Let’s just blame this whole corona-virus mess on Carol Fucking Baskins. If you don’t know now, you know. If you do know she’s absolutely 100% killed her husband.
I’d like to tell you that everything I set out to do last week I did, but it lasted about two days. Fighting out of depression, anxiety, and the voices in my head is a lot harder than I would like to admit to everybody here. Luckily almost no one is reading this bullshit anymore. If this is therapy for me this is how it started anyway. But maybe you are just that fucking bored at this point and wow I am curing a lot today.
I have no idea where my weight is because I’m not stupid enough to get on the scale. That would just cause me to want to drive my car into a wall. And I really like my car.
I wrote that last Thursday, It’s Monday now and I forgot I started writing this and I know what my weight is, I want to drive my car into the river. FUCK YOU LAM.
Yes, one of my grooms from 11 years ago and I had a little Sunday morning check in and he said more than once to stop being an asshole and undoing years of hard work. He was right and I got on the scale this morning and sweet fucking Jesus today is going to suck as I detox from sugar, carbs and booze. I am going to have to limit the booze till the weekend and stop eating whatever I want. FUCK ME! Okay I vented. I feel better. I will come out of this okay. Don’t you worry. But I am not going to tell you how far from goal I am not cause guess what? I am embarrassed for the first time in a long time by it.
And then of course Kelly (she’s my daughter in law) pretty much called all of us fat yesterday while she was stuffing her face with meatballs and pasta that we made. Nice huh! Okay Kelly. It’s on.
Ya know what?
FUCK! It’s Carol Baskin’s fault.
I am keeping busy – I redid my entire home office. I have been pushing more one take covers out to my Instagram page.￼ You probably came from there so you’ve seen them. If not here is they link to it…
We’ve worked on purging offices, closets, rooms, drawers, garage spaces, basements and equipment.
I have participated in virtual happy hours with my coworkers, I have had zoom drinking binges with my friends the first week or so but that ended, but other than a few trips to the store for food we have kept ourselves. I am eating eggs all week so I should be easy. LOL!
Last friday, my buddy Daniel dropped off orange crushes in our driveway. They were a big hit. Then two days later my favorite Mexican brought me Over a plate full of cupcakes which of course we shared with Kelly and Brandon as well.￼. On Thursday, my little buddies Joey and Louka Dropped off Dunkin’ Donuts for the family. I also have friends that I’ve supplied us with alcohol but I’m not going to tell you who they are because no one needs to know where the extra secret stash is at this time. It’s selfless acts like this that have kept me going. I really don’t care how much of a loner you are, or think you are, people need people. This is the hardest part for me.
NO MORE CARBS. I say this with peace and love, peace and love. I HAVE NO SELF CONTROL UNDER QUARANTINE!!! You wanna drop off a brisket? PERFECT!
I have come to terms with the fact that even when this is over I don’t think the band will get back to work right away. I really don’t think they are going to let us congregate in big groups for a good while. It’s not like they’re just going to flip a switch and tell us to go about our normal business. And honestly what is normal anymore. I have a hard time pushing through. We have actually been pretty good here in the home. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that while I am eating a lot more than I am used to, We are getting on the Peloton and I am starting to lift weights. It is not perfect in any stretch of the imagination￼. I have the dumbbells that I have and there’s nothing else that we can add because you cannot find them anywhere whatsoever. I thought about selling my squat rack etc since I have no bench but I am not going to take advantage of people either. I’ll prepare for this better in the future. I will have a bench for days that I just have to work out here, when this is over.
It does not help that my company let 26 people go over the last few days. A few that I thought would never get the boot there. I was pretty shocked and the panic and anxiety rises and if I don’t buckle down hard, I’ll screw myself up.
Okay I am done being an asshole to myself.
Well not really cause I am going to do a 5 day egg fast and most likely be a miserable prick by midnight. I don’t want to worry about what I am eating so this is going to be it for me, I have to take back control.
Oh and I went and got animal crossing so if you play let me know. I needed something to do other than work and social media.
So I do want to let everyone know that they are important. There’s something that I can drop off by all means just ask. I am not sharing my alcohol with you, that is a deal breaker.
The truth is I’m doing my best. And I hope that everyone reading is doing their best too. Stay the fuck in the house so we can all go out together soon.
Oh and I have a sick Corona beard going! I even have beard butter so you know this is serious. LOL.
Maybe later in the week I will throw up a zoom address and everyone who wants to chime in and say hello can. In the meantime check out my Instagram and if there’s anything you want to hear I will gladly try to chop a few chords for you.
You can’t say I don’t out it out here and with honesty. FUCK!
Please stay safe and healthy.