you thought you knew
Deserts your fight,
I’ll go with you..
It’s been a long couple weeks
and I have been fighting.
Fighting the scale.
Fighting the mirror.
Fighting the voices.
Fighting the people who doubt me.
Fighting the people who think they are better.
Fighting the people who don’t believe in me.
A week ago I had hit my goal for October. I made a photo. Started writing a blog, and then all of a sudden without cheating, without slowing down or skipping gym days, the weight just kept coming back…. Almost 10 pounds….FUCK! I hit a funk. No blog. No check in. It kept coming back on. I was getting nervous. I didn’t know what the hell was going on. I have skinny jeans now. Size 38. Probably not too far off from your husbands. Normal people sizes. Not giants… I dunno. Was it my flu shot? Was it the fact that I was getting sick? I dunno. I hit the weekend and just needed a break. And for the most part I took one. We went bowling for Brandon’s bachelor party. Chicken fingers…. Mac and cheese bites… and a drink menu that a few of the guys decided to try and drink. ALL SUGAR. Chances are that day that I went all in I had more carbs in one night then I had all month long. I did my best not to freak but I was starting to freak. But that night I kept telling myself… You are in your sons large thermal that he told you to wear. Things are good, chill the fuck out.
The next morning I went to breakfast. I was in my head. Country fried steak, sunny side up eggs, home fries and toast. I didn’t finish it all but I felt human. Later that night… TWENTY ONE PILOTS! I was sooooo happy. Met some of my closest friends/family. Drinks. Music and Amber and I split wings and a slice of Pizza. I was taping “My Blood” because my friend Emily asked me to and it hit me. That I have to push forward. I have to re-commit.
I know that weight loss isn’t linear. I have learned the hard way over these years. There is a reason that EVERY WEIGHT LOSS DIET WORKS (initially) – Advocare, ItWorks, Nutrisystem, Herballife, Low Fat, High-protein you name it. WHY? Because you take in lower calories, you burn more. You also drink water till you pee your brains out and you lose 10 pounds of water in a week to 21 days. So that 10 pounds of water even doing a keto diet comes off of EVERYONE! That 10 pounds can also come back right away.
But today I pulled myself out of the bed. I got in the lions den and got on the scale. How did my October end. Did I hit 60lbs lost in 2018? NO. I did not. I lost 7 pounds in October. Safely. Healthily.
In 2018 I have lost 57lbs. I am down a total 134 total. I am down 34 since July 4th totally on Keto. So I will drink the tears of my haters. I will be the unicorn that I know I am and keep dancing because no one, nothing can stop me. I am a glutton for punishment.
I have had a good couple weeks. I can’t believe that all the hoodies and stuff I have bought for this winter are a large. I can’t remember ever wearing a large in anything.
People have come and gone. Goals have changed. When you make the decision to not be used, manipulated and stressed out. Life just gets better. It’s a good feeling to have already crushed all the things I wanted to do in 2018 except for a little bit of traveling.. And I’ll make up for it in 2019.
Right now my youngest graduates the police academy in December. My oldest gets married in January.
Life is good!
I’ll go with you,