Did you think you were dreaming?
No, I didn’t think I was dreaming.
It doesn’t like it’s in my head
There are things that I remember and then there are things that I forget.
I meant what would you change it you could?
I think I need a sunburn. The sun makes me feel alive.
I walk across the house in the dark in the middle of the night and some nights in my deliriousness and panic about falling back asleep after the bathroom or drinking from the ice tea jug because hey it is the middle of the night and no one is watching…. I see him. He always always just nods at me like he is waiting for for me to come back to him. We’ve been through this before. He’s waiting for me to give up. He’s waiting for me to quit. He’s waiting for me to go back to my old tricks. He looks like me. Just a former me. It’s like the old cartoons where the grim reaper was coming for you and you saw him but you tried to outsmart him. That’s where I feel like I am sitting. I am trying to outsmart my former self. It scares me. I am sorry I haven’t written in two weeks. It’s not like me. But I feel like I have no direction lately. I am working on it.
Less than two weeks ago, I decided to cross a few things of my list. Call it a bucket list. Call it a reward. Call it living. I called Universal Studios. Booked 4 days in Orlando. Hard Rock. Harry Potter Experience. Boom. Boom. Boom. I am going on Monday. Amber probably thought I was nuts because I am too thought out when it comes to things like this and I did something very spontaneous. I think a lot of peopke are surprised. But I did it. I had 24 hours to think about it and then called the next day and just gave them my card info. I didn’t get the insurance for the plane or trip. I told the guy that I hadn’t been on a real honest to goodness vacation since 2004 and that one way or another I was coming to see Harry, get a wand, drink butterbeer and just enjoy myself. Then it happened. Panic. Anxiety and what the fuck did I get myself into?
I started doing research, checking out the rides. I don’t want an itinerary. I am not a Disney freakazoid who has to micromanage every second of the day. I know we have our free breakfast in the AM in the park… other than that… we are just doing our thing. BUT… Then it I stumbled on a wiki about a guy not fitting in the seats for Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey and sheer terror ripped through me. I am already worried about the plane ride down because Frontier didn’t have the upgraded seats open when we booked. And what happens if I get down there and can’t fit in the damn ride. I want to ride the Harry Potter rides. I want to escape Gringotts. I want to experience it all. I am trying not to let it get to me. I am trying to just let it go where it’s supposed to. I am trying. Follow my new Insta and Twitter to get all the news as it happens. I’m going to try and unplug more that usual but I’ll make sure I share some of the things related to the blog as it happens.
I did not weight in this week. My last trip on the scale last week was 307.9. This week I’ve done two hard workouts a day for 3 days and 2 singles. I am sore. I am tired but I feel good too if that makes sense. I am going to have fun, let my body get a break next week, come home and get to work.
Thank you for caring. Thank you for reading. Don’t be a muggle mofo’s!