Nothing makes sense.
Nothing makes sense anymore.
Nothing is right.
Nothing is right when you’re gone.
Losing my breath.
Losing my right to be wrong.
I’m frightened to death.
I’m frightened that I won’t be strong.|
I want someone to love me
For Who I am…. – Nick Jonas and the Administration
I posted the below tweet this morning on my Instagram that got a lot of attention. I was pretty shocked actually for early Monday morning when I got in my truck after a double workout. There was an outpouring of love and encouragement. Truth be told I put this shit out there and it’s mostly for me. I have no idea who sees it, gets it, creeps it. If I can help someone it’s even better. That’s what I wanted to do. I’ve been so blessed to be inspired by people that as snobbish as it might sound to some people, I want to inspire too. I would love someday to help other people who feel that they’ve hit rock bottom and want to make a change. Maybe give them the hope that I needed and still need sometimes.
So I posted the above and things went crazy. So let me answer some of everyone’s messages even though I really didn’t want to blog because I didn’t want to say the same old thing. I can hear Charlie Brown’s teacher in my ear… wa wa wa wa wa. If you don’t know what that is… Google it. 🙂 But I realized by the messages that I was getting quite a few things today.
1. I am very loved. #teamfranco runs a lot deeper than my house and my family. They are the first to bust my balls and tell me to suck it up. #teamfranco is picking up steam. Friends have made resolutions and are heading into week two already determined to write their own success story. I am inspiring. And I have been all along. What I put out there I am also getting pack 10 fold.
2. People are actually reading what I am putting out there even though no one ever comments or wants to talks about it. And that’s okay.
3. Many people wrote about the scale being evil and the devil. I know. I get it. But I really didn’t take any measurements when I started. I didn’t pull a tape measure out, or a body fat machine, I just got on my scale. Which is a weight lifting digital scale that cost me like $425 in 1999 and is still pretty damn accurate. My friend Charlie always does Non-Scale victories so I have been trying to keep track of them and write about them… I posted a whole bunch here last week.… I know it’s more about what I can do or what I can feel. I know people want me to body watch more. I understand. I just wanted to lose the 100lbs in a year and some of the people I followed lost way more than that and didn’t work out at all. So it just gets frustrating. That’s how I set up the goal and what not and it’s hard after a year to unwire myself.
4. I can’t throw the scale out. It cost too much.
I was laying in bed this morning playing with my iPad, hoping that the puppy would shut the hell up. (that didn’t happen). I saw my friend Ronny who I’ve never met post that he was staying in bed. He’s been training for a Spartan Race and that’s just something like marathon runners that blows my mind. So of course like the asshole that I am posted on his IG that he had to get up and let’s go. He messaged me that he listened and got up and got his Spartan training on. Put a big smile on my face. His comments are above on that image and they really hit me hard today. They choked me up. I didn’t really understand the effect this strange trip has on those around me. I posted a positive photo, went downstairs and got on the scale. And then I took to Twitter. I was crushed. I didn’t go nuts this weekend. Hopefully it’s muscle. But I felt defeated I still got in the truck and went to to classes in a row.
I am not quitting. My weight went up over the weekend. I am 18 pounds away from 100 lbs lost. My birthday is February 8th. I am shooting hard for it. Maybe something will kick in. In the meantime I am walking 5 days a week. I did bootcamp every day this week. I’ve actually been working out every day since Christmas. A lot of those days I did two workouts and a walk. So I can’t do much more than what I am doing with the time I got.
Maybe on his next day off I’ll go Spartan train with Ron though. Why the hell not. I am doing Boot camps, Speed and Agility and Sculpt and Tone classes. I am doing the bet I can. That I know. Water game is on point, food is okay. I am not over eating… I am not splurging…
I have a great gym family and great people around me.
Thank you for reading. Follow me on Twitter and IG for more fun.
Love to all.