Archives for February 2016

No Regrets, Baby, No Surrender!

February 25, 2016 By franco 1 Comment

It took me a long time to realize that there is no quick fix to the weight-loss battle. Even weight-loss surgery is nowhere near a quick and easy fix to being overweight. Everyone thinks that those people take the easy way out but they do not have any idea what that does to your life and your body. If you don’t change your mind – the surgery will not change you either.

Sometimes rock-bottom comes at you in different ways. I’ve had friends recently asked me to talk to family members about weight loss. These are people with significant weight to lose who really need to save their lives. Unfortunately everyone has their own rock bottom and it’s very hard to convince someone to give up things that they love or help them fight the fears that they have in their heads when they are not ready.

Four score and seven years ago I would be walking around the mall with Amber and people would come up to me and hand me herbal life cards. There wasn’t the Internet like there is now so I could walk through the mall and get handed a few “let me help you save your life/lose weight” business cards. Half the time the people handing me the cards or no smaller than I was. It really made me scratch my head. Also broke my heart. Who gave the stranger permission to walk up to me to talk about my weight? Who the fuck did they think they were to infer anything about my weight? But there they were trying to make a sale. That hasn’t really changed 15 years later. The tactics may have, but not the game.

I got a few messages from an Internet friend a few days ago asking me to check out her latest venture. I would do great with it, then I saw her matching it to my other friends as well. I don’t really know this girl. We have many mutual friends. She’s always been very nice to me and my mission. Didn’t she see how hard I’ve have been working? Does she really think that something I can put my water is going to help me lose more weight than all the hard work that I am doing? Or am I just another sale? I get solicited from all the main multi level marketing Businesses out there. Advocare, herbal life, Nexium, Rodan and Fields – I know that I am also peddling the band and the photography studio so I try not to get angry about people’s posts etc. but it really does make me shake my head when I get direct messaged about that kind of stuff.

I wrote her back very nicely and said that I really wasn’t interested in anything that wasn’t part of my meal plan at this time. I am not comfortable selling something that I don’t know what is inside it, nor do I know what it will do to my body in 10 years. I worked my ass off to lose over 100 pounds in the last two years, I am not about to sell anyone a quick fix. There are no quick fixes. 3/4 of the people I know that were selling Advocare 16 months ago are no longer.

I cried quite a few times in the late 90s and really didn’t like going to the mall knowing that the herbal life Zombies would be coming for me. As much as I like to shop, I really hated going out of the house at that time of my life, walking was difficult to begin with.

Now on Facebook and Instagram they come after me as well and the game has completely changed. I just want to see pictures of your babies, puppies, transformation Tuesday pictures and not be reminded about my weight, need to lose more, or the fact that I have not hit my second goal yet. Bring on the puppies. I don’t want to try your tea, your cleanse or Shakeology although the beach body tapes are pretty awesome and brutal workouts.

I have not had the greatest self-control over the last two weeks. Today’s weigh in was 308 pounds. Although lately I feel very strong, I should really be a lot stronger. My self-control is in the toilet. I was very bummed out last week which is why I did not blog. I’m having a hard time not making bad decisions right now. I feel like I have an insatiable appetite and just want to eat everything that is in front of me. I hope that this too shall pass.

I would really like to get into a set structure, with training more than anything. I think then I will be able to adjust my evening to basically fuel the fire to burn the fat. But I am here, and I am telling you all this, because I am not afraid. I know what is ahead of me, I sure as hell know what is behind me. And I only want to get better. I want more definition and I want to drop 25 more pounds. That’s it. I don’t expect to be 200 pounds ever. I am okay with being 275-280.

I have been on the phone fighting with Aetna a few times this week. They didn’t approve my leg lift and tuck so I have to fight them and get an appeal denial before Amber’s work can try and fight it as well. They have advocates that help you. My legs look worse now they they ever did but even more important than that… they actually hurt. The skin banging into my knees and body, hurt. That’s actually a good angle in the photograph on the left. It’s a lot worse head on and you can see where the skin hits the legs. So the “Official” appeal is in and we’ll see what they say. Not really too excited about surgery but something has to be done.

Ugh

So I am not going to wait till Monday to start getting my shit together. I already started. I went to OTF this morning and busted put almost 1000 calories burned and then went to bootcamp for a noon strongman medley. So I am back. I just have to watch what I am putting in my mouth. Nothing changes I guess.

So there you have it. It’s not always “read me – look how much weight I lost this week”. Sometimes it’s a real struggle. It’s real life. It is what it is. We will be lions and contiunue to push forward. You can’t have a team with shirts and not lead the pack. So it’s time to pull my head out of my ass. Stop feeling sorry for myself and make the best of things.

Thanks for reading.

Franco

I’m Not Okay (I Promise)

February 11, 2016 By franco 2 Comments

Well I can’t believe that I am writing this morning because it’s been quiet and I am not sure at this point if many people are reading… Maybe I got to the 100lb goal and interest fainted. A part of me wants to just stop. But a part of me wants to be there to inspire, be accountable, and keep dreaming. So here I am. If for no one else but for me. I might try to play the victim but I honestly don’t play that part very well because I am much stronger than that.

This was my birthday week and to be honest it was met with a lot of indifference. It came with a lot of things that I felt inside myself that I didn’t like. When I was 25 I was in a horrific car accident that almost killed me. At that age your indestructible until you spend almost a year in rehab, hospitals, learning to walk again and having your grandma empty your bed pan for you. That limited liability auto policy quickly becomes full tort and full everything when you realize that you are not Superman and that your body can turn against you. I beat that and although it helped with my body taking on even more weight it shaped me into the person that I became.

It also showed me my mortality for the first time. It taught me to be scared of things that I wasn’t before. And while everyone else was crying over David Bowie and Lemmy I was scratching my head because that man had billions of dollars and he still died of cancer. Nothing could save him when cancer called. He was 69. I am 45 now. I am not ready to go anywhere. I might have been when I was 25. I might have wanted to die in that hospital bed for the first few months while I lied there in pain. But I don’t anymore. Even then when I wanted to die in my sleep more than anything.. I still hoped the weekend would come faster so my dad would bring my little brother to see me. They would drive from Virginia every Friday night. Even when my dad was tired, My brother would make him come to me. My brother liked me then. I am not sure why but the recent deaths in music and realizing no matter how good of care that you receive that you can’t fight certain evils really scared me. I never really cared about my age before. For some reason this year it had hit me.

We went to the FOP for dinner on my night off Friday past. What started as a few couples, ended up being a lot of people. And that was nice. I think my favorite part was shoving as many people as we could in the photo booth there.

Saturday night the band played a beer and beer type event for the Bridesburg Boy’s club and it’s funny that my friends who grew up there didn’t come but I had a few brides and grooms and friends surprise us by getting tickets to see us. The load in kinda sucked but it was a lot of fun. So many nice people and I was really surprised that together we sold the event out and then some. Next year I am going to be even more active with them and get it sold out before the night of. It was a really good deal. The band sounded great and it was fun.

Sunday I had three shoots and then did a little Superbowl Sunday damage. My birthday hit on Monday. The funk continued. My Facebook blew up with well wishes. Pope Francis said to be kind to each other for lent and drink and eat whatever the hell you want. I knew I liked that guy. So I’ll try to be kinder to those around me and ultimately myself too. Got 100 bucks for Nike and a few bottles of booze for my Birthday from friends. My parents sent me $50 bucks. It’s weird to be 45 years old and cash a birthday check from your mommy. Shit. I cashed that check don’t you worry none. Mom said to get myself something. Just like my grandma used to say. Treat yourself to something. I will mom! Mom is always right.

I spent my birthday at the gym for 2 work outs with a photo shoot in the middle of it all for a break. I weighed 303.5. Not too bad after a birthday dinner, weekend and Superbowl party.

Today, I was under 300lbs again and the first time for a weigh in/blog day for awhile. 299.3 lbs. That’s under 300 and I’ll take it. I know I’ve posted something similar before. But this is a photo from last night at the gym. I am carrying a 100lb sand bag. That sandbag is pretty much everything that I fought so hard to lose. I have no idea how I carried that around. And honestly, in 1999 I was carrying around 2.5 of those on this body. What the fuck was I doing? Was I in pain? Did I really want to die? Did I not love myself enough to save myself? Why did I let this happen to myself? I guess you really can’t live your life like that. And while I question it, the answers need to be fuel to keep moving forward. That was a different place, that was a different me. I won’t back down to the voices, temptation and old Franco anymore.

So it’s my 40th year, It’s the bands 20th year. It’s the year that I will get my body to 275lbs. I will cross more things off my bucket list. I will hopefully find a job that I love. And in the end love myself.

So the goal for next week is 2lbs. I want to up my cardio to 3x a week at least and see what happens. There is Sam’s Wildwood pizza in my future so wish me luck.

I hope everyone has a great week. Thank you for reading.

Franco

Now I just need a job to pack lunchs for

Got to see my fraternity brother Tom for a few minutes.

My gym buddy erica’s caterting company rocks

Mine weighs more than hers. Just saying.

Nobody Likes You When Your 23

February 4, 2016 By franco Leave a Comment

I have basically been an evil person for the past two weeks. I don’t really know what it is. Although I know I am too hard on myself. I’ve been withdrawn, depressed and feel like a dark cloud of doom is following me around. I knew when I started Flexible dieting that it was a long process and not a quick weight loss fix. That it was something that I wouldn’t totally hate and a program that I could work long term. For those of you who are reading that are scratching their heads and wondering what the hell I am talking about…

Flexible Dieting (Or commonly known as If It Fits Your Macros) is simply the tracking of macronutrients (protein, carbohydrate and fat) to achieve a body composition goal. I am on what is considered a “Cut” or weight loss.

So I didn’t expect massive results over night. I set realistic goals. I just think my body hates me. If you look at my weight ins. I was 298 on Thursday… then we started going back up again and Monday morning woke up almost 307. I worked my ass off to get to the 300 I weighed in this morning. My body is just a freaking yo-yo anymore. I guess I should just count my non-scale victories this week. I went to see Bruce Springsteen on Sunday in Newark NJ and fit in the damn seat! BOOM! No anxiety. No stress.

I have check my body fat % to check my macros and when I started at the beginning of January, I was a little over 30% and today when I checked I was at 27 or so. So I guess that’s not bad. I am building muscle. I am still 15 pounds from my Operation 30 goal but I am not willing to cut my calories too much. I want this to last all summer, not be a quick fix or a gimmick. So I’ll take that little victory as well.

I have been writing about looking for a new job and about my interview a few weeks ago. I finally heard back from them on Friday afternoon and I was pretty much a thanks but no thanks. It really hit me hard. I had a hard time fighting the tears back all weekend. I just felt unwanted more than anything. I have been on a bunch of interviews, I think I have amazing people skills. I just need someone to give me a chance. It was such an empty and lonely place for me to go. I felt trapped in my own head. And I felt evil. What is wrong with me? Why doesn’t anyone want me? I have weaved in and out of that feeling ever since. I guess my birthday coming doesn’t make me feel much better.

Yup. I’ll be 45 years old come Monday. 45. Are we out of the woods yet? Have I saved myself yet? I am not sure what I expect and I feel bad that I’m just a prick. I can hear it in my voice. My movements. My heart breaks. I don’t want to be like this. The monsters are more than trees I guess.

So I joined Planet Fitness on Monday. I haven’t been there since but I think I am going program myself out to at least get 25-30 minutes of cardio everyday. Some light body movements and then whatever I add from Campos and OTF. I have to reignite the fat burning machine. I can’t seem to find work. So all I have is time. I might as well make it mine.

So come Monday raise a glass for me. I am in the best shape of my life. 45 years old. It’s time to start living.

Thanks for reading!

Franco