The night before Thanksgiving I was standing on stage… It was a total sausage party for the most part where the band was playing and I kept thinking about the high school get togethers that were going on all over the area that night. I was never really a part of them. For the last 22 years or so I was always playing music or something. And for some reason.. while the band was playing.. I zoned out and remembered something from high school that I hadn’t thought about in a very long time….
I got dropped off at a play (musical) cast party a little early by my dad. He really didn’t take me many places cause he was always working but I was having a hard time finding a ride and I really wanted to go.. so I got there that night. I was so excited and as I walked toward the house I heard voices from the basement window… they were talking about me.. and I heard the host making fun of me. I was frozen in fear and panic. The part I remember the most was the host saying that I should just shave my head, cut off my arms and legs and embrace my life as a pear. I stood there… tears streaming down my face and couldn’t move. But I had to do something. This was the late 80’s, I didn’t have a cell phone to call my dad. I finally was able to move and found myself around the corner sitting in someone’s driveway not knowing what to do. Even then, I knew that I couldn’t let other people get me down. And while my feelings were hurt, I needed to go to the party. I did. But I never forgot that night apparently.
I was on stage. It’s 28 years later. Longer than most of you guys reading this have probably been alive. That girl that said those things is on her 3rd marriage, posts about hating her weight gain, needing time for the gym and now wants to be my bestie on Facebook or come to see the band near her town. Yeah. Okay. No thank you. And while I think we did and said a lot of things when we were kids and probably still do. There is a reason I haven’t been to any marching band reunions, beef and beers or official high school reunions. Anyone I’d really want to see or really wanted to see can easily find me too. I don’t really have the small talk, chit chat inside me anymore.
I am enough. You are enough. Never let anyone let you feel otherwise.
The band had a 12 day break. I didn’t really. I was busy plotting out the summer with the management company and dealing with crazy brides and party planners. I did have a day away at the Flyers game. My girlfriend at the customer relations desk upgraded my tickets and while the Flyers lost I still got to see a pretty great game, and their were a lot of friends there. We had an unplanned dinner at Xfinity live with my friend Gina and her husband Phil and then headed home to binge watch Stranger Things 2 till 3am. First time in a long time that I didn’t see a band. I was okay with that.
I don’t know what I weigh. I know my muscles hurt. I know I did a few HIIT classes this week and trained legs with coach, and did back and bicpeps, chest, tris, shoulders and traps.. even some delt work and my body is sore. I can see it start to bounce back into shape. And seriously, yesterday was Thanksgiving. I’ll get back at it hardcore on Monday and go all the way to the holidays with little distraction. I do feel really good and getting stronger. The muscles are coming in faster than ever.
I spent Thanksgiving morning in the gym with Keith doing shoulders and then a killer Gobble Gobble Workout. I earned that damn chocolate lava cake. That shit was good too.
Something else that has been bothering me since Monday or Tuesday. I was at Philadelphia Mills and had gone to buy clothes for a Bigg Romeo photoshoot that’s coming up. I went into Walmart afterwards and when I came out, I heard screaming and this young punk was pushing this girl around like a maniac and screaming. I wanted to fly around to his lane and protect her, It was obvious she knew him. I think he wanted her to go into the store and she didn’t want to but I wasn’t carrying, I got scared and while others were watching no one steps up. I went home sick to my stomach and full of regret. I didn’t know if the guy had a gun, but still I had failed. And it’s been bugging me all week. How can any guy lay their hands on a female. It was the basic principle that I was taught. Shit, I would mess with my sister but I guess at the age where we understood, I never hit or beat up on my sister… now we both beat on my little brother but he always deserved it. Still does. I hope that girl is okay. I am sorry I was scared and didn’t help you. It won’t ever happen again.
My father in law hasn’t answered his phone all week with my wife and his grand children calling him so after the gym and breakfast today we stopped over. It was my idea. My wife hasn’t ebnn able to sleep all week cause she actually cares. He was a total asshole to her and said he wasn’t answering his phone because of me some reason… he must be low on pain pills or off his meds but a screaming match ensued on his doorstep and I lost my cool. I can’t stand anyone yelling or talking down to her. Drives me right into a crazed lunatic. So I guess it’s finally hit that I am never going to have that close relationship with him or anyone from Amber’s family for that matter. We see one cousin more than once a year… that’s about it. We could probably fit a cousins lunch at our kitchen table. Happy Holidays. Go Fuck yourself now.
DDHD. Dreams don’t have deadlines. Thank you LL Cool J for this new mantra. 24 days till Florida. 37 Days till NYE.
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Thank you for being here.