Archives for March 2018

Stuck at Sea

March 30, 2018 By franco Leave a Comment

I am sorry that last week was the first week in a good while that I didn’t blog. We had a snow storm in the Philadelphia area and from those two days of being stuck around the house to a trip to the shore and then a show at Parx I went into spiral staircase of fried food, sugar infused goodness and booze. I had pizza at Mack’s, wings from the old Tuckers, and cheesesteaks from Old Roman. And from their it went running around Bensalem and Wildwood.

See, I don’t need anyone to call me out, I can call myself out. I see what I am doing, I make the choices not matter what the choices anyone around me makes. Coach was calling me a weekend warrior today. Fucker doesn’t know how hard it is to be in the business that I am, needing that energy at midnight for another set while most gym heads and fitness freaks have been on bed since 9:30 on a Friday night. But I am not making excuses it just is what it is. It’s something I have to reel back in a bit since I have goals and no matter what anyone says I won’t let myself down.

Sunday my sons best friend JonJon got maried and it was very nice to get invited as a family. I had a great afternoon with everyone.

The one good thing is that although I might be where I was this time last year weight wise, My body has definitely changed. Coach did say that much to me as he proceeded to bust my balls.

I just feel stuck, I miss my old gym and gym family event though a lot of them are off doing their own thing. I don’t like crossfit. It’s not for me. I like bootcamps. I don’t mind pushing myself. I don’t want to have 3 gym memberships. I don’t want to drop in all over God’s creation for $10 bucks a pop cause guess what it adds up. But I have to break a sweat more than once or twice a week. I have to push myself because surgery this year took a lot out of me and I haven’t fully recovered mentally. I am not paying $100 plus for a group class thing when I guess I could really suck up a Crunch membership and just do whatever they offer. But I totally hate that area of Langhorne and the traffic. So I am lost. I hate that I love to bike ride but I have to put my bike on a rack or in my truck to go anywhere cause riding around Bensalem, people will run you over and leave you in a ditch here in the suburbs. You are safer in Philly.

I did get a week of heavy lifting in this week so there is that.

So here I am, at the crossroads, drifting out at sea, Captain Misery!

I guess I’m going to have to figure out a game plan and sooner than later.

I hate the holidays. I know that mini-me has to work on Easter Sunday but the older brat wouldn’t commit to dinner or anything so I just said screw it and bought Flyers tickets on Stubhub. (he paid $50 worth of them with a Christmas GF) Thank you Jesus! Happy Easter. Xfinity afterwards sounds good afterwards too.

So I hope everyone enjoys their weekend and holiday. The days of Easter Egg hunts and Easter chaos are long gone for me but Easter was always my grandma’s favorite of the Italian guilt filled catholic holidays and I always miss her this time of the calendar cycle.

Just like Easter is a time of spiritual rebirth… Monday will come and we’ll do it all again.

Much Love,

Franco

Was suposed to to chest/shoulders and Boot camp but BC was a bust.

This is not my kinda workout. Hey Amy our legs are beat up. Here do this.

Forget Me Not

March 15, 2018 By franco 1 Comment

I was pushed into this diet once years ago that started a long run of hell. I was working at CDNow at the time so I know it had to be in the late 90’s. I went to see this doctor in Warminster and the diet was heavily shake based. That was how they lowered your calories to 1200 a day to make you lose weight a little faster. The doctor had one of the old sliding metal scales that all the doctors offices had at the time and they didn’t go over 350 pounds and I needed a starting weight for him so he called over to St. Mary’s and there wasn’t a scale to really be had like that. Somehow I ended up going to their loading dock and I remember the horror and the panic when I realized what was happening. I was getting weighted on the loading dock with the scale used to weight linens that came in and out of the hospital. That scale would basically determine what the company would charge to clean them by the pound. I was horrified as the workers that were working the dock all came out to look. I remember Amber took me over. I don’t even think we were dating at the time. And we had to ask for help since we had no idea what we were doing. We were looking for a scale. We didn’t realize that the scale was the whole platform. Talk about beat you down, shake you to the core, embarrassment that never really leaves you. That diet was called Medi-Fast. I didn’t know it then but everyone I have watched do it drops that 50 lbs pretty fast and then gains 75 within a short time of it being over or realizing that you just can’t drink all your food every single day.

A year or two later I had weight loss surgery, that was 1999. I was scared too because my friend, neighbor, fellow band nerd Louie had passed away a few weeks after his from complications. I didn’t have a choice, My agent had it first, he was doing okay… He was going bat shit crazy, lost a lot of weight, plastic surgery, separated, girls, partying… Louie died. I guess I had a 50/50 chance. I am still 223lbs lighter than I was that day of the surgery. It doesn’t last forever and I wish I had a better relationship with food then like I have now.

I am still 84 pounds lighter than I was when I started this journey 4 years ago. I still have goals. 27 pounds to the first one for this year and 43 total.

While I feel like I want to get down on myself today. I am not going to. Not today. I have been through hell for the past 3 weeks with whatever was ripping through my body and I didn’t. I have been guzzling Gatorades on the doctors orders and have only gained 2 pounds since my weigh in on March 5. I have fought off dehydration, I have tried really hard for the past 4 days to pull everything back together and am back on track. Got my work outs in. Still took it easy and didn’t go crazy with weight. And hoping that by next weeks weight in and a good 12 or so days back on track that I’ll be back in business.

It’s been a hellish year and I feel like some depression stemming mostly from life and my hernia surgery this summer that I would love to just be at the same place I was when the summer started last year. There are 74 days till Memorial day. And 43 days till I go to NC for my parents 50^th Anniversary. I really want to look good and feel good so I am going to give it my all for the next couple months, in the gym and out.

These stories aren’t easy to write. But this is my story. This is where I came from. It’s not easy or everyone would do it. I’ve tried everything on the market.

Medifast
Herbalife
Advocare
Slimfast
Fen/Fen

They all work to a degree. But you need to have an end game. So you learned to eat on Advocare a certain way or with any of them. Can you continue to eat that way without their supplements etc when you are done your 21 days? I did a cleanse when I was getting close to my hundred pounds. I lost 15 pounds in 10 days. I was ecstatic. Then 5 came right back a few days later and then the scale didn’t move again for another month.

The idea is to find what works for you. Even if it is slow and steady and keep at it.

I am going to do my best to keep a smile on my face, keep the positive vibes going, watch my food intake and keep the weights moving. I will get to where I dream of. Might not be on my preferred timeline but I will get there.

To everyone out there still trying their best to change. Fill your heart and mind with goodness. Surround yourself with good, positive people and keep moving forward. You will not go wrong. Remember it’s what you do when the trainer isn’t watching that is the most important.

Have a great weekend. Happy St. Patrick’s Day.

Thanks for reading.

Franco

Broken Piano

March 9, 2018 By franco 1 Comment

I sat down at the broken piano and played only the black keys and they were sad. I played sad songs on the minor keys of a broken piano. The only songs I know are November Rain and I will Survive. Two songs on the opposite spectrum. A broken piano is still a beautiful thing to see and hear.

You get to an age I guess in life when things around you just seem to break. I am broken. I have been sick for over two weeks. I would get better for a day or two and then it would hit me again and finally last night I couldn’t take it anymore and drove myself to Urgent Care because I knew I needed blood work. I didn’t want any more doctors just trying to take a guess at what might be wrong with me. I went to three of them and they were all packed so finally around 9 o’clock Amber took me back to the first one and we just waited it out. And low and behold.. I’ve been fighting a bacterial infection for two weeks… it wasn’t viral. And of course for some reason my calcium was low. So antibiotics, Gatorade, a bland diet and rest. 14 days I have felt like crap and I could have written war and peace for the amount of time I spent in the bathroom. But at least now I know what’s wrong with me and how we can fix it.

I am broken.

All my heroes are tired. My mom is having a tough year. A few set backs and what I was hoping was going to be an easy total knee replacement on Tuesday but he’s having a hard time with it. She’s in a lot of pain and she’s never really had anything done before and it breaks my heart to see her so sad. I am trying to give her the bigger picture. One she gets through these first few days she’s going to be much better. I’ve been through so much in my lifetime and surgeries that I guess I am immune to them. I hate that my heroes are getting older and they are human no matter what caps they wear.

I am broken.

I haven’t been on a scale this week. I only got three work outs in this week. They weren’t great workouts either. I have just felt off and weak. I did my best. I guess I’ll rest and start fresh on Monday. We’ll have to restock the fridge because we lost power for two days and had to empty it into the trash. It’s been a long week. Not feeling good didn’t help.

I wish someone could just lift up the weight off the world off my shoulders just for a moment or two. So I could breath. I have been screaming for a break.

Sorry that I don’t have much more than this for you this week.

Maybe next week.

Franco

Brave

March 1, 2018 By franco 1 Comment

brave

brāv/

adjective

adjective: brave; comparative adjective: braver; superlative adjective: bravest

1. ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage.

My blog last week touched a nerve and started conversations with some of my friends and especially my wife, Amber. She was able to pull me out of the darkness that I fell into a lot quicker than I thought I was going to be able to pull myself out of this time. I wish I can explain it to you but it’s like living in silence and blinded by light at the same time….

A friend called me brave. Told me that they would have had a hard time living if anything like that happened to that…. It took me a long time to live.

I kept thinking about the word brave over the last few days and re-reading last week’s blog over again because I think the reason I wrote went over some heads for sure. And that’s okay cause in the end again… it’s for me.

Being Brave is having honest conversations with friends and the confidence that my insecurities will not creep up on me like they once did. It has nothing to do with being a “true friend” and everything to do with being compassionate, understanding and being considerate of someone’s feelings.

Brave is calling people out when what they say hurts me. It’s having the tough conversation and facing the conflict instead of pivoting around it in an attempt to keep the peace. I was hurt. I was pulled into a place that I friend should not have pulled me. Maybe they didn’t realize it, maybe they thought it was no big deal but it was. Sometimes being brave is just being strong enough to realize you hurt someone and where you go from there.

Lately in the world I think it’s brave to refrain from commenting on social media because it will do more harm than good. Fill it with puppies, kids, food music and love. The 30 day snooze feature on Facebook is a beautiful away to just quiet the keyboard maniacs.

Some days, brave means choosing to stay. Even though I’m afraid. Even though I’m hurting.

Brave can take years to work up to, coming in increments over time. That’s okay.

I choose to be brave.

When the tears come easy and the days are hard and distance pulls my heart in two.

I choose to be brave.

When my anxiety ties my stomach in knots, the panic is setting in and I can’t get the words out.

I choose to be brave. I choose to let the song I sing talk for me.

When I am intimidated and question my worthiness and talent. When I relapse or have a tough week.

I choose to be brave, I choose to be the hopeful.

I have a lot of people in my life that are brave. They fight every single day. Demons, ex wives, husbands, kids, drugs, voices, death, love gone sour, anxiety, insecurities… and all while painting a smile on their faces and trying to get another day alive under their belts. That’s brave.

I am strong enough to know that in the end, this is me and all I can do is my best.

My best was tested this past weekend when I had to play a wedding with the bubonic plague that’s going around. What sucked even more was that I was a guest and wasn’t a great date nor was I able to eat or drink anything so that sucked. But like everything else I made it through and 6 days later I am feeling better. I had lost 7-8 pounds and finally hydrated myself back up and am down 2 pounds from last week. I am at a total loss of 8 pounds in the last three weeks which is where I needed to be. Feeling like crap for 5 or 6 days and spending a lot of personal time in the bathroom, you would have thought I was 16 again and trust me, in an Italian household you didn’t have that kinda peace either.

I have to get a lot of lifting in over the next few days because I am severely behind in this week’s programing and I refuse to just skip it. That’s not me.

Well I have spent pretty much all week in this chair or on the toilet and I am feeling 100% better today so I think I am going to resume life, I finally have a full weekend of shows and it’s time to get a little dancing in!

Thanks for reading, caring and being here…. 13 weeks to summer. 42 pounds to goal.

Don’t take no shit from no one!

Franco

p.s. The Philadelphia Eagles are still the Super Bowl Champions and the Flyers are in 2nd Place in the Metro!