the shore every weekend of September to sing too! Biker weekend, Firemans weekend, Irish weekend, you name it, I was there . Don’t get me wrong, singing is very high up there on my favorite things to do. I don’t care if it’s with the band, with the radio, or with the karaoke track. I love to sing. But I said the summer would be over for me on September 26 and it was. And let me tell you. I was dressed as a fucking leprechaun and still had the time of my life bringing it to a close.

But today is going to be October 1 when you read this, and I think it’s time for me to become a basic bitch, wear hoodies, drink my coffee, I know I don’t like anything pumpkin., And trying to get the most out of the fall weather. Although our air conditioning is still pumping at the house.

It’s time.

I have one more trip to the shore next week for business, and actually it’s condo business LOL. But then I think it’s going to be time to open the speakeasy. I do have 4 Bigg Romeo 7gigs with everyone over the next month. But it’s about time for that too. We will see how people react to weddings, and the band, and a pandemic environment. It will also be time for me to start really looking at what I personally want to do next summer, and also with the band.

2021 should be a good year for everyone since all our 2020 weddings were pushed into that year for the most part. Add a few more in there and boom we will be plenty busy.

Do I want to wake up when September ends? I don’t know. I am on the last day of September now walking through Neshaminy State Park talking into my earpiece like a maniac. I woke up on Monday and I was at my goal. Even after a boys weekend. Rock the fuck on right? Nope. Woke up the next day 3 pounds heavier and then the next day same weight. Today is the last day I have to hit my goal and stay there. So here I am doing what I can do. Part of me thinks the last few days I’ve just done too much. I am ready for my swoosh. I know that it’s coming. I’ve been down this path many times.

I know a lot of you guys reading, kept telling yourself I will wait till the end of the summer., Will guess what. Summer is definitely over. It’s time. We all know that while I will set some goals for the year, They are usually more of a vision board then they are New Year’s resolutions. I would like to knock out as many of those in 2020, and just salvage the shit year. I don’t think it’s been all bad. I just don’t like change. And we have all had to change and adapt like maniacs.

But I can talk about my September goals in case you don’t want to go back and read them. I was going to ride my bike at least three times a week. Check. I was going to try and add a little bit of walking to my schedule. 2 miles a day at least 3 to 4 times a week. Check. I was going to go to the gym for five days a week. Check. Not bad for an old man huh?

And as of October 1 which it is right this second. I hit my goals for September. I lost 10 pounds. Bike. Walk. Gym. A gallon of water most days when it was possible and I was not in the car obviously a lot LOL. But I did it.

So what am I going to do in October? Try for another 10 pounds because on Halloween I have to make sure tuxedo fits. And not to spoil anyone suspense, my smallest tux pants actually fit, A little snug. I won’t be shaking my body down to the ground yet, but they fit. So the object is to just keep moving forward this month.

In case anyone is doing any kind of math it’s 2 pounds a week safely. Nothing crazy but it’s not pouring off me like it did a few years ago…. so I have to stay focused and keep pushing forward.

Thank you as always for following along. I am always here if you need a cheerleader!

Till next week!

Franco