Sitting in a doctors office this week, I sat in the chair playing with my phone. I am addicted to Simpson’s Tapped Out. Freaking game. I looked up for a second and saw something that only a few months ago would have given me a small panic attack. I am not kidding honestly. Chairs with side arms were something that almost brought me to tears. These things haunted me in my weight gain. Movie theater seats. Reception hall seats. Airplane seats. Concert hall seats. All have a slim ass line. All are usually no more than 38 inches wide or so. All kept me from fitting. All gave me anxiety. All made me cry more than once. You might not think much about chairs. I do. Chairs. They are everywhere. You can walk into a job interview feeling so confident and see a chair that you can’t really fit in and you are sitting on the edge of it… and it will throw you off your game. It’s heartbreaking. It keeps your from buying hockey tickets… concert tickets. airplane tickets. It makes you isolated. Unless you lived it, you can’t understand this one. A simple chair.
The fact that I was sitting across from this chair, in a chair just like it brought things full circle once again for me. I fit again. The switch went off.
For easier reading purposes OTF means Orange Theory Fitness and DCBC is Dan Campos Boot Camp. Okay? Good.
This week I made it to bootcamp on 4 times since last Thursday and OTF 4 times. My workouts have been on point. My eating, not so much. I think I have to start meal prepping and sticking to it but honestly. That sucks. I see people doing and I want to do it. But after one or two meals of the same crap I want to kill myself. So I might only be prepping a day or two out.
I didn’t lose anything this week. Gained about 1/2 a pound and that sucks because on Friday last week I had lost 2.5 pounds almost over night and was so excited going into the weekend that it kept me in check. So I don’t know. Maybe when I come home from OCMD this weekend I have have to meal prep a little and make sure I hit my calories and not go over. It’s 12 pounds to my next goal. The lose it app says that I need 47 days to do it. I don’t need 47 days. I need self control and I need to put in the time.
My #DCBC peeps came to OTF and worked out with me this week. It was nice. I even got the owner of OTF to work out with me this week. She says that she was going to do it anyway but I know it was my Italian charm that got her on the treadmill sweating with us. There was actually 4 staffers rocking a workout with me. It’s nice to see them buy into the product they are selling. It’s a good workout. I wish my body would handle a few two a days because I would force myself to do it.
I went to see Butch Walker at the TLA Tuesday night with Amber. It’s
part of my no fear movement. I had a great time, the show was amazing. I have tickets to see Ryan Adam’s with my buddy Aram in 2 weeks DE and you know what. I know we have seats, and I m not scared. I am not nervous. I am going to be fine and I am going to have a good time.
I got a new Butch T-Shirt. It looked like material that was going to shrink a little so I got a 2x so that maybe it would last a few rounds in the washer before it became a belly shirt on me. I went so many years wanting
concert shirts and not being able to get them in my size that I have a very hard time saying no. I try to talk myself into not needing a 25 dollar t-shirt but there I go, off to get one. I remember taking two buses to the Oxford Valley Mall to the Way Out because I called and they said they had a few Motley Crue T-shirts in 2xl. They were in bags so I bought two with every last penny that I had on me with enough money to take the bus home and then when I got home they were still too tight. I hung one up in the garage at the shore house. Grandma always laughed at my posters in the garage at the shore.
So what do I do this week that I didn’t do last week? I worked my ass off I thought. Why doesn’t the scale support that effort? I’ve been on this journey long enough to not run to McDonald’s for lunch but something has to give for me. 12 pounds. I’ll be under 300 pounds. I really need to get there for many reasons. I think the #1 reason being that part of me doesn’t think I can do it. I get all these words of encouragement but the mind is a terrible bitch. Brutal.
I am signed up for my OTF next week. I’ll be getting my boot camps in. Today is going to be my last OTF till Monday afternoon because of my schedule. Tomorrow is my dietitian check in so I’ll see what she says. 24 days till Memorial Day weekend. It’s time to commit to 31 days of working on a dream. I want it. I want it bad.
Before I sign off. Good luck to all my friends, workout partners and gym buddies who are running Broad Street. I hope it’s amazing for you. Maybe next year I’ll be running with you too. Be safe.
Till next week everyone.