Archives for December 2014

Capadanno

December 31, 2014 By franco Leave a Comment

Christmas has come and gone and it did me 5 pounds dirty in the end. Santa really got me something that I didn’t want. Getting to my goal will be an utter miracle by January 6th. So when it comes down to it. I will do what I can till the 6th. Weigh in. Tell you all about it and then re-access my situation, where I am, where I am going and how I want/can get there. What else can I do?

I have lost a lot of weight in the last year and I although it bums me out a little bit. That I could not hit the goal that I set myself. I did get side tracked with my broken elbow for almost 8 weeks. So letting myself have a few more weeks to get to my goal isn’t going to be a big deal. Once I get there I am only going to set another one. I will take the next few days to reflect and think about what I am going to do both with my nutrition and fitness. Sometimes I think I am doing more than I can fitness wise but at the same time I have what most people don’t.. Time. So if I figured the right problem that will blast some fat.. I would be able to do it. I am thinking about switching from Planet Fitness to Retro since they have classes included for $20 bucks and it would help me with the crazy amount of money that I spend a month on classes and what not.

It’s New Years Eve. I started the last day of the year at 4:45 am by getting out of bed and ready for boot camp. I’ll end the year on stage at Parx Casino. The band is playing a sold out show tonight. It was a little over a year ago that I had an out of body experience on stage, couldn’t move and decided to do this. Has it been perfect? No. Nothing is perfect. No journey ever goes off without a hitch. It really is how you overcome those hitches that makes the journey.

I’ll get there. I am good. I am going to have a good time tonight. I’ll wake up tomorrow, get on the scale because in the end, I am a psycho and then head to bootcamp to start the new year.

Well I am all over the place today so I wanted to take a minute to wish everyone an amazing New Year. Be Safe! Thank you for your love and support in 2014 and I look forward to working even harder building relationships, friendships, and happy interactions all around in 2015. I don’t believe in New Years resolutions because I make them every day.. Sometimes they work out and other times I miss the mark. But that’s life. You do get to reset it as many times as you need to. Hit the reset button, breathe it all in and enjoy the New Year!

Reset <Click>

Believe

December 24, 2014 By franco Leave a Comment

I posted this to Facebook this morning… And wanted to share it here too.

Christmas is for dreamers. It’s about believing in something…. take it in the religious direction or as simple as Santa and the good that is in most people. To my friends who have been pushing and following their dreams this year… Keep pushing. Don’t give up, okay. Even I have been trying to practice what I preach and I know how hard it is. But today I pray that the spirit of Christmas fills your heart and inspires you to keep pushing, keep chasing, and if nothing else fill your heart with love, even for just a few days to end this year in a good, peaceful place. My love to all. Merry Christmas.

I’ve been dreaming a lot this past year. I hope I have helped some people dream along with me. I am tracking my weight and it’s not really where I want it to be but like I talked about last week. I’ll get to my goal in January no matter what. If it’s not right on time… I am sure you’ll all forgive me. And most importantly, I’ll forgive myself. I am going to have a good holiday, close the year out and re-commit with passion and fervor in the new year. 90lbs lost so far this year is great. I can do better and will.

You won’t get an official weight in again until January 6th, 2015. That will be 1 year to the day where I stepped on the scale, saw 411 and said that something had to change. What a change it’s been. 320 is such a nicer number. My feet think so too.

May the spirit of Christmas fill your heart, ignite your dreams and show you the way when you are lost.

Believe.

Let the Rain Come

December 19, 2014 By franco Leave a Comment

She said how does it feel to be one of the beautiful people
She said how does it feel to be one of the fortunate ones
She said how does it feel to be one of the beautiful people
She said how does it feel to be all alone under the sun
I said you gotta stand up in the garden
Baby come and let the rain come falling down upon your head
Oh you gotta stand up in the garden, darling
Come and let the rain fall down and wash away all your sins

Alternate Lyrics to Murder of One by the Counting Crows

Well I don’t have a lot to say this week I don’t think anyway. My weight has stayed the same. All the promises I made in last weeks blog kinda have to roll over into this weeks because I’ve been sick since Sunday. It’s just a common cold and a killer cough and has just sucked the life out of me. And while everyone applauds the weekend I am dreading having to sing at private functions and weddings all weekend while I am still couching like a mad man.

I can’t catch a break. But I need my mental health as well. I lost 90 pounds in the past 11 1/2 months. No pills, no gimmicks, no starvation. It didn’t come easy and it didn’t come without a price. If I don’t hit my goal on January 6th. I’ll just have to hit it when I hit it. But mark my words. I am going to hit it. I can’t do much more than I am doing.

You know I am sick when I cancel my personal training session because as much as I’ll bitch about it, I love it. But I’ve hit my activity goals and walked every day. I just took Tuesday off from lifting when I felt my weakest.

It’s Friday AM and as soon as I send this post live, I’ll be heading to the mall and getting my walk in before Friday boot camp. All you can do is keep going and doing what you are doing. I am going to let myself have a good Christmas. I deserve it. I won’t go crazy. I won’t suck 5000 calories of junk in. But I’ll try to relax a little.

There is a lot of body shaming going on around me lately. If you are fat… then people think you are a pig, that you have no self control. And while sometimes the control factor is what many of us needs… I was never an over eater.. I just made bad decisions with 99% of my food choices. So you commit to something, you commit to change. You want to be better. Then all of a sudden you work out too much, people tell you that you are going to die just like everyone else… people tell you you to “eat a sandwich”. It’s easy to say that you don’t care what people think but the truth is everyone has feelings, everyone hurts, everyone feels pain. Do your best to make yourself happy. Cut the dead weight out of your life. You can’t make everyone happy. Sometimes you work out to eat that damn sandwich. But I work out for me. I do everything that I do for me. If in the end it has positive effects on people and things around me… then so be it.

My mom went to Disney and knows that I love chocolate covered pretzels. She send me a box of Mickey ones. I could have been upset that she sent me those delicious chocolate covered yumminess. But hell no, I ate that shit. My mom thought about me enough to send me a gift. To think about me. Let your self live. Stick to you goals. Do it for you. This was what you wanted. This is what I wanted.

Santa is coming people. Don’t be an asshole. Love one another.

Muah!

Angry

December 12, 2014 By franco Leave a Comment

And instead of wishing that it would get better
Man you’re seeing that you just get angrier – Matchbox 20

On Monday I weighed myself. Same. No loss/no gain. I took my God Daughter to the light show and dinner. Ate. Drank a little. Felt human. Felt normal.

On Tuesday I woke up to walk an get moving. My afternoon appointment cancelled and then a flood of anger hit me that hasn’t quite went away yet and it’s Friday morning. I am snapping. I am short tempered. I finished my Meds two days ago so it’s not that. I have flipped on everyone around. Even flipped on the band Wednesday night at practice. I know I am stressed and putting a lot of pressure on myself. I can’t stop licking my teeth and my mouth is all out of whack. But in the end I just feel this immense anger. And ironically it’s not really aimed at anyone.

I am not mad at anyone. I am annoyed with the studio. This is the slowest year at the holidays since I got the studio. Now I know everyone is a photographer these days. I get it. But it’s scary. I have a lot invested in it and it would break my heart to just close it down. But if something doesn’t turn around soon. I can’t take the rent money out of my personal bank account that is at a 10 year low right now. I don’t know what to do. Not to mention, bootcamp, training.. Protein.. Quest Bars… Aren’t cheap.

This should be my best holiday season in a long time but no matter what the outside looks like the inside can still be Ugly. It’s that simple. And I know that I have have to repair the inside. I love. I love hard. I push people away. I push them away hard.

I look and feel good. I look and feel better. My feet hurt this week and they haven’t in a long time but I threw the sneakers that my feet didn’t like in the trash and started over. Having a size 14 show isn’t all it’s cracked up to be either. Most stores aren’t going over 13 anymore. I really like the Roche Run’s by Nike. I went looking like crazy a few days ago and nothing. Ordered 2 pair online, the pair I really wanted was cancelled. WTF? I can’t win.

I am not going to tell you what I am going to do this upcoming week because I don’t now. What I do know is that I wanted to have hit my goal already. That although no matter what you are going to tell me that I lost 90 so far and should be happy. I didn’t promise myself that I was going to lose 100 by Jan 6, 2015. I promised myself 100lbs. And that’s just not me. I’ve given up on so many things that this isn’t something I am willing to lie down that easy on. I deserve this. I deserve better. I work hard. People might not think it. I am on stage. In a bar. What kinda job is that? I’ll trade with anyone right now to have a little more stability, adult conversations and maybe a friend or two.

I should be happier. The mall I started walking in almost a year ago had nothing that would fit me, or nothing for me to buy then. That’s not the case now.

3 weeks. Same weight. Today. The same. 9 pounds from goal. Christmas coming. Maintaining. Need to crank it up. Try things. Get back to water and my Lose It app. Just seem unmotivated no matter how bad I want to hit my goals.

So I promised you that I’d be honest when I started this. To write it like it is. And there it is. Like Rocky says… the world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. I can’t always be happy, go lucky, smiling Franco.

This photo was popular on IG and FB this week.

Carry Me Home

December 7, 2014 By franco Leave a Comment

Oh my sweet disposition
May you one day carry me home – Ryan Adams

I have been hard pressed to write anything over the last few days. I can only promise myself and try to commit and get my head straight so much in one year and write about it. But as I was going to skip a blog this week. It thought it was important to carry this home. To finish what I started and that although things are harder than ever that I should use to it to start the week.

Tomorrow will be day 335 — or — 47 Weeks and 6 Days since I started this roller coaster.
And I was going to do 2 a days and eat really well and blah blah blah.. And then I found I was taking my god daughter to the light show tomorrow and then dinner… and Thursday night my 78 year old GF wants to take me to dinner. I mean who can say no to that. I last got on the scale on Thursday and I was maintaining. 10 pounds away from 100. I have no idea where I’ll be tomorrow when I just jump on the scale for a mental. I’ve been on my feet a lot and my water game is a little off. But I’ll click that in tomorrow for sure again. I am not going to drive myself crazy. With the holidays coming. I want to enjoy myself. I don’t want to gorge or anything. Just live life.

I played in Silver Springs Maryland with the band last night. The Fillmore is AMAZING. Full light and sound crews. Just AMAZING. When I came up from the green room before we started the guy that was running stage monitors for us came over to me and wanted to tell me how great I looked and wanted me to know that he noticed all my hard work. It was very nice to hear. Especially after being sick for the last week or so and wanting to eat everything in site. And honestly you don’t expect guys to notice that stuff. I don’t really expect anyone to notice that stuff. I really had a good time on stage last night. I miss that.

So bootcamp at 5:30am. A walk in the afternoon – training on Tuesday. Bootcamps and cardio and just a push forward. Dinners, lunches…. life… just taking it day by day…

29 days to goal.