My son Brett is in the process of going through Police officer interviews to work at a local police department. He’s going to be a cop. I’m not sure honestly what he dreamed about becoming because he changed his mind so often growing up. Pretty sure at one point he’s going to be a professional Pokémon catcher, hockey player, soccer player, clothing designer, physical therapist, Athletic trainer, FBI agent – you name it. I am really glad that no matter what he found his path. Although it scares the living hell out of me, I am really proud of him. I am proud of both of them.
I played with Legos when I was growing up. I didn’t make anything crazy out of them though. I built stages, and concert platforms, and trusses for lighting. I would pour baking soda into some of the grooves and then cover them in vinegar so they were foam like fog. My Star Wars figures quickly became the band. And all I ever dreamed about was being on the stage. I guess my dream came true. That stage is filled with anxiety and with an amazing mix of happiness every time I come to the front to sing.
This past weekend I was the most comfortable that I have ever been in my skin. I know I probably have been saying that a lot lately across social media platforms but it is true. Many people my age think that their best summer was probably in their past but I really think that this is my summer. I can’t wait to get on stage at the shore. Dreams don’t ever stop coming. I’m going to do my best to fulfill as many of them as possible. But that dream about being on stage…. I did it. I F#ING DID IT. And I am doing it well too. No one can take that away from me.
Saturday was amazing. It did not hurt that I had friends there from three different gyms that I’ve spent the last five years at. I felt so much love and support.
If you are following my keto journey, I added another page of Keto information to the Keto section on my website. I did all the homework for you and have lead you to some amazing links for information.
So let’s get to where I am at this week in this crazy ass journey.
If you read last week I was trying an extended fast to reboot my metabolism and a few other benefits. I made it 66 hours.
On Sunday after a night of drinking and dancing I weighed in at 248 and almost cried. But I figured I was dehydrated and that it would bounce back so not to get too excited and it did but only to to 250 and then after a day or two I came back down and now can cry happy tears cause I’m pretty much out of the 250s and a two month merry go round of a plateau is over. The fasting worked. Not right away but a day or two after my body reacted, it rewarded me.
So for the first time in my adult life I am under 250 pounds. I’m not even sure how to process it. I’ll be much happier when I get closer to 245 and stay in that ballpark and not two up two down from 248.
You’d be surprised how many things actually have a weight limit of 225 to 250.
Here is a list of some of the things that I can do freely.
Sit in a beach chair
Use most pool rafts
zip line on fremont street
go to Ifly and parachute ( probably not doing this one)
Go on any water slide at Volcano Bay
Fit on all the rides at Disney and Universal
Fit in any chair
Get on a plane and not be afraid of who I am sitting next to.
Pretty much things that most people can do but definitely things that when you’re heavier you worry about.
So where do I stand? In about two weeks it will be a year or so that we’ve been low-carb. My keto lifestyle really didn’t kick in until July. I remember being on vacation trying to maneuver it.
I am about half a pound away from hitting 90 pounds lost since last April. From a 2X T-shirt to a medium if I need it to be but I like the large for sure. At the beginning of last summer my pants size was a 46. I am now down into the low 30s.
I am happy. I am OK. I can’t be pushed down for long. I have been at it for over five years, I’m down almost 170 pounds total and am still standing, still fighting, ready to take on the world!
I have set a new healthy goal of 235lbs by Labor Day. I figure this will keep me on the right path, give me something to work towards, and pretty much be the end. I think being 6’2 and 235 will be pretty damn good!
So there it is. Heading to OCMD this Saturday Morning! Taking the Ferry on Sunday. Lots of salt air in my forecast.
Hope ya’ll are well.
P.S. We are definitely going to hell. And we’ll have all the best stories to tell.
What is your biggest regret? When you get to the end of the line, what will be the thing that bothers you the most. I don’t know why but I’ve been thinking about it over the last couple days. It was probably someone’s stupid ass meme that tripped me. But in any case that will start this weeks blog entry.
Honestly ask yourself this. What if we get to the end of our lives and wonder how much better life would have been if we would have just shown up for it. Think about it. I’m not talking about how many selfies you’ve collected so that the boards at your funeral will be full. I don’t need a funeral, Burn me, sprinkle me over the ocean, I will forever be there. Shit, I’ll be in your bathsuit 🙂 whatever.
I think that while others may see me living a full life I don’t quite feel that way. I think I missed out on a lot of things and have been trying lately to get back on track. Places I want to see you, travel, spending time with people that really matter in creating memories. Creating stories for people to tell about me when I’m gone, I think is more important than whatever the phone may hold.
I’m tired of fighting for friendships. Most of the time they end up being one-sided friendships anyway.
People always tell me I have thousands of friends. Life is not about that. It’s about finding the very few that you need. That’s what makes life better. I always say this about Amber, and I have quite a few, actually even though sometimes I think you only need one, but I have friends that will walk through fire for me. And I Would for them as well.
Take a deep breathe and think about it. Are the people in your inner Circle not only the ones you trust with all your secrets but also the ones, that even have your back even when you might not be right, aren’t afraid to tell you that you’re wrong, but will fight with you no matter what.
If you’ve ever been let down or made to feel insignificant, let that be your strength. Your superpower. You are a fucking super hero!
Stop here. Think about it.
Let’s talk about my week a little and then we’ll get in even a little deeper.
Easter weekend came and went. Sometimes the best plans are ones you didn’t have to begin with. We had a great day with my friend Chris on Friday and Saturday Amber painted the guest bathroom, I donated four bags of ridiculously big clothes. And then we went out for the day with some friends from home. It was fantastic. There may or may not have been a naked Jeff sighting. ( Who are kidding, yes there was)
After a nice walk on Easter Sunday we came home.
I fell off the wagon a little bit over the weekend. Just too much going on and just way too many amazing smells on the boardwalk. I’m not making excuses I knew what I was doing. But because I am honest here is a list:
- Mack’s Pizza 1 slice
- Curley’s Fries
- Firehouse Pizza
- Wing Dings
- Twix Bar
- Inlet on Old Bavarian Pretzel
- Chocolate Cake
- Bag of Popcorn
So even the best fall down sometimes. Monday’s weigh in…. UGH. FML! I ate Keto on Monday and went into a fast. Do you want to know how strong you are… Fast. Yeah. I haven’t eaten anything but water, chicken bouillon and a few pickles since Monday Night at 7pm. At 1pm today when I break my fast I’ll have hit 66 hours. the most I have ever fasted is about 28 hours by accident when I was doing a 24 hour fast. The fast itself is not really for weight loss although it looks like it brought me down about 6-7lbs this week and back into the low 250s. And yes… Sooner or later I will see 249 on that mother fucking scale. The fast was a lot easier with Amber being out of town and not having to cook much for Brett.
The best part of doing this since last summer is that I am fat adapted and got myself into ketosis again pretty quickly. So there is that.
And at 1pm I will break my fast with some eggs and get myself together for tonight’s Best of Bucks gala. The band is preforming. We’ve won now for 8 years straight. Avengers date tomorrow. Wedding Saturday (bought a new blue suit off the rack) and then 1 show and we do it all over again.
I am still here. I am still trying and guess what I am still tweaking the program to work for me.
I am going to get back on track this weekend guess what it’s Thursday. Don’t know what the weekend has in store for me so I wanted to make sure that I push something thing out there into the inter-webs before the holiday.
Easter was always an amazing time for my family. I don’t know why. There are so many fucked up stories that come with Easter at my house but for some reason it was always a good time.
For example, my house in Brigantine backed up to a golf course so in my infinite wisdom one year in grade school, I decided I was going to go through all the weeds and grab as many golf balls and bags of them as I could so like at sell them to the golfers five for a dollar. Sounded like a good thing. Until I was incredibly covered and poison Ivy and my face and body swelled up like crazy.
Another time on the way to the shore my father pulled over in the station wagon and the next thing you know there was a baby lamb in the back of the car. I am pretty sure that my sister and I thought it was a new pet until the next day when it was hanging in the garage skinned by the local butcher. I didn’t go in that garage for weeks. I definitely wasn’t eating any meat in sauce that I didn’t know exactly what it was.
I think my absolute favorite memory is the fact that my father realized it probably giving me candy was not a good idea so as we almost hit middle school we got presents. Nothing crazy just something from the Easter bunny. And when you’re my sister and I got the most amazing boom boxes. It was a gift that I used every day for over 15 years. It lasted me all the way through college and I honestly wish I had one today. This is what it look like. And yes I know they are on eBay. I just can’t bring myself to do it.
Look at this bad ass boombox.
I am disappearing for a few days. It’s time to refocus and re-connect. I have let some anger get the best of me over the last few days but I will come back on Monday with the eye of the tiger. I booked a trip to Nashville in the middle of July so, then I’m going to go straight to July 14th kicking ass and taking names!
There will most likely be a purging. Things that trigger me, people that Trigger…. There will also be a purging in the drawers as I continue to flip wardrobe over and promising myself to never let the sizing on my clothes get any bigger than they are now. This is where I want to be. Anything more comes off that is OK. But this is a good comfortable place for me.
People think I am nuts but little by little I am getting rid of all my 2X and my XL T-shirts that look like dresses on me. I don’t want them. I don’t want to have any kind of crutch to go back to. I think it’s that stuff starts getting tight then a switch will go off of my head that I better get my shit together. And I will.
It sucks because I have these buy me brunch and to write love on her arm shirts that I absolutely love and they are not cheap that I have to replace. Maybe I will just wait till Black Friday when they give out the best coupon yet.
Guess what? On Sunday Amber and I put the bikes on my car and decided we are going for wine slushy’s in new hope. I looked at the map of the Delaware canal path and picked a place to park.
7 miles in, a wine slushy or two, 7 miles out. I get to the wine shop and the slushy machine wasn’t turned on early enough and it’s like going to 7-Eleven and you can’t get a Slurpee because the stuff isn’t cold yet. Talk about wanting to cry. Even worse knowing that I had to ride my bike seven more miles back to my car. We did it. The last four or 5 miles really kind of sucked. But we did it. We will do it again. So I wanted to do 20 miles on the bike last week I ended up with 32. This week I have not even gotten one in yet. The weather has not cooperated.
When we got home, I got ready for a shower and decided to weigh myself, and I was at my absolute lowest. .5lbs away from a new goal. I kind of figured that I was dehydrated and the next day it spiked about 3 pounds and it’s been there All week so now I am at the lower end of the goal up and down 3 pounds. Something will give and I will duck below that 250 mark soon or later.
So honestly I have a lot of things floating in my head that I will have to piece together so I won’t bother anyone here. I think there’s a pretty good catch-up for the week. I hope this finds everybody well.
Remember in the spirit of Easter we can be reborn.
Happy Easter. Happy Passover.
Keep kicking ass.
Feel the love.
So the merry-go-round continues. But there is hope. Happy Friday by the way, welcome. I know I’ve said this before but it is definitely been a week full of just one of those days. I have been swamped with work and still figuring out how to fit life in and I think it’s going OK. Sleep has been erratic. One night I am freezing another sweating my ass off and then the dogs…. ugh. So i do need better sleep
I decided on a new gym program for four weeks. Before I start my book/gym bible/buddy again. Apparently I am doing the work out that the Rock did to get lean and chiseled up for the movie Hercules. I don’t know if anyone saw the movie Hercules but it is the Rock and he does know what he’s doing inside the gym for sure. And I needed to change it up a little bit. Hit my body from some new directions.
After lunch today I’m going to go put 5 more miles on my bicycle at Neshaminy State Park. I hate having to put my bike on my car and drive somewhere safe because the animals in my town will literally run your ass over on the street. But that will bring me to a total of 15 or so unless I get out on the bike again this Sunday. Which depending how exhausted I am from my weekend of shows, will most likely happen. So maybe I will get 20 done by Monday morning. I also made it to the gym five times this week. 5 great focused workouts.
I was the shore last weekend and while I did not over eat I had a little bit of a sugar fest on Sunday night back here at home. That took the scale a few pounds higher because of the carbs/sugar I had. So I spent most of this week getting back on track. And 5 pounds of came off of me. It’s still puts me right smack dab in the middle of where I was and still at 85 pounds lost for this year and 160 total. I really think that I am at a weird body recomposition period. That is OK.
Last year on the 13th we started the fat loss challenge at Back to Basics Fitness. This is where it all started. So I went back in iPhoto and grabbed the picture from 2017, 2018 and then this week. The scale does not always have the answers for you. It can guide you. But it does not define you.
It is definitely a weird feeling knowing that I have to go to the shore over Easter and basically bag up every piece of clothing that is there because I look ridiculous in them. So little by little I will be bringing stuff from here to there trying to balance out my wardrobe. I do not want to take a bag to the shore every single weekend.
I am looking forward to next weekend off and just disappearing. Happy Easter to me.
Slowly hitting the bucket list for 2019. Hotel rooms for Nashville are booked. Our entire vacation package for Halloween horror nights at universal are booked. And by the end of the week and we will have our airfare. Don’t be surprised if you see photos of me walking around Universal In a Harry Potter robe. I am definitely going to get into it this time even more.
I think that’s it for this week. Going to try and get some food down and out on the bike path.
I hope everyone is doing awesome.
If you bet against me, didn’t think I could do it, have been waiting for me to fail…. you should know I won’t give up.
And most importantly, I won’t give up on myself. Not this time.
Don’t know why but I put shorts on to go to the gym this morning and had a panic attack (which I rarely ever have) and couldn’t leave the house with them on…. the loose skin at the knees just made me freeze. Might have to buy man capris or something. Or not wear shorts ever that seems like the better choice here.Screw the board shorts that I’ve always wanted. No beach for me this year. I’m going into hiding. It is just my luck, fix one thing break another. He seems to be the case in my life. Shorts? FUCK IT IS COLD OUT ANYWAY! SHIT!
Happy Friday. I guess the blogs are definitely getting pushed to Friday. Because life just seems to be happening and it is hard to keep up sometimes. Especially with work lately. And I have been given a ton more responsibility which hopefully will be accounted for in August when I get a evaluation. But until then. The freedom I had a few weeks ago is completely gone.
I am still pretty much floating around the same area on the scale so there isn’t much to report there. Clothes still fit. Still buying smaller sizes. Still getting my workouts in one way or another. Just pushing forward. That’s all anyone can do.
Our gym buddy Beth took Amber and I to the Sixers game last night. They lost but it was my first game and I had so much freaking fun. Definitely will be going to a lot more of them next year. Really contemplated some kind of Flyers season ticket plan. But there are just so many other things that I want to do with that kind of money.
We booked our return trip to Halloween horror nights at universal studios in early September. Hopefully it will be a good week to go since it’s like the second week of school for most kids. So other than a bunch of tourists from other countries or what not I don’t see the park being overcrowded. Got a really good deal at the highest tier hotel as well. First time will be staying at the Loews Portofino. I still think that the Hard Rock is my favorite, not because it was built like the building on the Hotel California album cover, But mostly because of all the cool rock ‘n’ roll stuff all over it. They also have a lot of legitimate Elvis things there.
All we need to do now is book airfare. Nashville in July is also booked. But everything for that is tentative depending on if work is going to send me to Las Vegas that week for Microsoft conference. We shall see. I don’t think they are going to so I’m going to take a vacation that week. I don’t want to save all my time for Christmas week and do nothing.
Not sure if I wrote about this but I had a towing hitch put on the Subaru outback and also bought a bike rack. You can all thank me for six more weeks of winter because apparently that’s what has happened since I put them on. Jesus. Kill me now. I was hoping to hit Neshaminy State Park on my lunch breaks to put some miles on my tires. Doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen anytime soon.
I really don’t have much to wax poetic about. Kinda been bummed out lately. But doing my best to stay upbeat and not let myself get the derailed. If you think that was going to happen you haven’t been around for the last year or so. Never ever ever bet against me. That I will tell you.
Then the voices in my head start.
I keep doing the work, but nothing changes.
Nothing changes easy.
There is nothing that you can take that hasn’t already been given, and quite honestly it didn’t help me then, won’t help now.
Be the change you want in life. FUCK. That’s hard.
Quick subject change.
Yes I want to come back in another lifetime as an Internet troll. These fucking nuts must love fights. Just sitting there picking on other people behind their computers. I think my first plan of attack would be everyone who post Memes about being awesome, doing great things, showing so much love, that actually do not Do any of the above. I would like to call out those motherfuckers quite regularly. But I don’t. I don’t even roll my eyes anymore because it does no good.
Blue October has an awesome song called I hope you’re happy. I think I posted it here before somewhere but check it out. It came up on my gym playlist this morning.
If you go back to early blogs you’ll see that my musical tattoo sleeve was basically all milestones for certain pounds of weight loss. The Harry Potter one was not so much. But I added something to the musical side of my body with a little Philly twist on Monday to Mark 85 pounds that I’ve lost since last May. I hope you like a little gritty. How do I wrap that into the music part of my arm or you might ask? Philadelphia singer Dave Hause, Has a song called bury me in Philly. And that is what I had put under the flyers logo and Gritty! It does not really have to make sense to you, just me.
I have the night off from the band. Playing at the beach tomorrow which I’m excited about. Brett has his police test tomorrow which I am also excited about. Hopefully he gets to the next major milestone in his life soon. I think at that point I’ll be able to sit back and say I did a good job. We did a good job. My family is good.
I am looking forward to having Easter weekend off. I’m going to unplug it and disappear for sure.
Thank you very much for hanging in there with me. If you are on this journey. I hope you’re pushing forward as well. Breathe. I whine and moan, I want to throw the scale out the window most days. But remember that baby steps are still steps forward.
I don’t even know where to start this week so I guess we can start with the scale and go from there. I am still pretty much where I’ve been in the middle of things for the last couple weeks. Haven’t gained any weight, I haven’t really lost any weight. Still going to the gym five days a week. Still logging everything I put in my mouth. Sooner or later something will have to give. I am floating in the 250’s and I just want to see 249 on that scale so damn bad!
I was very happy to finish a strength training 12 week program that I started out on at the beginning of the second week of the year. So it basically tells you that we are 13 weeks or so into 2019. Anyone on the journey with me is pushing forward and that’s fantastic. Lately so many people have been reaching out to me about where to start so I want to remind you that there is a link in the navigation of the website for you to get moving.. keto, paleo, whole 30… no matter how you slice it, eat less calories then you burn off. SCIENCE!
My company, yes I do have a job that is not the band, recently acquired a West Coast division. I was actually a little nervous that I might lose my job since there are 81 teammates out there and only three of us over here on the Microsoft side East Coast, but I instantly ended up with a lot more responsibility. So I had a little bit more flex in my schedule it’s not so much anymore. That is OK. I like being needed. It’s a good feeling.
I guess I am definitely a mouth breather lately because I have been having 4 AM panic attacks while sleeping. Let me explain. I basically wake up with my throat and mouth completely dry and choking. I think I have mentioned it before that one of my biggest fears and paranoia is dying in my sleep. It actually makes me very restless most nights. I am using a humidifier now and we will see how that works.
The last two or three months have been great. I’ve been figuring out how to work through stress a lot better. Although it doesn’t seem to end most days.
You really do have to try to surround yourself with the best of the best. People that you can inspire, people that will inspire you, people that will pick you up when you fall, and people they will call you out when you’re an asshole.
Sometimes you just have to be done, not mad, not upset. Just done.
You’ll know when that time comes. Sometimes you could be screaming from a mountain and still not get through, or still not be heard.
I’m really glad that I have Amber who will always call me on my shit. And is not afraid to hit me with the truth bomb for sure.
My BFF has been going through a lot himself, adapting to single parenting and doing his best to be there for his daughter. He is definitely one of the good ones. If your friend can’t hear constructive criticism, they aren’t your friends. If you can’t give it to them, you aren’t one either. I never have to be afraid of what I say or feel with him. And trust me I have sugarcoated things, and sometimes I’ve screamed at the top of my lungs. It’s not always pretty. But it’s honest. And no matter what, we are there to pick each other up.
On Friday night my family was a guest at my son’s best friends wedding. So many things I could say about it. Being on the opposite side is mind blowing sometimes. The wedding was definitely excessive. And I don’t mean that in a bad way. Just over-the-top crazy. Not sure if I will ever see anything like that again. I will post some photos below.
I know that I post things, and people no matter how many times I’ve said don’t read into things because they might be song lyrics, they just might be current feels, but chances are they are not about you. I know that’s hard sometimes for people to comprehend. On Sunday morning I posted a little talk box on Instagram that said – “ I need to figure out the balance between quiet politeness and total honesty”.
This was actually the final outcome of a conversation I had with a groom from 10 years ago who happened to be a part of the wedding the band played this past weekend. I had two situations happen during the wedding.
Very drunken guest dancing to music in her head, very sexually, screaming at the band that she was dancing no matter what, when I asked for the dance floor to be cleared, for the parent dances. I could not help myself and into the microphone I explained to her very kindly that she could dance all she wants but she might take away from the bride finally getting a moment to dance with her father. Her date realized what was happening and sat her down for a few minutes. It was OK though because she came back To the front of the stage to dance for us a few minutes later.
I had to get her off the dance floor, maybe I should’ve went down off the stage and spoke to her, but my tolerance for drunk people is very little at this point of my life. Maybe I just felt super comfortable because the bride’s mom is a really big supporter of mine and is just awesome. Either way, it became part of my conversation later at evening with this past groom because he owns a few companies, is very worldly, and actually gives very good advice.
When I asked to clear the dance floor for the cake cutting, the wedding was already running late, and I just wanted to get to the party. It was a six hour wedding. You would think that there was plenty of time for someone to have a picture taken. But I get a random woman screaming in my ear that she needs a few more minutes and to wait because they need to get a photograph taken. I begin to tell her that I have a timeline from the bride’s mom that is the Bible that I must follow. She then calls mumbled something under her breath at me and then tells me that she’s an atheist and doesn’t care about the Bible. I again tell her that I must follow the bride’s mom’s wishes. And for the rest the evening was basically telling anyone and everyone in front of us that I was an asshole. Every time I came up to sing she would roll her eyes at me at me. It turns out that this crazy woman was the grooms aunt. It also turned out that the bride’s mom thought it was hysterical. And basically said that she trained me well. And that since she paid for us. She was the boss. I kinda knew that was going to be the answer by knowing this family. Still I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong. Surely someone who loves the bride and groom would understand that I needed to follow their timeline and do what’s best for them.
So we definitely got to talking after the wedding dusted settled and I was explaining to Matt, the past groom that I was struggling in the person that I am becoming at my age. That while I know what’s right business wise. The stress of a wedding and who I am accountable to, doesn’t always make me the favorite person. This is a bride into my personal life and other jobs too.
Matt sent me a text the next morning. And he said those words to me. Hang in there, you’re doing fantastic. I also need to figure out the balance between quiet politeness and total honesty.
You see, sometimes silence is an answer. I might not respond, but by being silent, I did.
I hope this weeks blog finds everybody well.
Thank you for reading, have a great weekend.