The Last Good Thing

Tomorrow is my birthday!

Today I weigh 78 pounds less then last year.  Happy Birthday to me!

I look in the mirror and see a fractured being, broken. I never know which Franco from over the years will be looking back at me. Yet, I smile at my reflection because there is a strength to each broken piece. And even the broken pieces are still important because they carry a part of me.

So I am going to finish up the last of my notes from my January reading and mindfulness. (Fancy word for deep thoughts). Also, I could tell you all this area the shit that my wife says that I need to practice what I preach. I have to get my February reading going.  I am slacking but here…..

Forgiveness is crucial.

Shit happens. Life is not always fair. But if you can forgive the people who have hurt you, and let go of any anger and resentment you’re carrying, you can move past any injustice and live a happier life.

Why brood in anguish about something you probably can’t change? If you can look at it instead as a learning and humbling experience, then you’ll be on the path to recovery. Possibly, forgiving yourself is a part of that recovery. Because the one thing I am guilty of more than anything is beating myself up.

Hanging on to hurtful memories will not help you. It could be very challenging to let those painful memories go but is worth it. Really worth it.

How you recover from adversity affects your happiness level. If we tend to bounce back quite quickly, then I think we can generally be happier humans.

I have crossed through some of the nasty shit in my life. But it’s important to not let bad experiences define you. We are all much more than that. You are the result of many good memories too. Focus on those and move onwords and upwards; you will only add to your happiness

Let it go. Let it go. I can feel that song from frozen coming on. I hate frozen.

I saw this on the internet the other day and flushed it out with some things that I liked and probably things that I will work on in my next trip around the sun.……

Things that everyone needs to come to terms with:

1. No response is a response.
2. It they wanted to, they would.
3. Timing will not always be in your favor.
4. Not everyone has the same heart as you.

#4 is a big one for me and something that multiple people have tried to drill home to me in recent years.

I hit my lowest weight ever last Friday morning. And then by Monday it had spiked. And no matter what I did this week it stay the same. Just a couple pounds, but still. I was hoping to hit the next milestone by tomorrow. Those milestones never seem to happen for me.

We went to a cryo spa on Saturday.  IT WAS AWESOME!

My second appeal with atnea for my skin removal surgery has been filed. And in the end it is what it is. Like everything else I have not given up. I’m still fighting.

Will that make me happy? I don’t now. It will stop some of the pain that I feel along the road. It will help me be a little less self-conscious on the beach. But I don’t know.

I am glad to get back to work with the band this weekend, we have a pretty solid Schedule going forward. I wanted the big boy job So that I could have fuck you money, pay down some debt, do some things around the house, and have a little fun. But that really hasn’t come to fruition because of the shitty band schedule. Thank God for the day job because I need it for the Brats wedding, and everything else that I am responsible for. Maybe that’s why I have been angry lately. It’s definitely a trigger, and just one of the many things that I can’t seem to change.

Well, I will prepare myself for another trip around the sun. I am not going anywhere. Until then, just like my grandma did, I will thank Jesus for another day.

Keep me in your thoughts. I will continue to push through the mess.

Fuck the rain.

Franco

P.S. these are the books I read in January if you are interested.

Butch Walker -Drinking with Stangers
Next 5 people you meet in heaven
Dear Evan Hansen
The little book of Big Happiness
The Four
Beartown
Very good lives
Thing drunk people say