So it’s been awhile and I guess since tomorrow I start with a recommitment to my goals I wanted to write. Why? Same reason people who make the same mistakes over and over again post IG photos and memes about how strong they are… want to be… or wish they could be… before they fall into the same pattern over and over again in life. I am that person as well so don’t sit there and think that I might be talking about you because I am not hiding any subliminal messages in here. The only thing I will say is that sooner or later you have to start living those memes or believe them or you end up a cliche. That’s usually why I need motivation and post it.. Because deep down instead just like my love for Santa Claus, I want to believe. There is nothing wrong with that.
But there is a flip side.. There is that person who posts and talks a good game on social media but that’s where it ends. I am always afraid more than anything of being that person. There is a fine tightrope to walk when it comes to that. So there I am. Walking the tightrope. Trying to figure it all out. Still trying to hold myself accountable.
The truth is that I am not perfect and while I want to lift people up, sometimes I knock them down because I am stupid and stupid shit comes out of my mouth. I know as soon as the words leave my mouth. Not something I am proud of and something I need to do better at. We all have demons, we all have insecurities. I told a friend and client while she was drunk and eating nachos… and after some ribbing back and forth already that I hope she didn’t fit in her wedding dress…. I am evil. The next day, I went to put on my smallest tux pants that were only just tight a week or two ago…. And they weren’t getting on. So there you have what is called karma… While I didn’t mean what I said to be mean and evil… It’s not something that normally would ever come out of my mouth. But it did and I need to do better with the people that actually care about me and support me. As far as my pants… that’s a whole other story….
My brilliant wife wanted a new kitchen. The kitchen hadn’t been touched in years. A total demo and rehab. So that is what it is but not being able to stay on my meal plan didn’t help me any. I never stopped the gym but I haven’t had the heart and determination that I had before my hernia surgery. I am hoping that I can spin that and get my head right. Bad decisions taste much better then good ones that’s for sure. The tuxedo pants not fitting great really can fuck with me. I mean they are the smallest size I’ve owned in years but… in the end… they still fit a few weeks ago an while they fit…. They sure as hell weren’t comfortable. But I have posted about Mondays a lot. They are made for a reset. And I’ll man up, get on the scale. Look at the number, Take a deep breath and start my day on a better footing.
It is going to suck. I’ll be better getting back at it. It will never be finished though. We all know that.
The band is on bandcation this week for days. And while everyone else really gets to unplug from it. I don’t. Shows still need to be prepped, advertised. I am not going anywhere. We haven’t planned anything. So we’ll just let it go where it’s going to go.
So I am going to get back at this. And just in case you didn’t know. You can say what you want about me. It will never be as bad as what I think, what I feel, or what I see in the mirror. If you think I don’t hear almost every thing you say about me…. You are out of your mind.. Stab me in the back while you hug me or shake my hand. No worries. This is why we can’t have nice things!
I don’t have an endgame. I’ve always wanted to mic drop on new years eve. And just walk away. So I guess you never know. Like I said earlier. Stupid shit comes out of my mouth.
Thank you for reading and being here.
A little catch up in photographs can be found below…