It’s Tuesday. I never write on a Tuesday. Don’t know why I am today but either way, I am here.=
Before I tell you anything else I guess I should just jump out of the gate and tell you I have no fucking idea what I weigh today. My clothes fit. I didn’t die over the weekend or anything. So I’m alive. That’s going to have to be good enough for anyone reading this today. That scale will get lonely this week because for once while I fight other demons, it won’t get a chance to pile on or define me.
Over the weekend New Jersey started rolling back many of the things they let us do over the summer. Apparently you can get coronavirus after 10 PM much easier than you can at 6 PM. The fact that we did not have one set of rules across the country honestly boggles my mind. When you live really between three or four states like we do here in lower Bucks County Pennsylvania it is really fucked up. We live on the way to all these other places.
Yesterday, Philadelphia reeled back a lot of things that will kill local businesses. They keep closing things, sports, indoor dining and not being able to go to the gym. Well not all gyms are owned by big massive companies like LA fitness or planet fitness. Some gyms are owned by the guy next-door. How does that guy feed his family? How does that guy stay in business for his community? In the end after this virus, the only ones left are going to be massive corporations. Any type of mom and pop store doesn’t stand a chance.
I don’t have any answers. I kept rolling and not worrying about things I can’t control. I did not really want to let my guard down, but I did. I have no problem wearing a mask in public, I’ve had hand sanitizers everywhere I go. I have bottles in every car, backpack, you name it, clean masks everywhere as well. Spare masks for my friends. I can’t be locked down anymore. But guess what, that’s probably where we’re heading, we will have to do better. I don’t believe it’s all politics. But I don’t believe the politics doesn’t play a part in this.
Have you ever felt that you were in between flying and falling? There’s been this thing online all week about a Butch Walker challenge. It’s been a Butch Walker cover song challenge. This website is named after one of his songs. So I did my own cover this week to add to the bunch.
My cover will be at the bottom of the page here and I will share it with you. I hope you like it. Some of my favorite lyrics from the song are…..
“I Just want you to worry about me every once in a while, I just need a sign of life to get me by”
It just seems like everything is completely going to shit lately. I cannot pull myself out of the funk that I am in – to really concentrate on finding a new job. My resume sucks balls. I have friends testing for coronavirus. No one seems safe anymore. I have friends who are going to bury a parent shortly from this nasty virus. That’s just not fucking fair.
What the fuck did we do wrong?
Why is god punishing us?
Well I don’t read Facebook much as I try not to scroll up and down – But I keep reading about how this is unfair to the kids.
I’m not sure where this notion of fairness comes from but nothing could be farther from the truth because life is not fair. It never has been and never will be, while we can teach our children manners and the way they should treat people let’s not let them have the idea of everything in our life should, or will ever be fair. It gives a very unrealistic expectations. It can cause a lot of damage in the future – all we can do is deal with whatever happens and do our best. But going on Facebook and writing how it’s unfair that your kid can’t go to school or play soccer, or go to dance classes over and over again isn’t going to help your child whatsoever. If it helps you feel better then, whatever. So be it.
My heart hurts for the kids don’t get me wrong. I think a lot of my friends kids are stronger and more resilient than I am. I am seeing 1st report cards with straight A’s. All these honors. They got this. You got this.
Be proud of how you’ve been handling these past few months. You are perfect in every way. Be Proud of the silent battles you had to fight, the moments where you have to humble yourself, the times you had to wipe your own tears. You are enough. You are strong. Celebrate that strength.
I am not prone to show weakness. As down as I am, my wife even said, I know you… you already have a plan worked out in your head. I don’t know about that one but I have a brighter discontent right now. I have realistic expectations. I have realistic goals both with my weight… my workouts and job prospects going into a very dark winter.
Christmas has me a little anxious.
I think I am going to be a hobbit and just barricade myself inside here. No new friends.
And with that the Speakeasy is closed to the public. Ya’ll mother fuckers are dirty and I can’t have that shit.
Remember back in late march when we texted and zoomed and checked in on each other.. yup. good times.
Last week I rode the Peloton for over 60 or so miles. I went to the gym 5 days. I will rinse and repeat. I’ll try and shove less junk food in my mouth and a little less whiskey. I will just just do my best.
That’s what makes this life so wonderfully awesome
And horribly awful
Yet somehow it’s beautiful anyway
Keep fighting the good fight fuckers!