January 2017 – So Uncomfortably Numb

Soo it’s been a few weeks since I gave my 3 year recap. My weight really hasn’t changed and I am full of stress and erratic sleep. My workouts are so/so and im just a big blob of blah….. I seem to hold on writing because I want to have something good to tell everyone an try to stay positive and it just never fails. I haven’t been able to catch a break I guess.

Last week I went to a company in Chester on a job interview. Suited up. Looking sharp. You know I wanted the job because I took my earrings out. I NEVER do that. I was nervous. I just need someone to give me a chance. It’s been 10 days and nothing. I wrote the HR girl a thank you later that night, she responded that she’d be in touch, and haven’t heard back although I sent another note this morning. My friend Amy who gve me the lead has been silent as well so I guess it’s just a matter of time I get the thank you but no thank you. And while driving to Chester everyday would be trying to say the least with 95 sucking, it would get me fully back in the game.

I need a challenge. I need a change.

And the hits keep on coming too.

So I a not sure that I wrote about this anywhere so if I did forgive me, I’ll be breif. I fought the insurance company for a year and after 3 appeals they approved 1 leg. The most fucked up, ass backwards approval ever. They said that my right leg is worse then my left so they aproved one. My doctor won’t do just one. So AETNA has to know that and since the other one would cost me about four grand to have done, I guess they figured I would back down… and I almost did at that point… I went back to the dotor I was usuing and he seemed to think it would not be a problem now to talk AETNA and get a better solution after we talked more about ain etc. WRONG. Once he passed me over to his staff they basically put it back in my court to talk to AETNA. So I decide to make an appointment somewhere else. Surely… going there with these approvals and this information would help a doctor who not only wanted to make a buck but help me feel better and make even more pain free progress, fight AETNA for me…. WRONG.

This doctor put me in a gown, lifted my legs and thighs a little and told me to sit down. Basically told me to lose another 60 pounds and then come back. That while he was happy I lost 90 pounds and GO FRANCO! GOOD FOR YOU! He did not want to do my surgery. He said my BMI was too high and that I probably wouldn’t like the work when it was done but HEY come back if I can lose 60 pounds and we’ll see where we are.

So now what? Yes. I am in a funk. Yes. I am overwhelmed.

But I do need to rally. I do need to get angry really and push forward. It’s not so much about the operation itself.. It’s about being told no. It’s about being told, sorry your BMI is too high and I don’t want to operate on you. It’s being told in one way or another that you are not good enough or qualified for a job. It’s a sucky feeling. The more it’s told to you, the more you start to believe it. And that has to stop. I feel beaten down and unless you’ve been here, you will never know. It took a lot for me to go to the job interview. It took a lot to silence the voices in my head that were already telling me that I can’ t. It takes so much out of you fill out applications over and over again to never get a phone call. To just feel like you are not good enough, that you can’t compete.

So I guess it’s time to shove 60 pounds down the doctors throat and then use a different doctor.

Feelings are gonna come and go and I have to stop lashing out cause I can feel it and it’s not fair to everyone… I control my feelings as best that I can but it’s taking everything in my power not to eat them.

As I was typing this I got a motivational quote texted to me. I get one everyday.

“This path might not be the right one, but rest assured it will lead you to the one that is.”

Thank you for reading.

Keeping the faith –

Franco
P.S. – Kingsize Direct sent me $50 gift card and wanted to know where I’ve been for the past 2 years since I haven’t ordered from them. HA!

It doesn’t matter where you come from,
It matters where you go
No-one gets remembered
For the things they didn’t do – FTHC

There years ago on this very morning I woke up and went to Franklin Mills and walked. I started counting my calories with the Lose-it app and the rest is kind history and why this blog is here.

You should take a moment and read that blog if you haven’t or you are new. You can access it here. That was day one.

If you want to read the build up you can find that here.

But if this is your first time here then let me tell you as fast as possible what’s been going on for the last 3 years.

Well after my weigh in this morning… I’ve lost 90 pounds over the last three years and KEPT IT OFF! It’s not as much as I’ve wanted to lose but it is overwhelming when you look at the number and most importantly the phrase… AND KEPT IT OFF… because for me that’s always been the hardest part…

Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.

I hit a road block this past summer and had a little too much fun and celebrated the bands 20th anniversary in October, uncomfortable and almost 40 pounds heavier than I was the year before. It’s taken me a little while but 20 of those pounds are gone since late October and I had the most successful fat busting holiday season to date, including a trip to Disney to see my family.

But that’s going to happen. I guess it’s really all about how you handle it and how you pick yourself up after it happens. There is still a lot of support at home and in the kitchen and honestly a lot of times what’s the most important.

I have friends who ask me all the time, how DID you do it? How DO you do it? Well it’s 80% all done in the kitchen and the rest doesn’t have to be done like a maniac at the gym.. you just have to get off the couch and move. Do something that you don’t normally do.

I spend a lot of money in classes and workouts. That’s okay for me because I do well in those situations. I like the community of it. It’s also okay that while everyone tries to add up my spending in their heads, (not sure why…) they really don’t see the money I save not going to Wawa 3 times a day. So robbed Peter to pay Paul and hopefully extend my life a little.

90% of success is waking up every day with a little hope and motivation in your heart.

So I want to end this today talking about two areas. Some stand out non-scale victories over the past three years and what the plan is going forward for me and a few goals sprinkled in.

Non Scale Victories

I went from a size 60 to a 42 jean.
I went from a 4 and 5XL shirt to an XL/XXL – All my shirts always seem to shrink and with a lot of arm raising movements on stage and in the gym I am leaning on the XXL just to cover my shit up.
As silly as it is, my briefs went from a 3xl tight as fuck to a XL.
I fit on a normal plane seat.
I fit in a normal doctors office chair with arms.
I went to visit my parents in NC, I went to Universal and fit on every ride I wanted to go on.. I went to Disney and rode roller coasters like a champion.
I’ve gone to sporting events, concerts, Springsteen, Ryan Adams, Counting Crows… not living in fear on purchasing tickets. Seats suck sometimes for leg room but my ass is fitting in those damn seats!
I can fit in a normal movie chair although I love the recliners more!
The wave runner gets a lot more air now on the ocean.
I did my first 5K and finished in under an hour.

The plan for 2017

I am going to continue to cut the bullshit from my life. If it doesn’t make me happy then I am not going to do it, take part or associate with. And this will be the biggest hurdle to cross off the life for 2018.
I am going to do a year of flexible dieting. If you want to learn more about it, you can click here. I have made great progress and haven’t wanted to kill anymore. And I am going to give it a solid year to see what happens and where it goes. It’s much easier to follow and I don’t feel deprived. It’s helps to be accountable to yourself. In the end that’s all that really matters.
I am going to create a fun workout regime for me that includes Orange Theory Fitness, Kickboxing, some boot camps and planet fitness isolating body parts with the boss.
Finish my 12 week Labada Lean Body program and then find another one to do. (I am only at the end of week one but like it.)
I am going to take care of a couple medical things that I have to take care for my mental and physical well being. I always worry about everyone else but if the time and opportunity comes, then I will take a leave of absence from the band and take care of business. It will only be a good thing for everyone in the end.
I am going to be kind more often. I am going to love myself and those around me more.
Inspire and help whoever needs it.
I am going to read more!

So I think I have it all covered. I am sorry I’ve been quiet since the holidays. I was just afraid to get on the scale and the only damage really done was 1 pound. Pretty amazing to say the least. It could have been the 51 miles we walked in Florida being Disney Nerds.

I want to take a moment to thank everyone who has read my blogs, kept up with my social media and offered a king word, advice, either as a vocal or silent member of Team Franco. Holding myself accountable here I think has really made a difference in my journey.

To everyone who rolled their eyes at me when I started this thank you as well! I hope you are happy in life too. I am still here.

If I did it, you can too!

We can get better… cause we’re not dead yet!

#into17

Franco

Archives for January 2017

Don’t try this at home

One Foot Before the Other