My two favorite songs right now are bookends. The first and last songs on the album. They both talk about summer ending in two different ways. If you’ve been reading this for a while now you know how much the summer means to me both beginning and end.
Bruce always sings about Mary. And then some songs like the river, Mary is a made up name for his sister. And most of the time he has said that it’s just a generic name. Fits in a lot of songs. And it could be anyone to anyone. Mary is usually on all the albums. Somewhere hiding. It looks like she was too busy for this album. I crack myself up. This album is Mary free. Not sure if I love that or if I’m sad about it. Mary is like oranges in the Godfather. They are everywhere. You would think degos love oranges or something. Hmmmm
Archives for October 2020
Me, myself and I do not see Eye 2 Eye most times.
I wonder when I love myself the right way will be enough.
It takes time I guess. I am getting old though so maybe I should figure it out sooner than later. Before it’s too late.,
I guess you could also celebrate “I like me”. I like me but Who knows. Is that cool? Is that enough?
No one should Ever feel that they aren’t good enough. That they are second best, and are a priority in their inner circles lives.
Have you ever texted or called someone and they haven’t written you back yet but they have liked 15 pictures on IG – posted two stories and a post about their cat? You my friend are not a priority no matter how you slice it. I’m that friend a lot I think.
You hang around people and their phone never leaves their hand until you actually reach out or are waiting for them to reach out to you. I think my nieces are the worst. Being ignored, being invisible, is the worst.
I would like to tell you that all you need is me, myself and I. You can be your #1 cheerleader. You can, you will, BUT…. You can but it’s not true. I think people need people. I know I do. My stepson Brandon, he was built for this pandemic. Me not so much. I already worked from home most days but not the isolation seems to get to me. And for a week or two after the summer I thought I’d just walk, stay active and keep moving but I felt like I was over doing it.
I think I have been overdoing it. This weeks weight pretty much stayed the same and I have been going up and down around this months numbers every other day. Walking. Peloton. Gym. Keep moving. Possibly. Rest. Unplug. Disappear.
Last night at the gym, my old coach and friend brought up my legs and surgery again. I had been beaten up and rejected enough by the insurance company that I had pushed it out of my mind. And then of course I couldn’t sleep cause it was all I was thinking about. I guess when I lose another 40 pounds I will start to look into it again. I’ll be old as fuck by then but whatever. It’s only money right.
Why live with something that you hate? Wonder if he cause erase my butt too. Then I can be a total Instagram influencer. LOL. Da Fuq. I don’t know. I’m old. I shouldn’t be worrying about the shit at this point.
Tomorrow night the band gets back on stage after two months. It’s been over seven months since we played in Pennsylvania. Not sure what to expect. Not sure what I feel. I think at this point it’s safe to say I am going to post this, go to target and get a few things I need like sugar-free ketchup LOL. Hit the state store. Come home shower and get under blankets for a cold miserable night.
I wasn’t going to post anything this week because I was bummed out that the scale didn’t cooperate as much as I wanted to but it’s about the accountability right.
It’s OK to not be OK. Took me a long time that much I realize. Sometimes you just have to sit in silence.
I really didn’t know what to expect from summer 2020. I knew I was going into it almost 40 pounds heavier than the summer before. The summer before I was at my all time low on Father’s Day. I was scared about bathing suits fitting, shorts, you name it. And in the end I got by without really buying anything new. There is a shock for everyone. The summer started with lots of friends running amok across Wildwood on memorial day weekend for the first time in a very long time. No-shows.
Hanging out at one of my favorite places in Wildwood and talking to everyone. in early July New Jersey decided to open outdoor dining, and loosen outdoor gatherings to an extent. And the owner of my favorite bar asked if I’d play a duo.
This led to many more shows till the end of September and also help me make some awesome new friends. Everyone was working so hard changing with the state regulations and doing their best to ensure safety, as well as adding a little fun for people who were so starved for it that they were coming down the shore because it was the closest thing to a normal you were going to find .
I spent a lot of time on my friends boat. I even fished. I saw dolphins, almost caught a massive shark, and also saw my first real sea turtle. That fucker was big.
Financially I did the best I could and diet wise well we all know how that rolls. Fucking whiskey. But as I went into September and realized that the summer was going to die shortly. I did start reeling myself in.
Today is actually the last day of the month, well I won’t post this tomorrow I figured I’d get a jumpstart, and I’m walking in the park using my dictation program. So yes this might be longer than usual LOL.
So in the end, the summer wasn’t about getting super skinny, it was about adaptation. It was about being able to change and letting the things we can’t control not impact our daily lives. It was about learning what really makes me happy. Not sure I have that locked in yet, but I did get to spend time with a lot of friends as family. I was able to make time for old friends, and I made some new ones too.
I got to spend time with my family, on the beach, on the water, and made the most out of everyone’s happy place. I realize the extent that my friends would go through for me as well. So many taking trips to the shore, just to hear a little bit of music.
Although this was not the summer I had planned for the band on paper, which let me tell you was the best fucking summer that we would have ever had. It definitely was not the worst. It really helped me see what I missed, who I missed, and how it all relates to my life, happiness, and sometimes even general well-being. It’s nice to grind and see some financial stability out of it. It’s nice to get on stage and get all those demons out that need to be screamed into a microphone some days. It’s also really nice to not have anywhere to go sometimes. That’s where I am this weekend for the first time. Almost zero plans.
I honestly thought that I wouldn’t have many places to go all summer but here I was driving to the shore every weekend of September to sing too! Biker weekend, Firemans weekend, Irish weekend, you name it, I was there . Don’t get me wrong, singing is very high up there on my favorite things to do. I don’t care if it’s with the band, with the radio, or with the karaoke track. I love to sing. But I said the summer would be over for me on September 26 and it was. And let me tell you. I was dressed as a fucking leprechaun and still had the time of my life bringing it to a close.
But today is going to be October 1 when you read this, and I think it’s time for me to become a basic bitch, wear hoodies, drink my coffee, I know I don’t like anything pumpkin., And trying to get the most out of the fall weather. Although our air conditioning is still pumping at the house.
I have one more trip to the shore next week for business, and actually it’s condo business LOL. But then I think it’s going to be time to open the speakeasy. I do have 4 Bigg Romeo 7gigs with everyone over the next month. But it’s about time for that too. We will see how people react to weddings, and the band, and a pandemic environment. It will also be time for me to start really looking at what I personally want to do next summer, and also with the band.
2021 should be a good year for everyone since all our 2020 weddings were pushed into that year for the most part. Add a few more in there and boom we will be plenty busy.
Do I want to wake up when September ends? I don’t know. I am on the last day of September now walking through Neshaminy State Park talking into my earpiece like a maniac. I woke up on Monday and I was at my goal. Even after a boys weekend. Rock the fuck on right? Nope. Woke up the next day 3 pounds heavier and then the next day same weight. Today is the last day I have to hit my goal and stay there. So here I am doing what I can do. Part of me thinks the last few days I’ve just done too much. I am ready for my swoosh. I know that it’s coming. I’ve been down this path many times.
I know a lot of you guys reading, kept telling yourself I will wait till the end of the summer., Will guess what. Summer is definitely over. It’s time. We all know that while I will set some goals for the year, They are usually more of a vision board then they are New Year’s resolutions. I would like to knock out as many of those in 2020, and just salvage the shit year. I don’t think it’s been all bad. I just don’t like change. And we have all had to change and adapt like maniacs.
But I can talk about my September goals in case you don’t want to go back and read them. I was going to ride my bike at least three times a week. Check. I was going to try and add a little bit of walking to my schedule. 2 miles a day at least 3 to 4 times a week. Check. I was going to go to the gym for five days a week. Check. Not bad for an old man huh?
And as of October 1 which it is right this second. I hit my goals for September. I lost 10 pounds. Bike. Walk. Gym. A gallon of water most days when it was possible and I was not in the car obviously a lot LOL. But I did it.
So what am I going to do in October? Try for another 10 pounds because on Halloween I have to make sure tuxedo fits. And not to spoil anyone suspense, my smallest tux pants actually fit, A little snug. I won’t be shaking my body down to the ground yet, but they fit. So the object is to just keep moving forward this month.
In case anyone is doing any kind of math it’s 2 pounds a week safely. Nothing crazy but it’s not pouring off me like it did a few years ago…. so I have to stay focused and keep pushing forward.
Thank you as always for following along. I am always here if you need a cheerleader!
Till next week!