Archives for December 2016

I wanna be normal

December 16, 2016 By franco Leave a Comment

I want to be normal.
I want to be able to get on an airplane without fear.
I want to be able to get on an airplane without having someone come make me buy 2 tickets.
I want to go to Disney and not worry about fitting in an amusement seat and not finding out till the last minute and wanting to cry.
I want to do all the things I meant to do.
I want to be normal.

I was bumming Tuesday. I got up went to my workout… ate my post workout snack in the car on the way to the next workout and while sitting in the parking lot decided that I didn’t want to go in. I just flat out went home. I put on my PJ’s and never left the house again. I have lost and gained A LOT of weight over the years. I just hurt. My legs have so much loose and misplaced fat and skin that I want to cry every time I think about having to measure it for my spread sheet. I’ve fought the insurance companies for over a year to have some of the skin removed because it hurts my legs hanging there. I thought I hated myself at 411lbs and not sure I liked myself any more or less at 311. I felt like I accomplished something but let me tell you when you get that 100lbs off that the pressure that you put on yourself and the re-arranged goals don’t stop. I am still here trying to take off the 25 pounds I put on over time again and still want to take more off.

You can’t do this for anyone else. You can only do this for yourself. Guess what. Maybe I just needed a day in my Pjs. The scale moved. I didn’t hit my macros perfectly but I didn’t go over them either. I just took a day.

Wednesday, I woke up, weighed myself, … and told myself one thing…. You deserve to be happy. Let yourself be happy. There is a size 42 pair of jeans in your drawer and DAMN boy they make you feel good when you have them on and it’s been awhile so let’s do the work at the gym and in the kitchen… and let’s just feel good!

Thursday came and I went to OTF, went to kick boxing, ran errands, fell off the macro bus and went to see Rogue One with a bag of pop corn and cherry coke. Was I normal again? I don’t know. I didn’t weight myself this morning but I did feel like crap. So for the next two days I will make sure I hit my macros because I am looking at a full week off for Disney and Christmas and as much as I would love to be 311 again by January 3rd. I know better than to tack on that pressure. I’ll make smart choices. Not go crazy and I can get back to a strict program come January 2nd. I am going to focus on my gym and body parts again in the New Year! There is a 12 week lifting program that I downloaded for my phone. That I want to follow. So we’ll see what happens

So I am down almost 20 pounds since November 7th. 18.5 if you want to get technical. A few inches have come off my hips and thighs and I am moving forward. I am going to have a good time in Disney and Xmas Eve and then will buckle it back down on Christmas Day since I don’t do much. I will probably resume workouts and get ready for a 12 week lifting routine come January 2nd. Time to build a beach body and no I will not sell no one anything.

Things that a lot of people do without thinking, are things that I crave. I have never blended. And I probably never will. Why be normal?

I will check in before the New Year! You can follow my twitter and Instagram for more updates.

I hope everyone has an awesome Christmas and Holiday.
Be good until then,

Franco

Roll Me Out

December 9, 2016 By franco Leave a Comment

It’s Friday here in Bucks County Pennsylvania and it’s been want doozy of a week here. I am pretty sure that back in June I wrote about a little 8 year boy who was fighting brain cancer. The band played a benefit for him and ever since not only has he been on my mind but I have been wearing his pray for Dominic and team Dominic wristbands. The band sent a bunch of Lego stuff that was on his Amazon WishList right before Thanksgiving right and he probably never got to play with them, because on Wednesday he passed. Crushed! The most amazing thing that came out of everything was that all the little boy he wanted was for people to pray for him. It definitely brought the community together and it is quite a sight to see. He definitely made a difference in me.

Our New Year’s Eve show canceled on us and so many little things that would usually just trigger a binge for me were fought and push back on. Even going out to dinner I preplanned what I was going to eat and at the same time, drank water and let myself have a little bit extra that bread and oil. I have been frustrated and angry all week, the somethings you can’t control no matter how hard you try. It is whatever. Truth!

So let me push forward and talk about some positives. I am starting to get excited about going to Florida. It makes me smile to think that I’ll get to see my nieces and sister and get to see Disney through their eyes. They know anything and everything about the place. That makes me happy for sure.

Christmas is always a little rough at my place though it has gotten better. I will probably still work out on Christmas, just like last year. It was a fun memory.

The window is decorated. Blow ups all over the place the tree is up, needs to be finished cause Pirlo the puppy really likes to chew on tree branches. So we are doing what we can before Florida to come back to a nice set up!

I started really pushing myself again on November 7^th and on December 7^th – One month into new/recommitted goals… I am down 15 pounds. Not to shabby. 341.7 down to 326.7 – Sometimes I think it should be more and have to tell myself that it’s much easier to put it on then it is to take off. So let’s just go for another 15 this month. That will bring me back to a very good and happy place for sure. Then from there we’ll figure it out again.

I have been hitting the workouts hard and most of this week kept my macros at 1600 calories. I can’t keep them there forever but it did get my scale to move in the right direction cause Monday’s weigh-in was scary and I had to re-adjust and re-evaluate. You can read more about the way I am eating and macros by googling IIFYM – it will come right up! It’s working for me but it takes a lot of effort and consideration. I will do my best to get to the next goal.

I went to the plastic surgeon today too. I wrote about getting approval for my right leg/thigh tuck not too long ago. The insurance company only approved 1 leg – FUCKED UP! Here is this leg that looks kinda okay.. and here is the other one that looks like the bat Fred Flinstone always carried around. Yeah. Thanks Aetna. Well he seemed like he could get it done for me so now we’ll be in a waiting pattern to see what they say! Just makes me wanna work that much harder because it will all happen soon enough.

This site will be 3 years old in a few weeks. I thought for sure I’d be further along but life happens. I am still here though. Still pushing. Still trying my best!

Lets see what January 6^th will bring!

Have a great weekend!

Franco

Somebody Else

December 1, 2016 By franco 1 Comment

I was going to do a video blog this week but I dunno. I would just ramble anyway so here I am again trying to put my thoughts to the paper. So I guess here it goes.

I have been sticking to my workouts. Trying to squeeze in more and more of them. Trying my best not to give in to the voices that want me to stop when I am at them and getting my macros in. I was so mental about food on Thanksgiving that I didn’t eat enough followed by another day or two that I didn’t eat enough. And of course when you are counting macros, you need to eat what you have to eat, otherwise the who macros for weight loss shuts down. What kinda fucking mind fuck is that huh? How do you tell a fat guy that if he’s not hungry he has to eat any way. Talk about rewiring the way that you have been thinking all your life huh.

I have been about the same this week then the last blog. The scale went up a little after the holidays from bloat and not eating enough and finally plunged a little this morning. This isn’t an easy way to eat for sure. It’s not for everyone. Sometimes I think just counting calories would be easier. But since when do I do anything easy. Right now I am on a 2000 calorie diet. I have to take in 175 grams of protein, 190 grams of carbs, 60 grams of fat and still try and get about 40 grams of fiber in too. Add that all up and hello 2000 calories. Please take the 1500 I try to burn every day directly off my ass if you can and thank you.

I am on track. I have hit them the last few nights. I have been drinking a gallon of water a day for over the last 3 weeks. I am working the god damn program. I really hope that it doesn’t let me down because I am really trying hard not to let myself down. And I am sorry for all the cursing sister. I know you read this off and on. I’ll try and not be so NE Philly. I mean I did move to the burbs and all. It is the Christmas season and all. I don’t want Santa to forget me.

I finally finished my right tattoo’d sleeve. This one was a doozy and something that makes me very happy. The top is Philadelphia how it looked in the 90’s. It’s the original Bigg Romeo logo and was done by my best friend Al. So now I have art from Al on me! He’s so damn created and this makes me happy. Everything on my arm is music related and while I know how it fits in some people need a little help. So the arrowed circle is the logo of a band Rise Against. The first and heart means to fight for what you love. I has a boxing glove made instead of a first…. with the banner underneath that says Forza… Fight… Strength.. In Italian. There is a song I loved called Forza Campione. The plus and minue we added in there take on many meanings but is a shout out to a current and newer favorite of mine, Frank Turner. His LP “positive songs for negative people’ is all time favorite for me. So tht finished my arm off. What a long road. But I owe myself a weight loss goal so I have to keep working on things.

So.

I am not perfect. I post motivational quotes, songs, most of the time they are because I need the affirmation myself. I need that little voice to click inside my head to be better, be nicer, be kinder, give more shits, don’t judge, don’t hate. I need to be good to others and others need to be good to each other too. I don’t ever profess to be anywhere near perfect, The only think I can promise is to try harder. I want to be better. I want to get better. I don’t want to be anything other than me!

I hope going to Disney at Christmas time might give me a little Christmas spirit – being with my nieces should help for sure. I need a little Christmas.

I hope this finds you well I am going to sign off here. Let December creep in and take a deep breath. See you soon

Franco