Archives for November 2018

The Last to Know

November 29, 2018 By franco 1 Comment

I hope this finds you well. I hope your Thanksgiving was perfect, plentiful and peaceful. Mine was over in a matter of 20 minutes, but it was a good 20 minutes. My wife on the other hand cooked for hours. LOL.

So if you’re keeping track I guess let me tell you about my trip to New York. We went to see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child as part of an early birthday celebration for Amber. With Brandon getting married a few days after her 50^th birthday, it’s a little hard to really pull off anything spectacular. With tickets being so expensive I figured the money I would spent on a house party or a small get together somewhere we were just go do something that we wouldn’t normally do for ourselves, and as much as I wanted to travel this year that didn’t work out either. We took the train from Hamilton New Jersey and ended up at Madison Square Garden before a New York Rangers game ironically enough. The play was great, I have to keep the secrets so I will not tell you much about it. We had lunch at the Hard Rock Café and then coffee in between plays at a coffee shop and it was the perfect day.

Leading up to it, we got to see fantastic beasts part two. And in the end that was okay too. I just think it was one of those setup movies, that just starts to lay out all The groundwork for what is to come. Being a Potter head, I can find a lot of loopholes in the story but it is what it is. At least it was another trip back into the wizarding world.

We were worried about freezing our asses off in New York City so we ran over to Kohl’s and Amber bought me a new winter coat. If you have been reading along since the beginning you’ll know that at 411 pounds five years ago I did not have a winter coat. I would just typically bundle up with hoodies or whatever I could. I also wasn’t very cold back then. Now I am always freezing my ass off. The great thing for both of us is that we bought small jackets. I think she got a women’s small, and I got a men’s large. I could not honestly believe it. But it fits great. And very warm. And although it might be too much information, I am in a size large Hanes Low cut Brief! BOOM. Non scale victories all day. Mother Trucker!

I don’t have much to say about the scale lately. I am struggling when it comes to the scale. Up and down in the same 5 pounds area. Trying very hard to break out of the 270s. I know a lot of it has to do with my root canal and the medicine that I had to take because of my fake right hip. The good news is that I am pushing through. I have tested, and I know that I am in ketosis. I have also checked my body fat and it’s actually going down still. So I am not going to let the scale number get into my head. Ironically that’s the number everybody cares about. “Hey how much we have he lost. Oh my god you look amazing” I guess I looked like a fat slob up until recently. I guess everything falls apart.

I have had a lot of friends reach out lately, and even some people that I barely know asking for help. Or maybe even just pointed in the right direction so they can learn about Keto on their own. I am going to spend some time and redo my website/ blog and add an Area where information will always live. At the same time I will add to it as I go. That is why I kept this going as long as I have. Not only to continue to hold myself accountable but to do my best to help others who need to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I have been going for five years. When you ask if you have to do this forever… the answer is yes… especially if you’ve had a lifetime of bad relationships with food.

If anyone has an extra $700 laying around, I would love to get certified so I could actually know what I am doing. Right now they have a deal with personal training and nutritionist. It would be cool to be legit. And scary as fuck cause anatomy isn’t easy. It would definitely be a challenge.

Listen!

Getting your shit together requires a level of honesty that most people can’t even imagine. Ain’t nothing easy about realizing you’re the one that’s been holding yourself back this whole time. The lack of discipline in the end is the answer to some of those why not me questions that everyone asks themselves. It really took a re-awakening for me to get it. I can’t make others have that same epiphany. (this is powerful stuff and not just regarding diets and gym crap but in life and relationships and your job etc)

I don’t know why but I definitely feel the pressure on the holidays this year. I don’t want anything from anyone. Tried to politely tell my mom to skip Christmas and birthdays and things going forward. Her birthday is a few days before Christmas and Amber’s is a couple days after Christmas. Sometimes I just feel like my parents and I are sending $50 back-and-forth to each other. It’s just silly. I’ll send my mom flowers for her birthday or something. After all she is my mom. I don’t know. I went into the city with some gym peeps, this past weekend and it was a beautiful day and just very crowded. I did get to see the shows at the Comcast Center and Macy’s. Didn’t really look around Christmas village all too much, something tells me I will head back down there again this year. Just Amber and I. It’s definitely fun to people watch. Maybe we will venture a little deeper into town.

I don’t know. I have been working hard and just wish things where at a different place right. I definitely didn’t hit my goals for this month. Glad to still be at over my years goal for sure. I am definitely over 60 pounds lost for 2018. I do believe that I’ll be roughly at 70 by the end of the year. That I am on track to do barely LACK OF DISCIPLINE! (See we all have it sometimes.)

My son Brandon gets married the first week of the January and while his fiancée is claiming to throw an epic evening on social media already, , I am not sure why I feel the stress of it. She has a very large family and inviting people to the wedding was a very difficult task. I would totally love to have some of my crew there. But while I might be a host, that really is in a monetary way more than anything and that is okay. I don’t mind helping the kids and doing the best that I can. I wanted at the very least to have my immediate family with me, one cousin, and for the most part, the band, since I am with them so much.

Without getting into it here too much, my immediate family will be missing a sibling, so far most of the band has not responded, and some people that I really wanted to be there, responded no to my surprise. It should be no shocker to me since many of them didn’t even send the kids a card for the shower or even acknowledge the RSVP. The one thing it will do is bring my already small circle in even tighter. I guess in the end I have to celebrate with the people that chose to be there with my son, and family. I am actually surprised at myself with how grownup I can be with some of the wedding crap that is going on. It’s hard not to take things personally.

My dad always always expects me to be the bigger man. All he ever says is how my brother and sister and I need to be a unit, to be there for each other. That is all he ever asks for, and all he ever wants as a present. The funny thing is that my dad doesn’t speak to all his siblings. Way to lead by example, Pop! After this wedding, I am done being the bigger man. I knew when the invitations went out some of the people including immediate family, who would not be bothered to come. So my dream of that perfect family photo will never come to fruition. I will just have to relish the one that’s almost 20 years old at this time. At least my grandmom is in that one. I always forgive, hoping to gain just a little respect. I am the older brother, I make sure my brother and sister know that I love them throughout the year. I see how my father respects his older sister. I always give those around me the benefit of doubt hoping that they will prove me wrong, but they generally don’t. Breathe.

Everyone keeps asking me about my new job. It’s been over three months, I’m still here, still learning, and working remotely isn’t half as much fun as most people think. Just saying.

I went to the Flyers game on Tuesday night, it was love your melon night. Proceeds from my tickets went to the hockey fights cancer program. The Flyers still suck, and we make shitty teams look amazing. I can’t complain about the company though. I had a good time.

What are some of your favorite holiday traditions? Amber and I seemed to be starving for a few of our own. By all means if you are reading this even anonymously, please comment below. I would love to hear them.

This was long enough. I am gonna get back to work.

Trying not to be a grinch,

Franco

Unanswered Prayers

November 15, 2018 By franco Leave a Comment

Lots of things to touchdown on briefly this week. Please forgive the hodgepodge as we go forward.

Of course another Bigg Romeo wedding in the pouring rain on Friday, I literally thought that I was going to get stuck in the swamps of jersey like Bruce Springsteen sings. Although stressful to set up, the wedding ended up perfect. I had a good time and looked like everyone else did as well. Saturday, Got me into the gym for a rare weekend appearance and then I headed to Ventnor, New Jersey to take photographs. I got to see my cousin Frankie briefly and then headed to Atlantic City to play with the band. Once that show was over most of us went on vacation. This is the first year in a while that I did not have anything planned out of state, well I am going to New York on Saturday. I’m not sure if that counts.

Sunday night I was very restless as early Monday morning we headed to Center City for an appointment with the University of Penn plastic surgery department. It only makes sense that my greatest successes have been PENN related when it comes to my health. The doctor thinks that I can benefit greatly from having skin reduction surgery on my legs. I not only would have some very cool scars down my legs, but also in my groin area. We’ve started the process again with the insurance companies, I know they will deny me at the gate because they always do, so it’s basically bucking down and preparing for a fight. 2 ½ years ago they approved one leg, so let’s see if we can get both approved. I have to be honest with the whole idea scared the living shit out of me. But as far as I have come, there is no reason for me to have pain from the skin on my legs banging down on my body. As much as I like the size 36 jeans, they are more of a medical device than anything else at this point. The doctor was very nice and so was his entire staff. We did not get into too many questions because I could tell that the doctor figures that that is something to do once we do get approval. And I get it. He didn’t say that the operation would take 3 ½ to 4 hours. For the time being, the one thing he did say was that my legs were muscular, and that would help. I am going to continue to push my leg workouts for the next couple months until this all sorts itself out. It also gives me greater mental clarity to do my best to stay on the program. To keep pushing harder.

Last night I did the small pick up gig with Crabby, Baba and Donnie from Fish Out of Water. I got to sing 90% of the night and it was great. One of the nicest things came from my host, who told me that when she comes to see the band she loves it when I sing more than anything. That means a lot to me. Even being the boss sometimes not everything is in my control. Sometimes when I do what’s best for the team, it sucks for me. It was nice to make a couple extra bucks to be able to use this upcoming weekend in New York. I can’t wait to go see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. I am very glad that I bought those tickets for Ambers birthday in the middle of the summer or else I probably would not have been able to pull off something this good at this time. Even with my legit day job now. The lack of gigs on the weekends still has me playing catch up to a lot of things. That’s okay though because I always seem to find a way. Now I am very much looking forward to Playing with my friend Anthony at the end of the month. Maybe these little side jobs or what will keep me happy and motivated musically. They liked what we did so much last night that they are going to hire us for another Company event as well. It’ll be a good way to end the new year.

Just so you know I’ve been hitting the gym hard, I put a new program together for myself and have been working it. Definitely feel a little stronger. I don’t think many people realize that most of my working out is while I am fasting. So I don’t quite understand why people say that they have to eat so much before they workout. I guess everyone is different. I also think that it’s very mental.

Earlier this week I posted a bunch of stuff on Facebook half joking around. There was a lot of comments about unanswered prayers. I think what I posted was something along the lines that sometimes unanswered prayers are the best prayers. The reason I posted that was because there is a Garth Brooks song by that name, and the lyric goes something like, “sometimes I am thank God for unanswered prayers, remember when you’re talking to the man upstairs, just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he don’t care, some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.” And while I can references for a lot of things in my life right now. Think about it. That girl you really wanted years ago, and you see her now and she’s an absolute train wreck. That guy you wanted to be the father of your children, has four of them with three different mothers and is a dead beat to all of them. Not getting approval with the surgeon who had an absolute horrible Office Manner, just might be one as well because I like the surgeon I met with Monday that much more. Unanswered prayers.

So I am down 2 pounds from last week. I was hoping for a bigger swoosh but 2 pounds is fantastic. I am 2 pounds from breaking another goal area. I think even with the holidays coming I should get to roughly 70 to 75 pounds lost in 2018. Today I am sitting in about 63 pounds. If I’m going to have surgery early in the New Year’s then I need to get down as low as I possibly can to get maximum benefits of the surgery as well as to just be fucking healthy.

Guess what also happened over the last couple weeks that I forgot to mention, I went from morbidly obese to just plain old every day McDonald’s French fry eating, Dunkin’ Donuts drinking obese. I’m pretty sure I am only three or four BMI points away from just being every day Wawa overweight. I absolutely can’t wait to be overweight. Fuck the world.

I hope that this finds everybody well. I will probably disappear for a week or two to enjoy Thanksgiving. But I promise I’ll be back soon thereafter with a new blog. As always you can keep up with my day to day fun on IG, Snap (@egophilly) and Twitter.

As I juggle my work emails and writing today, I’m sitting in my living room covered in dog, and life is good.

This Thanksgiving I am thankful to wake up every morning. I have a great family and support system and even the question marks in my life always find a way of working themselves out. It might not always be easy. Who I kidding it’s never easy. But we will push forward.

Keep the faith,

Franco

Paper Rain

November 9, 2018 By franco 5 Comments

In 1997ish…. I had heard about a doctor on street road that was helping people lose weight. Of course I was over 500lbs at the time and had nothing to lose. I went to see him and I wish I knew then what I knew then….

Basically he gave you some water pills, and a bunch of shakes that you had to of course buy from him. I am almost positive that those shakes ended up becoming the medi-fast program. And for the most part is a Dr. supervised weight loss program. Like most diets I lost 30 or so pounds in a month or two back then that wasn’t anything all that drastic for me anyway. And of course put that and then sign back on. There is nothing worse than having to drink three powdery shakes throughout the day. But that really just sets the tone of my actual story today.

Before any of this even happened I had to get weighed And none of the doctors scales went up as high as they need it to. The only thing the doctor could think of was going to St. Mary’s and stepping on the platform there that weights linens when they come in and out of the hospital. If you have ever been embarrassed about anything in your life, times that by 50 At the very least. That’s how how I felt as the tears came down my face. Amber and I were just friends then, but she was working at CDnow with Crabby and I and she went over there with me. I didn’t realize when the doctor told me to go to the loading dock that the dock was the scale. I needed a whole dock to weigh me. That diet failed of course.

20 years later I went into the doctors office this week and for the first time in, I dunno, forever when she said “I must get your weight” in her thick russian accent, i jumped up there like a proud peacock. I didn’t even take my jacket, wallet, watch and anything else on me off cause I knew that it was going to be much better than last March when I was in there. It was 53lbs less then my last visit in March. And it was 275lbs less then when I went to see Dr. Drink These Shakes.

I have learned a lot since then. I like food. You need to eat food to lose weight. You need to exercise and move. You need to eat less calories than you put in your mouth. No matter what you eat if you put your body in a calorie deficit you will lose weight. You don’t have to gym. It’s not for everyone. But then you have to do all the work in the kitchen then and it gets harder. I dunno. What do I know. I have had two friends this week ask me for help though and all I can do is lead them to the knowledge. I can’t cook for them. I can’t go to the gym for them. I can only help lead them to the facts and even then what works for me now, might now work for everyone. THERE ARE NO CHEAT DAYS. Not really. Not to get to a goal for sure. Ahhhhh. Anyway. The goal is really the journey cause in the end there is no real destination.

The doctors appointment went great. Still trying to get my blood work results. (Edit: dr just called. think he’s amazed. Lipids. Sugar. All perfect)

This past Friday Night I got to hang out with lots of good friends, listen to some great music and drive my friend Scott’s Ford Explorer. I miss being that high off he ground when driving. Saturday we went to Kelly’s birthday dinner and then went to see the Hooters on concert. They were great. Crowd was a little freaky. OLDER and I felt like I was in a baptist church and everyone around me was having religious experience. Sunday we went to AC for Rock of Ages and it was AWESOME! I loved it.

I feel a struggle out there on the inter webs. It might just be the day light savings time change. It makes people funky for sure.

But no matter what there is hope. Needing help doesn’t make you weak. You are strong when you ask for it. Help is out there. We all need help You are not alone.

In 1998 I was 550lbs
In 2002 I was 290lbs
In 2014 I was 412lbs
In the last 5 years I am down 138lbs
I am down 61lbs in 2018
I am down 2lbs since last week
But who is keeping track?

I haven’t shared these numbers in a long, long time. But they are as real as this photo of Amber and I in 1999.

Make fun of my skinny jeans all you want. there are more reasons that I have them on then vanity. truth is my legs hurt. The loose skin is unbareable some days. After my 5K in September I couldn’t walk for 3 or 4 days because of the pounding of the loose skin on my knees and legs.
I am going to meet with a specialist in the city on Monday AM to see what they say and if we can do anything.

When I tried two years ago I was 60 – 70 pounds heavier. The doctor I went to see really didn’t even want to be bothered with me. I ended up getting denied from the insurance company. I fought it twice. They approved one leg, not two. I went to one more appointment and that doctor in Doylestown told me that 100 lbs that I lost was admirable, but come see him when I lost another 50. So I am down 160. Let’s see if this doctor who deals with a lot of weight loss patients will have the skills to get me approved. That’s the start. If I get approved I will probably shit my pants cause I would be really scared. But I have to at least get the information if nothing else.

My body is going up and down and that’s okay. I know the plan. I know the journey. I keep pushing.

I hit the gym this morning. Did cardio and after a sloppy set or two of leg extensions, I just left.

Too much on my mind. Too many things to put in order.

I hope you had a great week. Great upcoming weekend and keep on pushing forward.

Franco

Stay with Me, My Blood.

November 1, 2018 By franco 1 Comment

When everyone
you thought you knew
Deserts your fight,
I’ll go with you..

It’s been a long couple weeks
and I have been fighting.
Fighting the scale.
Fighting the mirror.
Fighting the voices.
Fighting the people who doubt me.
Fighting the people who think they are better.
Fighting the people who don’t believe in me.

A week ago I had hit my goal for October. I made a photo. Started writing a blog, and then all of a sudden without cheating, without slowing down or skipping gym days, the weight just kept coming back…. Almost 10 pounds….FUCK! I hit a funk. No blog. No check in. It kept coming back on. I was getting nervous. I didn’t know what the hell was going on. I have skinny jeans now. Size 38. Probably not too far off from your husbands. Normal people sizes. Not giants… I dunno. Was it my flu shot? Was it the fact that I was getting sick? I dunno. I hit the weekend and just needed a break. And for the most part I took one. We went bowling for Brandon’s bachelor party. Chicken fingers…. Mac and cheese bites… and a drink menu that a few of the guys decided to try and drink. ALL SUGAR. Chances are that day that I went all in I had more carbs in one night then I had all month long. I did my best not to freak but I was starting to freak. But that night I kept telling myself… You are in your sons large thermal that he told you to wear. Things are good, chill the fuck out.

The next morning I went to breakfast. I was in my head. Country fried steak, sunny side up eggs, home fries and toast. I didn’t finish it all but I felt human. Later that night… TWENTY ONE PILOTS! I was sooooo happy. Met some of my closest friends/family. Drinks. Music and Amber and I split wings and a slice of Pizza. I was taping “My Blood” because my friend Emily asked me to and it hit me. That I have to push forward. I have to re-commit.

I know that weight loss isn’t linear. I have learned the hard way over these years. There is a reason that EVERY WEIGHT LOSS DIET WORKS (initially) – Advocare, ItWorks, Nutrisystem, Herballife, Low Fat, High-protein you name it. WHY? Because you take in lower calories, you burn more. You also drink water till you pee your brains out and you lose 10 pounds of water in a week to 21 days. So that 10 pounds of water even doing a keto diet comes off of EVERYONE! That 10 pounds can also come back right away.

But today I pulled myself out of the bed. I got in the lions den and got on the scale. How did my October end. Did I hit 60lbs lost in 2018? NO. I did not. I lost 7 pounds in October. Safely. Healthily.

In 2018 I have lost 57lbs. I am down a total 134 total. I am down 34 since July 4th totally on Keto. So I will drink the tears of my haters. I will be the unicorn that I know I am and keep dancing because no one, nothing can stop me. I am a glutton for punishment.

I have had a good couple weeks. I can’t believe that all the hoodies and stuff I have bought for this winter are a large. I can’t remember ever wearing a large in anything.

People have come and gone. Goals have changed. When you make the decision to not be used, manipulated and stressed out. Life just gets better. It’s a good feeling to have already crushed all the things I wanted to do in 2018 except for a little bit of traveling.. And I’ll make up for it in 2019.

Right now my youngest graduates the police academy in December. My oldest gets married in January.

Life is good!

I’ll go with you,

Franco