So Uncomfortably Numb

100lb+ weight loss, Low Carb, Musician. Photographer. IG Junkie. Ink Addict. Gym Rat. Master of the Dark Arts.

Archives for May 2019

Glorious You!

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I hope this week finds everyone well. I seem to say that a lot. But it’s true. You never know who out there struggling. And in the end I’m not talking about just dieting. I think sometimes it’s all tied together. And a good mental health will make everything else better. I struggle. I fight. I would sing songs with my eyes closed most of the night. Sometimes I still do. Although I try my best to make eye contact and sing directly at people. I don’t see the pointing at me like I used to. Definitely weird.

The week got away from me. Tuesday came and I got on the scale And I wish I could say that I had some amazing food but I didn’t really.   Well I do take that back. After my show on Saturday I had a grilled cheese bacon sandwich, just a half a one. It was to die for. I also had two brisket and bacon tacos. Yes bacon was the theme since it was a bacon festival in a park a few blocks from my house. It was even nicer to have my friends with me having fun.

I guess I can recap the last few days quickly. Friday we had a wedding. I absolutely love this bride. She texted me in a panic Friday morning at 7 AM. Mostly because she just had anxiety. It had nothing to do with me or the band. It was cool to be a lifeline  She’s been through hell and I told her that she was a fucking warrior and that we were going to have a blast.  I was actually the officiant of her wedding. I think I did a pretty good job at it. I got a lot of great feedback. Just enough Franco mixed with a little God and love. Sounds like a perfect ceremony. Baba played guitar for it. And they were extremely happy with what we brought to the table together. The Bride and groom make sure to spend some time with Baba after the wedding and I always like that because it makes my team feel good.

Saturday morning found me in the car at 7:30am heading to the beach. My house was already full of people who of course had to text and Snapchat me the entire time I was at the wedding knowing that I can’t answer because they are a bunch of wise asses. It does make me sad to miss out on a lot of the fun but we did our best on Saturday to make up for it. Even for a few hours before showtime. Then for an hour or two after show time. The funny thing is that the show was great Saturday. We played before one of my friends and you know me if you are reading this, I don’t just jump on stage with other bands. It’s not my thing. I like to do it to other people. But I do not like to do it. I am way too self-conscious. Most of the time I am in flip-flops, shorts with my legs and loose skin all over the place. Nope not happening. But when this particular friend asked me to sing with them, there was no chance in hell that I was not going to do it. He has not been doing well healthwise and I will always cherish the two minute video of me on stage with him.

I went to bed by 10:30 on Saturday night. I am a crazy man. The good thing is I was up first thing on Sunday and by at 10:30 AM we were already rolling out with a new crew to grab drinks and lunch. We sat outside for quite a few hours catching some sun, having drinks and great company. Sunday night took me back to my jersey shore home and although many of our friends were tired out from the weekend it was nice to see so many that were able to man up.

It was a great show and I came home to Philadelphia early on Monday because we want to get the pool clean and see the dogs. I absolutely hate walking them at the shore. But I definitely miss having them with me.

So when I got on the scale on Tuesday I have been fighting to get back to my lowest weight since before Florida. Not really sure why because I am eating keto for the most part but at the same time I think I’ve been going over my calories every day. And maybe my body needs that. I just feel like come 8 o’clock I am always famished. I definitely will have two fast a little more often to balance everything out. Nothing crazy but maybe a 36 hour fast every two weeks to just repair and balance everything out. As of this morning I was down 5 pounds this week from the 10 pounds that I put on between Florida and this past weekend. Sitting comfortably at 249.8lbs. 240 here I come. I would love to be 235 before we go to Nashville but I am not going to push it. Slow and steady wins the race. It’s nice to know that I can have a little fun and then buckle down and get back to where I was without much stress.

So that’s it honestly. I have a quite a few friends out there crushing it. And it’s great to see. The weekend is upon us and I have off today. Maybe I will go get myself into some trouble tonight with the Mrs. – you never know.

LOVE YOU!

FRANCO

 

Summer Gods

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Have you ever noticed life has patterns? If you have, you may have noticed somehow things always work out.  It doesn’t seem like it when you are going thru it tho… To say you feel like shit during the process is an understatement.
But somehow everything works out and you grow and the things you think you can’t survive somehow you make it through.

So congrats to you because you have made it thru some messed up stuff in your life and I wanted to let you know that if you are going thru something right now… You will find a way, you always have.

Please always remember that you are stronger than you think… I have a hard time doing that myself.  This will serve as a reminder to us both.

That being said and on my mind let me get you off my blog and ready for the weekend quickly.

Be you.  Do you.  Give zero fucks what people think about you.  We will all end up in the same 4 foot hole.  What the hell is the difference.

lol.  Let’s go!

I am a summer god.  I always have been.  I didn’t know it at the time.  I wanted to go to Disney like all the other kids at school and my parents basically told me to shut up.  We have a house at the shore.  I was a kid and didn’t know better.  I wanted to meet Mickey.  I remember my dad bitching in the winter about the mortgage and bills at the shore..  But come summer he’d see my sister and I all tan and having fun and he’d be happy.  He was there late saturday into sunday.  He wasn’t doing it for him. He was doing it for me.  I get that now.  Fucked up ain’ t it.  I am 48 years old. Took me long enough to not only become my father but get it.  I get it too.

I am a summer god. I live for it. I live for the salt air and sun on my skin. I live to get up on that stage singing, screaming, laughing and seeing my friends. I count it down. I work toward it. I pray for it to come faster. My parents and grandma spoiled me with their sacrifices to provide that for me growing up and now I do the same for my family. I work hard all year long for these 3 short months and try to make as memories as I can to hold me till the next. I look forward to a house full of friends, buckets of booze, and the water. It’s finally here.

I am a summer god and Bigg Romeo heads into our 23rd summer kickoff at the shore.  I don’t know how many I have left in me.  I think that some of the crews health will pose issues this summer.  I think as I get a little older, my personal needs and why I do things, change too.  So while I am in the best shape of my life going into this one..  I am going to do my best to leave it on that stage every single night and have zero regrets when the summer ends and if I make it to the next, great.  If not, I’ll have the memories we’ve created.

I bought another pair of new tux pants and have now creeped into a medium tshirt! WOOP!  So no scale this week.  I’ll stick to the non-scale victory and rock my schmedium tshirt this weekend.

I am a summer god.

I am ready.

Franco

Have A Magical Day!

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I don’t even know how to start this weeks blog as I sit here on the airplane on my way home from Florida. I have been here for a few days now and I am ready to get back home and into my routine. I never thought that I’d be such a big fan of routines but it turns out that I am. Maybe it’s my old age. I dunno. I tried to stick t0 it as much as possible. I got up on Monday and Tuesday and went to the gym. My dad was great and took me to Publix and we bought all the keto food I wanted and I made eggs and burgers and even hot dogs for everyone. I even had my new favorite evening snack, tomatoes and mozzarella in olive oil. So I was good.

NOT SO MUCH IN THE PARK! But it’s one day and I’ll snap right the hell back from that. The thing about eating crap in the park was that it wasn’t even good crap. I wish it was enjoyable. But it wasn’t. It was just what was available. I will do better in September when we come back to go to Universal. Good meals etc. Some amazon prime snacks to the room. Good stuff. Good intentions. Who knows.

So let me reel myself in cause I don’t know where to start so lets start and go down the days since earth last blog.

Friday night I worked and wasn’t feeling too hot. Saturday we had a wedding and it was nice. My tux pants were completely falling off even with suspenders so I have to go deal with that by next weeks wedding. New tux pants but whatever at least they aren’t tight. They are going in the right direction. Not a bad problem to have. I know I can go buy them off the rack now.

Sunday was Mothers day. I got up early and took Amber to breakfast and then got myself together for the trip to Orlando. It was pouring when I left but had zero issues. I got a free massage from the TSA people. That was pretty awesome. No happy ending though. Got on the plane. Seatbelt fit nice. Lots of extra room. No extension. Just perfect. Flying solo isn’t a big deal for me. My sister bought a house a month ago and wanted to surprise my mom and I. If I would have known I would have brought Amber with me. I didn’t want her sleeping on a couch or air mattress like me and here I had my own room. WOOOP! No issues traveling though.

Monday and Tuesday was a lot of family time. The girls went to school and I worked and spent time with my mom and dad. On Monday night we had to go to church for rehearsal and then Tuesday night was the confirmation. LONG mass in Spanish and English. But hey we got holy up in there.

Wednesday was a day in Disney with the family. My sister is a annual pass holder as well as cast member. The girls are Disney experts. They live 10 minutes from there and to them it’s like going to the mall. They will get tickets for something. Go on the three fast passes and go home and study. It’s still exciting for them and I love asking them silly questions cause they will always know the answers. It’s the greatest thing in the world to see through their eyes.

I have to give my sister a shout out cause she knows my dad can be difficult and my mom is having a little bit of a hard time walking and she already knew all the excuses that they would give so she had them all covered. That’s why she’s my favorite sister. Dad wasn’t gonna leave Luca home all day. (Luca is his pom pom) So my sister pre-paid and booked a day at the Disney doggie spa. See. She is smart. Dad could not fight it although he tried but the girls pushed him over the top.

We got to Hollywood Studios. Rosa was going to show me Toy Story land and then sooner or later I had something I needed to scratch off my bucket list. We got to the park early. Got in and hit Star Tours. I am not sure why my dad didn’t go on but I can take it or leave it myself. We met Micky and Minnie and then set off to Toy Story Land. As we were looking at the Slinky Dog roller coaster, my dad said he was going and my brother and law gave him his fast pass, my sister gave me hers and then my 73 year old dad went on his first roller coaster with his oldest son and grand daughters. There is a video and it’s glorious. He is laughing and smiling the whole time. This was something that I will never forget. It didn’t dawn on me but he later went on Space Mountain and screamed and cursed the whole time in italian. He loved it.

We had lunch. Then it was my turn. Without getting into the test seat to see if I fit, I got in line with the girls for the single rider line at the Rock and Roll Roller Coaster. My adrenaline was high and I wasn’t panicked. I had never been upside or gone that fast either. Line was a little long. Not many people go on that alone or without a partner but I took a final selfie with the girls and let everyone know I loved them in case I died. 🙂 I ended up with the Sweet Emotion car and sat next to a girl from England who I told I had a mini pizza for lunch and she just laughed and said to enjoy the ride. She was so excited for me when she saw my smile as we pulled up. I did it. UPSIDE DOWN bitches. Doesn’t mean I am racing to do it again…. But I did it once at least. And I went on Space Mountain too. Not a fan. No where near and smooth at the RNR coaster.
It was a great day and little by little I am settling into who I am and my body.

Woke up the next day and here I am. On a plane. On the way home. I miss everyone. Luna took a crap on the couch the day after I left. I always make jokes that she doesn’t like me cause she really is strong willed and does what she wants. Everything is on her terms. You call her and she won’t come but then 5 minutes later she’s licking your face and up your butt. But Little G is depressed. He’s my best buddy and usually always by my side. I am over NC right now G. I am coming home.

I hugged my mom and dad today and it’s hard for me to not wonder if it’s the last time that I get to do that. Saying goodbye at Brandon’s wedding was easy because I knew I would see them in a few months. Now there is nothing on the calendar and I don’t see myself making it to NC anytime soon. Did I hug him hard enough? Did I say I loved you? Am I a good son? Wow and the tears just stream down my face. Am I the only one wired this way?

I created memories and I hope to create many more with the people I love and those who love me. There is no time to let those who don’t in your life. #nohangerons

6 years ago or so we were going to Vegas. I was so excited. I was also at the heaviest that I was in the last 6 or 7 years. It was really a few months before I decided to get better. We had gotten to the airport. We were so excited. Then a girl from Southwest came over to tell me that if I didn’t buy another ticket, I couldn’t get on the plane.
There was no –  hey can we speak to you for a minute over here. No, it was in front of all the soccer parents and some of my closer friends. I was devastated.

Today I was waiting to board the plane and there was a guy who was bigger then I was but that’s beside the point, Another passenger asked me if they had called zone one yet and I told him that they were about to pre-board wheel chairs. He then asked me where I was sitting cause I’d probably end up sitting next to the FAT guy in the front. I told him that I was that guy a few years ago and he just looked at me, and said well your skinny now so you are good. I put myself out there and the guy just didn’t get it. He sat in front of me…. bought two seats… and I heard he had a nice time in Disney. People suck.

So tomorrow I’ll get back at it. It’s not easy. So much easier to eat junk or whatever you want. But I am living my best life now and that makes it very very worth it.

I can’t wait till Nashville now.

Hope everyone had a great week.

Franco

Not Today!

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So I start this weeks blog 3 pounds down from last week. I am definitely thinking that the three day or so fast is the way to kickstart everything. I think I’m going to fast for 48 hours next week. And get myself in tune to have a little extra fun on memorial day weekend. If I can head to 235lbs I will no longer be obese on the silly ass BMI scale.

It’s really hard sometimes to clear your heart from the bullshit. The people that are busting my balls or mumble under their breath or have shit to say,  You want to be the bigger person and sometimes it’s hard. But what do you expect from people? I read somewhere that an apology without change is manipulation. There is definitely a lot of that in the world anymore.

You can’t make excuses and you can’t blame people for not being where you are anymore. Getting your shit together requires a level of honesty that some people can’t even imagine. There’s nothing easy about realizing that you’re the one that’s been holding you back this whole time.

That’s OK. There is always time to rise above it. If you fail today. There is always tomorrow.

I am very much looking forward to the summer. I am very much looking forward to seeing my mom and dad this upcoming week as well. After this week I’m not really sure when I will see them again. They are both in their early 70s and I hope they are around for a long time. But as I get older and I watch people leave us, it definitely gives me anxiety. While being together used to be a major sign of stress for me, it’s much better now. I carry a whole different level of confidence, even around my dad. Although when I am around them it really makes me miss my grandma even more.

I had this funny debate with my dad last week who wanted to Bring me a dress shirt or two to Florida to wear for my nieces confirmation. I told him I was probably 16 or 16 1/2. The 17 I wore to the wedding was too loose. He kept tell me that I had to be wrong to go check the shirt. It just so happened that my son had a brand new size 16 ultraslim shirt sitting on the kitchen table. I put that on with no problem. The neck was just a little tight, so I figured a 16 1/2 would be perfect. I definitely did a happy dance around the living room on FaceTime while I showed my father.

Keep those non-scale victories coming as my body will soon hold onto this last 10 pounds that I lost for a while and my body will start to recomposition. Just seems to be the way it’s been going for the last couple months. Now that I know, Patience is the key.

Life is amazing. Then is awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing in the awful it’s ordinary and Mundane and routine. Breathe in any amazing. Strap yourself in and hold on when it’s really awful. Relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just life. That’s just living – heartbreaking, soul healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And guess what, if you’re really look at it it’s breathtakingly beautiful. My grandma woke up every single day of her 88 year life and thanked God for another day. On her last day, her coffee and breakfast was on the kitchen counter and the front door was open… she thanks him then too and then she went to meet her maker. That’s life. Are you living yours? Because if you wanna know what scares me the most is regret and not living.

Another thing to realize is make changes for you. Nobody else. If you’re waiting for a pat on the back, you’re never going to get it. Just saying.

I am heading to Florida on Sunday for a couple days to see my family. The best part about the whole thing is I have zero expectations. This way, I won’t be let down, I’m still going to stay keto. I’m still going to do my thing. I’m going to get to the gym at least two of the three days. I’m just letting it go where it’s supposed to.

A quick shout out to my wife this week!  Thank you for being a great mom.  You set the bar very high for those around you.  You did an amazing job with both boys.  And even though one is not here under our roof anymore you still guide and nurture and NUDGE him when needed.  You are a constant positive influence on them and I am proud to be a part of it.  We don’t play good cop, bad cop very well but that’s okay.  But both are successful, happy and in the end happy is all that matters.  Thank you for letting me be a part of the boys lives so long ago when i probably had no business with that amount of love and trust.

Happy Mother’s Day Amber!

Hope everyone has a great week and a happy Mothers Day to all the moms out there making a difference in their kids lives.

Keep grinding.

Franco

I’ve Been Waiting for This

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My son Brett is in the process of going through Police officer interviews to work at a local police department. He’s going to be a cop. I’m not sure honestly what he dreamed about becoming because he changed his mind so often growing up. Pretty sure at one point he’s going to be a professional Pokémon catcher, hockey player, soccer player, clothing designer, physical therapist, Athletic trainer, FBI agent  – you name it. I am really glad that no matter what he found his path. Although it scares the living hell out of me, I am really proud of him.  I am proud of both of them.  

I played with Legos when I was growing up. I didn’t make anything crazy out of them though. I built stages, and concert platforms, and trusses for lighting. I would pour baking soda into some of the grooves and then cover them in vinegar so they were foam like fog. My Star Wars figures quickly became the band. And all I ever dreamed about was being on the stage. I guess my dream came true. That stage is filled with anxiety and with an amazing mix of happiness every time I come to the front to sing. 

This past weekend I was the most comfortable that I have ever been in my skin. I know I probably have been saying that a lot lately across social media platforms but it is true. Many people my age think that their best summer was probably in their past but I really think that this is my summer. I can’t wait to get on stage at the shore. Dreams don’t ever stop coming. I’m going to do my best to fulfill as many of them as possible.  But that dream about being on stage….  I did it.  I F#ING DID IT.   And I am doing it well too.  No one can take that away from me.  

Saturday was amazing.  It did not hurt that I had friends there from three different gyms that I’ve spent the last five years at. I felt so much love and support.

If you are following my keto journey, I added another page of Keto information to the Keto section on my website. I did all the homework for you and have lead you to some amazing links for information.

So let’s get to where I am at this week in this crazy ass journey.

If you read last week I was trying an extended fast to reboot my metabolism and a few other benefits. I made it 66 hours. 

On Sunday after a night of drinking and dancing I weighed in at 248 and almost cried. But I figured I was dehydrated and that it would bounce back so not to get too excited and it did but only to to 250 and then after a day or two I came back down and now can cry happy tears cause I’m pretty much out of the 250s and a two month merry go round of a plateau is over. The fasting worked. Not right away but a day or two after my body reacted, it rewarded me. 

So for the first time in my adult life I am under 250 pounds. I’m not even sure how to process it. I’ll be much happier when I get closer to 245 and stay in that ballpark and not two up two down from 248.

You’d be surprised how many things actually have a weight limit of 225 to 250.

Here is a list of some of the things that I can do freely. 

Sit in a beach chair
Use most pool rafts
zip line on fremont street
go to Ifly and parachute ( probably not doing this one)
Horseback riding
Go on any water slide at Volcano Bay
Fit on all the rides at Disney and Universal
Fit in any chair
Get on a plane and not be afraid of who I am sitting next to.  

Pretty much things that most people can do but definitely things that when you’re heavier you worry about.

So where do I stand? In about two weeks it will be a year or so that we’ve been low-carb. My keto lifestyle really didn’t kick in until July. I remember being on vacation trying to maneuver it.

I am about half a pound away from hitting 90 pounds lost since last April. From a 2X T-shirt to a medium if I need it to be but I like the large for sure. At the beginning of last summer my pants size was a 46. I am now down into the low 30s. 

I am happy. I am OK. I can’t be pushed down for long. I have been at it for over five years, I’m down almost 170 pounds total and am still standing, still fighting, ready to take on the world! 

I have set a new healthy goal of 235lbs by Labor Day. I figure this will keep me on the right path, give me something to work towards, and pretty much be the end. I think being 6’2 and 235 will be pretty damn good! 

So there it is.  Heading to OCMD this Saturday Morning!  Taking the Ferry on Sunday.  Lots of salt air in my forecast.  

Hope ya’ll are well.  

Franco

P.S. We are definitely going to hell.  And we’ll have all the best stories to tell.