So there is an argument that goes on in my house and has gone on here since the beginning. We have massive don’t talk to each other for 24 hours, go to bed early, go into the bedroom and ignore the other person for the rest of the day, knock down arguments. And when you step away and think about them, they are absolutely silly. And apparently many fights are about this…. can you guess what it is before getting to you the end of this sentence. I know I am difficult so it could be a mix of many things but overall I think most of the fights around here center around and what’s for dinner. And arguing over food makes me even more angry.
When you extend this battle zone to two people who would like to lose weight and have different thoughts about that it becomes even worse. It’s basic marital principles and I’ll never win. But here lies the root of the problem. I have lost my way.
I haven’t been drinking my water. I haven’t been planning my meals. I have eaten way too late at night and I have just been letting myself have too much junk. This doesn’t have anything to do with anyone else. I am a big boy and in the end I put whatever I am eating in my mouth. No one else.
When I got on the scale on Monday I knew it wasn’t going to be good. My clothes are tight. I feel sluggish. I am sleeping later and later in the morning. (granted with the puppy cuddling it’s easy to just wanna lay there). I looked at the scale, saw 340 and took a deep breath. Somehow, some where, I let 29 pounds creep back up on me on the last 16 months. A year ago today I was 313lbs. So either way… Silly things like your underwear being tight… But this past March I was teethering around 305. So what happened? I can’t keep blaming life.
I don’t know. But I have to do something and I have to take charge now. I stopped blogging, I stopped checking in and I know I still have people out there rooting for me. I don’t want to pay people for meal plans and what not. Are they dietitians? Do they know about my late 90’s weight loss surgery and how it rewired my body and even 16 years later it effects me? I just think that there is a reason why people go to school for that. I would much rather have a gym plan. I much rather have gym dates and work out buddies. But enough of that.
I am trying to get my shit together because in the end no one can do it for me and I went to two workouts on Halloween. Even with a little candy, I hit my macros and got up this morning and went to boxing and will go to the gym tonight too.
I have been sick it seems since August but it’s time to pull it all together and end this year at least even.
Let me try and catch you up a little and I’ll try and write again on Thursday and let you know where I am so far.
The band celebrated our 20th Anniversary on October 15th with over 400 of our closest friends. It was pretty awesome. I hated the photos from it. I just seemed wide again and side view was starting to look decent. But I got to see so many friends past and present that it was truly awesome.
Amber and I got to go to a Flyers game already and we are going with Brett and a friend tomorrow. Best seats I’ve ever been given so I am excited about that and a little nervous about the seats with my new found poundage. Even more scary is that we are going to the Eagles game on Sunday with both boys in NY and that makes me so nervous. What the hell did I do?
Brett wants to go to Florida in December for a few days over school break. I have to get myself under control to even consider. I can’t go to Universal and not be able to ride the Harry Potter stuff. I’ll cry in front over everyone.
Well I have to get a little protein down. It’s a tough week with everything going on but I’ll make it happen for sure. Doesn’t look like I’ll have a choice, life happens, and life will go on without me If I let it and that is my biggest fear.
So I better text Amber and ask her what’s for dinner.
Thanks for reading.