This blog post was going to be titled how I spent my birthday weekend but that has come and gone. Some people put a lot of thought into me, sound surprised me and came out of nowhere. And some let me down as usual. Sometimes many things are expected of me, but when it comes time for that same courtesy to be shown to me it fails. But in the end, you live and you learn, just like anything else, I will reset the way I handle events of those around me when it comes time for theirs. If there is any birthday reflection that I can make at 44 years old, is that no matter how I treat other people, no matter what I do for other people, in the end I cannot hold them to the same standard as I am held. If you can convince yourself to have no expectations, you’ll never get letdown. Sometimes a card with a few words will go a long way. In the end, it was a very enjoyable weekend. Boot camps, Lasagna, Ice cream, Band, Photoshoots.
My show this weekend was off the hook, so many people from the gym came to see me play that I did not even get to say hello to many of them, I am in one photo from the evening and I pretty much look like satan. But what an awesome mix of people from across my life.
When I started going to Dan Campos fitness last March I would have never in a million years have foreseen the showering of good people that would come into my life. I am there almost every day, and usually surrounded by some very good people. Yes there are some narcissistic fuckers and they will try to drag you down into their murk, talk about you behind your back, generally do what they have to do to get what they want. Use you up and spit you out. But that’s life too. And even with that, I’m starting to see that I get out of life what I put into it. The more I leave my living room, the more I try things, the more success and happiness I seem to be having. I need to let myself be happy more. I am anxious. I have anxiety over things that I really can’t change.
The flex eating isn’t really going all that well. I definitely don’t see weight pouring off of me like people like to say, maybe that is for skinny people. I know you are supposed to be able to eat those macros at anytime of the day as long as you hit them but. I feel like I am shoveling a lot of them in before I go to bed because I was not hungry throughout this day. I am going to keep at it. Something has to give. I really, really want a freaking coach who knows about bad fat. One who can measure me, working out what my body needs. No pills. No junk. Even if I had the money. I don’t know where to start and I am not just giving someone $100 bucks on the internet for a plan. They don’t know me. I am sure they send the same damn plan to everyone.
I have been trying to do more cardio. Sometimes I think putting your weight in the machine at planet fitness is the one thing that keeps me going there. Seeing the numbers, big, red blowing up in your face is also soul crushing. I was trying to walk on the arc trainer yesterday, and seemed like it was taking forever to get to 326. Is the girl running on the machine behind me watching? Is there a camera above me waiting to see what I weigh? Who will win the bet? I bet it’s the janitor. Does that motherfucker even speak English?
They can’t always be super cheery blog posts people. This isn’t an easy journey. It is brutal on your body. It is brutal on your heart. The rewards are more than money can buy. But there is a price that gets paid for it like everything else. But I will end on a positive.
I am putting in work at strength training. I squatted 165 yesterday. I got lower than I ever have before too. I bench pressed 115 for 10 reps too. So they aren’t meat head numbers but I am not a meat head. Today I walked up the box with no help. No walking stick. Just me! So there is that.
I hope everyone has a great week.