Five. Four. Three. Two. One.
The ball drops and fireworks.
Resolutions are made.
People scream and people kiss.
And is it possible to change?
Is it really truly possible to
Leave the past behind?
Welcome to Midnight.
Welcome to the new year. Where somehow everything that has happened in the last 365 days is magically wiped clean, AND as a bonus – you get a “redo” to fuck it up all over again and then next year you can just wipe that shit clean. But what if I want to hold onto the last 365 days? What if I want to continue carrying the pieces that have been difficult with me? Because even broken, they are pieces of me. And I am worthy. I am a story. I am still writing it. I think we can brand the new year as a time to start over, but I don’t think we necessarily have to lose sight of all the times we have tried. The things we did do right in 2018 and where we have been trying to get to.
I counted it down. I watched as everyone hugged and kissed. I saw my band members sneakily click their Facetime app to whoever was important. I snapped a few pictures, made the sign of the cross and planned the next 25 minutes of music. How did I get here today?
New Years Eve was falling apart on me. I had a tuxedo tailored in early December to wear to a gala we had to play. It would do for one more wedding. After I showered on NYE I realized that the pants weren’t going to make it through the night. They were falling off me. I used the suspenders but I really looked ridiculous. I went through the closet and tried a few things on and finally running out of time, I put on the smallest black dress pants I could find, pulled the a belt on as tight as I could and would have to make due. They kinda looked like genie pants. And I ALWAYS try to look as nice as I can. It’s in my blood. I can’t help it. I grabbed a white tux jacket I had that I bought a few years ago and wore open with a vest and now its big but I was all I had that would work. I went to put on my new black leather converse on so I could break them in for Brandon’s wedding and low and behold I grabbed the wrong size box. I didn’t have a melt down. I just got my anxiety under control and said my goodbyes and went to work. I had a good year. I was content with my year. Not everything had worked out the way I wished but I wasn’t going to go into an already stressful wedding and not be ready mentally. I just made due. I’d be in an entirely different state of mind if the pants if things were too small.
The wedding was fantastic, complete with selfie station, balloon drop and our very own NY ball. No complaints.
New Years day I was asked to marry two of my old gym friends and I rose to that challenge with no problem, it was nice. I socialized a little but then I had to drive an hour to get the right shoes for the wedding.
I guess I need to flashback for a moment though.
In the middle of November Amber’s gym family, this little wolf pack of girls that came around late in life and have quickly become some of her closest friends messaged me about wanting to do something for her birthday, it was her 50th, and her biggest one yet. I had already done what I thought was go big, but the band having off on her actual birthday made me pull the trigger on a party. I am not sure if you have ever try to surprise anyone at their own house for a party. It’s not so fucking easy. Even worse inviting people, not so easy. I am pretty sure that halfway through me trying to do an invite on Facebook I just gave up. I was like wow that’s a lot of people, great she’ll be happy. For the first time I invited most of her family that all bailed by the last day, but that’s okay because the family we chose was here. Everything worked out perfectly. We could’ve taken the easy route and just chipped into going bowling, but I hated asking people to pay $70 to come celebrate her birthday. And with the kids wedding I couldn’t afford to invite 10 people etc let alone the 40 -50 that came to the house. We can always go bowling another time for no reason. Anyway. She was surprised. My house is full of love. The kids were here and it was good.
So let me wrap this up because in a few hours the wedding festivities will start. Knowing that writing is one of my better intentions for 2019 I wanted to get something out here today. I have been nothing but honest with everyone since I started this blog five years ago. Sunday, It will be five years that both Amber and I have been on his journey. I will look back on this next week, but let me give you a few stats for this week.
After making it across Christmas with no weight gain, new Year’s Eve was not as good. I guess it started with Amber’s birthday. And guess what. It’s okay. It’s only 5 pounds. I know I let myself have some food and drink, I also know that I did not eat 20,000 calories plus so sooner or later the weight will shed off cause I know it’s mostly water. Whatever the weight gain may be on the scale, come Monday morning, I will log it in all my apps, and start over. One goal, one pound, one work out, at a time. One of my gym BFFs John has about 20 pounds to lose to get to his goal. I told him that I was at a similar spot and would do it with him. I might have to up my fasting game a little bit and kick this shit into high gear. I know you’re shaking your head going you are always in high gear. But just like anyone else I have my moments. But not like a lot of people here I am telling the world about it and just being honest. No Excuses.
Welcome to midnight.
I hope the new year started with light and love for you. Oh if you decided to start Keto with me before I forget. Let me offer a little more help. If you look above and the navigation there is Keto button, and a drop-down that I added yesterday that says what to eat.. I keep having people ask me for meal plans and we don’t really have a meal plan. A lot of times we eat the same thing for lunch and expand our dinner options. But I thought that would help everyone out. I will talk more about that next week I promise. I have to get out of here. I still have a wedding speech to write.
With much love,